Question

I wrote this poem out of boredom. Thought I'd share it with y'all even tho it's kinda bad. I haven't named it yet tho.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
That's what they told her
Would she believe that it was true?
That who she loves is not up to you
She is confident that he is the one
When she look for another she found none
She loves him dearly
She lost him, nearly.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder
That's what they told her
And she believed them

Answer 1

@Atsie @bunnielover948 @Whitemonsterbunny17 @tootzrll

Answer 2

its really good, pinky! good job! :)

Answer 3

thanks

Answer 4

I like your poem excellent!
I would omit That
That who she loves is not up to you

Is he the one?

Answer 5

I love your poem!! <3 Keep on writing poems because you're good at them.

Answer 6

I love this, you are good with words @Pinkybottom67

Answer 7

Thank you guys so much!

Answer 8

@-SpencerBraz-

Answer 9

@escamer

Answer 10

@Decarr432

Answer 11

Really nice :)

Answer 12

Thank you!

Answer 13

Great Job!

Answer 14

Maybe name it
Beauty in the Eyes of a Beholder
It is your main theme after all and I think it sounds good.

I wonder what would happen if you switched a word up in the beginning of the third line in order to add more suspense and to keep the reader....reading basically you know?
Like maybe...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
That's what they told her
Dare she believe that it was true?

I really really love the next line after the third though. It's simple but has a very commanding point. :)
That who she loves is not up to you.
Darn straight sista! ^.^

Also, one other thing (maybe I'm a fanatic with wording in poetry) but in the seventh line, what if you made it sound different by adding an pause before the action?
Like this....

She loves him?
Yes, dearly.
She lost him?
Even more so, nearly.

What this does in a sense is add more of a questioning suspenseful-ness that makes the poem deeper.


But Pinky, these are mere suggestion's that I think would add and make the shaping of this work a bit better. Either than those beside, I really love this.
You have a sense of writing deep inside of you that will venture forth and get better and better over time if you keep practicing.
I loved reading this though! Thank you for sharing with me! ♥♥♥

Answer 15

I write a lot of poems and short stories. This is just one of my quick thoughts that needs some work. Thank you so much for your feedback! I'll be sure to keep these suggestions in mind. XD

Answer 16

xD

^ I felt like doing that :P