Question

Alright, so I'm writing this song and I only have 3 lines of lyrics, if you could tell me what you think, also if you could help me out with finishing the song that would be great.

Answer 1

I'm walking on this line I see
This line that I call home
It's along the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Answer 2

http://vocaroo.com/i/s01IE7dzxfXU this is basically a rough draft of what it's supposed to sound like, but I don't have music for it and I am also missing most of the song.

Answer 3

@Keigh2015
I don't know if you are aware of this, but Green Day has a song called Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Its pretty popular to, so in a way it'd be like copy writing.
I can see from a lyrical standpoint, you are looking for a road, a street, something to put into it to make a metaphor of what your specifically walking on.
Soo, how about "the highway of shattered drams?"
Or maybe I can come up with something else if you'd like. :)

Answer 4

dreams*
not drams.
Sorry :P

Answer 5

Yeah, I have like most of that song stuck in my head, so I never really thought about the fact that it would be copy write. Hmm, I like where you're going with it.

Answer 6

Well, its a consideration :)
Just try to be as original as possible. Thats all that matters.

Answer 7

Alright, I will try :)

Answer 8

So now it's:
I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
It's along the highway of shattered dreams

How is that? @Atsie

Answer 9

How about spice it up with a bit of different wording.

The first two lines are fine, but what about the last one?

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

If you do this, your adding a bit more depth to the line itself, so that a way someone will think there's more to it than just you. If you understand where I'm coming from.

Answer 10

I like that, I understand where you're coming from. Do you think you could help me come up with the rest of the song? If you want, you don't have to.

Answer 11

Sure I can try! :)

Answer 12

Alright :)

Answer 13

Do have an idea for the next line?
Firstly, tell me what you want the theme of the whole thing to be? It'll help me actually.

Answer 14

Like what the meaning of the song is?

Answer 15

I guess I would say it's about a troubled teen who is having troubles at home.

Answer 16

Alright, so describe these types of troubles. How would we incorporate it into the whole thing?
Just lay all your idea's out. Whatever you can think of. :)

Answer 17

Well the teens troubles at home is that after his mom died his dad hated him and his dad would hurt him. But he also has problems at school with bullies.

Answer 18

Alright, then I'll focus a bit on the emotional aspect of these troubles.
Feel free to revise the below idea's.

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a silent tear underneath
waiting to dry out
Only heaven knows, I can just barely,
barely breath.

Answer 19

I like that, it sounds good.

Answer 20

Alright, great! :D
Now you try the next part. Make sure to tune into what your specifically trying to say.

Answer 21

Alright, I will try.

Answer 22

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a silent tear underneath
waiting to dry out
Only heaven knows, I can just barely,
barely breath.

Only heaven knows how hard I've tried
I can't keep going the way I've been forced to go
I'm still walking on the line that they call the highway of shattered dreams.

Answer 23

Not to walk on your egg's, but we don't really want to repeat ourselves here. It looks a bit funny.
"Only heaven knows" should only be said once I think. And the same about highway of shattered dreams.
Unless, you are already wanting to come to the chorus of these lyrics, and the main title of it is Highway of Shattered Dreams. Is that what your wanting to do?

Answer 24

Alright, I don't know what to call the song yet, I'm still working out different song names. I was just mumbling to myself as I was trying to think and it sounded weird but good at the same time.

Answer 25

How about:

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a silent tear underneath
waiting to dry out
Only heaven knows, I can just barely,
barely breath.

No one knows how hard I've tried
I just can't keep going the way I've been forced to go
I'm still walking on this lonely line.

Answer 26

Nope, nope! :D
hehe, sorry to much repetitiveness.
If you are writing lyrics about troubles and everything, then your job is to EXPRESS those troubles in every form that you can, not REPEAT them.
We've already talked about walking line's and everything. We've boldly made that known in the very first line.
Use metaphors. They are amazing little things that will not only visualize a specific to a reader/listener but they are concluding that "something is LIKE something." It will make the whole thing much more understandable.
So what I'm going to do is be really mean and scratch your last idea off because its repetitive ok? :D
And next thing I'm going to do, is give some metaphors and idea's so that you'll learn how to incorporate them and wove them into what you are trying to express.
Also take into account, if something hasn't happened to you in regards to you experiencing pain or distress...then its going to be WAY harder to write it into words.
If you are trying to write a story of someone else's pain, then metaphors are extra important.

>Rain<
This is a great metaphor, because it emphasizes sadness, gloominess, and basically as one who is have a really lonely day.
>Cold /winter<
Maybe you'd want to talk about how someone has a cold and cruel heart with no feeling or warmth. Their like stone. They are frozen in their ways.
>Walls of paper<
Maybe this how one can feel when they are broken down and crushed. They aren't stable. They are like lightweights. Someone can easily take advantage of them because they are weak.
>Drowning below the surface<
No place to go. No place to run. No one to rescue. No one to come and be loving and helpful. Basically deserted,

Just a few idea's. Try to think of some by yourself if you can.
Also don't be afraid to write a story. Just be precise, pithy, and to the point.

Answer 27

Hmm I have an idea for that last sentence of it, how about:
I'm slowly drowning below the surface
I have nothing left.

Answer 28

How about this?

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a silent tear underneath
waiting to dry out
Only heaven knows, I can just barely,
barely breath.

The surface of despair has
pulled me in
Now I'm drowning
with nothing again.



At what point by the way do you plan on talking about the trouble? Like narrating I suppose.

Answer 29

I like that, I don't know exactly when I'm going to talk about the trouble.

Answer 30

Well, give it a whirl. Try to think about it :)

Answer 31

Alright, how exactly would I go about doing that?

Answer 32

Alright, lets keep the first stanza (first three lines)
And take the next two stanza's and set them aside for later use.
Lets talk about this "highway of shattered dreams." What is down it? There are troubles down this highway. Narrate them.

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a troubled boy
living behind walls of paper
Nothing left
they've made him out
as a stranger

If I told you that was me.....




Now you take it up, and add something to it.

Answer 33

The boy is walking down a line that people call the highway of shattered dreams, he has nothing left in his life and no love. He is walking trying to find an opening in his life.

Answer 34

No, I was saying pick it up from the part
"If I told you that was me....."

Sorry, I should have specified.

Answer 35

Alright, hmm.

If I told you that was me then you would know every thing I'm going through.

Answer 36

Maybe a bit of rephrasing on that part? Would that help?

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a troubled boy
living behind walls of paper
Nothing left
they've made him out as a stranger

If I told you that was me
ratty and poor in spirit
Would you care for my story
would you care
to even hear it?

Answer 37

I guess the rephrasing does help.

Answer 38

So, where do you want to go next? Are you confident in what we have so far?

Answer 39

I don't know, I'm pretty confident

Answer 40

Alright. :)
Let me know what you else you can think of.

Answer 41

Alright :)

Answer 42

@Atsie I thought about adding some:

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a troubled boy
living behind walls of paper
Nothing left
they've made him out as a stranger

If I told you that was me
ratty and poor in spirit
Would you care for my story
would you care
to even hear it?

When you hear it
Would you step in and help
Or would you act like the others
How would you react?

Answer 43

this is just an opinion but i think the beat should go like this..... http://vocaroo.com/i/s05ymaVf3hy8 but your lyrics our soo good keep up the good work!! :)

Answer 44

That's a nice beat, and thanks.

Answer 45

Thanks, and your welcome! :)

Answer 46

You're Welcome :)

Answer 47

Nice Job @Keigh2015 That is very GREAT! Well Done! :D

Answer 48

Thatnk you @Qwertty123 :D

Answer 49

You Welcome! :D

Answer 50

@Keigh2015
Yes, I think thats definitely good what you added! :)

@Safa102
I LOVE your voice!! :D

Answer 51

I know right!

Answer 52

Awe Thanks @Atsie i just thought it would be cool if it sounded like that lol!!!

Answer 53

No problem! Seriously, your voice is pretty unique!

Answer 54

Lovely lyrics <3 @Keigh2015

Answer 55

Thank you @Agl202

Answer 56

@Keigh2015 i feel really bad that people are thanking me for this question when u did all of it......i love your lyrics u should be a song write and ur amazing :)

Answer 57

It'a alright, @Atsie did a lot of it. Plus you made the song come to life. Thank you :)

Answer 58

lol np! :)

Answer 59

You helped :) @Keigh2015
But it was fun to be of assistance so thanks :)

Answer 60

:) It was great having you help me out, I think I finished up with the other two verses, I will post them later, I kind of lost the book I was using to write my idea's down and my friend won't help me find it.

Answer 61

Uh oh!
I hate when I lose stuff. Especially like that!
Well, hope you find it soon :)

Answer 62

Thanks :)

Answer 63

I'm walking on this line I see
This line I call home
They call it the highway of shattered dreams.

There's a troubled boy
living behind walls of paper
Nothing left
they've made him out as a stranger

If I told you that was me
ratty and poor in spirit
Would you care for my story
would you care
to even hear it?

When you hear it
Would you step in and help
Or would you act like the others
How would you react?

There's a silent tear underneath waiting to dry out
Only heaven knows, I can just
barely, barely breath.

On the outside I look normal
But on the inside I'm breaking
Only certain people know what's wrong
It's crushing me from the inside out.

The surface of despair has
Pulled me in
Now I'm drowning
With nothing again.

I was pulled back into the darkness
I was flooded with all these emotions
They were to much to handle
It feels like I am drowning
With nothing again.

I've tried calling out for help
But no one ever listens
There's nothing I can do
I just want this all to end.

Answer 64

Not bad @Keigh2015 :)

Answer 65

:) thank you I'm working on another part, it's going to be the chorus

Answer 66

You've already got a lot of lyrics there though, maybe you should take one of those parts and make it the chorus?

Answer 67

Alright

Answer 68

How about this for the chorus?

On the outside I look normal
But on the inside I'm breaking
Only certain people know what's wrong
It's crushing me from the inside out.

The surface of despair has
Pulled me in
Now I'm drowning
With nothing again.

Answer 69

great

Answer 70

@Atsie

Answer 71

This part is good Keigh

The surface of despair has
Pulled me in
Now I'm drowning
With nothing again.

But the upper part of the Chorus is kinda cliche. Everyone looks normal on the outside. We've all talked about that kind of thing a million times in our lives. Whats important is to find a different and unique way to express what your saying.