Question

Shortest story I've tried to write.

Includes depression, self harm, suicide, and abandonment. Not very detailed or anything since it's short.

Please let me know if I should change or add anything, your opinions and advice helps. I may make this into an actual length book. Thank you and enjoy.

Answer 1

I found this necklace with a clear crystal, fake of course, but looked beautiful and real. This necklace took the thing I loved most, my heart, my ability to love, the feelings only the heart could feel. No one knew about it and I couldn't tell them. I never took the necklace off because one time I did and I went through great pain. It made people sad and depressed when I couldn't return feeling anything that made me care for my family, my friends, or my boyfriend. The pain they felt brought me pain as I couldn't understand it when they said they loved me. My boyfriend killed himself, my friends cried and hurt themselves, and my family left me. I couldn't take this anymore, I took the necklace of and dropped it on the floor with a force making it shatter. Blood seeped out of the crystal shards as I collapsed to the floor. When I said it took my heart it really did, when I broke it literally broke my heart. The crystal took the place of my heart. So without it I died.

Answer 2

Really good I like it a lot! i wouldn't change anything to the story but keep up the good work!

Answer 3

It's got so much passion to it it's like when I read it I felt like I knew your thoughts @Ghostelle I could feel the pain the saddest everything. It tells a good sad story

Answer 4

@Ghostelle
I like how you started this off with a crystal necklace for the simple fact that it's unexpected and makes the reader want to finish finding out what the story is about.
Now, one note of criticism.
What the story seems to lack is suspension.
What I mean, is that I seem to get the vibe that I'm expecting everything thats about to happen.
One way to help this is to think "What do I want my readers to expect?"
Write like your the reader yourself and it may help change your mindset.
Either than that though, this is definitely a good start that I'd like to see you keep going on. :)

Answer 5

*^* Woooowwzers *-*

Answer 6

Thank you all!

@Atsie thank you for the feedback. I'll definitely try that out, the only reason why it had no suspension was because it's hard for me when I'm trying to write something short on purpose because it's supposed to limit my writing so I put enough detail into it and keeps it short so it helps me improve. I will try my hardest to improve this and hopefully able to make it longer and more detailed and into a short story or a chapter book XD not a novel cause those are too big.

Thanks guys again.

Answer 7

A chapter book may have more lead way then a general story. As in you'll be able to cram more in it and still keep it in the form of a short chapter book. Chapters are chapters for a reason. Short stories are short because they don't have intervals and they are a continuation (most times) of just one point.
SO with that in mind, look at both options and find what you are most comfortable with.
And don't forget to practice and make room for your imagination no matter how strong or minor it may be. ^.^

Answer 8

@Ghostelle :)

Answer 9

@Ghostelle this made me CRAFT (cry) in a good way because i have depression, and i do self harm, and i've tried to kill myself. But this was the best story so far that i have ever read

Answer 10

@Atsie I think comparing the two I believe doing a short chapter book would be easier, like 10 chapters at most. I will always continue practicing because there is always more to learn.

@phan_trash Thank you for your feedback, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with things like that, but you'll get through it :) I can't say it as an absolute fact sadly, but I can say it as a hope :)

Answer 11

It's wonderfully written and (tbh it made me cry)

Answer 12

@Ghostelle thank you so much

Answer 13

It's great! :o3

Answer 14

That's a deep story :0 I think it's wonderful, and if you could think of a background story, it could become a short novel :) Keep up the good work, my friend.

Answer 15

Thank you everyone for your feedback!

@AmberlynnMaxwell I have been trying to think of one, but nothing has come to me. If you could think of one that'd be great and I would be eternally grateful. WADDUP MOVIE REFERENCE!! WADDUP YOUTUBER REFERENCE XD (see what I did there XD) But if you can think of one for me thank you :D

Answer 16

@Ghostelle XD Alright, I'll try to think of something

Answer 17

Ok thanks!

Answer 18

@Ghostelle no problem ;D