Question

Please read over my research paper.. Looking for comments, suggestions, edits, etc.

Answer 1

Topic: Fast food, processed foods and obesity: about the toxicity and how this increased the obesity rate in the last year(s)

Answer 2

I do not have a conclusion written.

Answer 3

how long is this research paper supposed to be X0

Answer 4

6-8 pages double spaced.. The second document has all the information

Answer 5

Talk about how its unhealthy, how much fat is in it, where they get there meat and stuff, what is the healthy choices, least healthy

Answer 6

Im not asking for ideas on what to write my paper on. I have it mostly done already.

Answer 7

>Though the public debate on obesity is often related to the widespread availability of processed foods and fast food restaurants and is apparent to be a major contributing factor to the dramatic increase of obesity.

[EDIT] The public debate regarding obesity often relates the widespread availability of processed and fast foods as a major contributing factor influencing the widespread increase of obesity.

>Where the basic truth lies on the fact that the majority of the human population lead’s a fairly easy life; microwaves, smart houses with automatic lights, electric shavers, smart televisions, remote control start cars, cupcake machines, etc. Furthermore, these technological inventions have created a time, energy saving, convenient society. Some individuals say it’s a wonderful life, while others disagree.

*Note: "Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day. At least 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day. More than 80 percent of the world's population lives in countries where income differentials are widening." [www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats]

So while I understand the point you're trying to make, I believe it is inaccurate to be so loose with your wording of a majority of human's live an "easy" life, especially a life featuring all the exceptional conveniences you listed. Also, to make any claim such as "a majority of blank do blank" would require a citation.

[EDIT] Many first-world inhabitants enjoy a plethora of modern day luxuries, ranging from microwaves, smart houses with automatic lights, electric shavers, smart televisions, remote control start cars, cupcake machines, etc. Furthermore, these technological innovations create a society of convenience, where people save time and energy.

Answer 8

I will add that, generally, when writing in the future, focus on two facets:

1. Be assertive with your points, assert your position.

[EXAMPLE A]
An unhealthy diet can make someone feel sluggish and apathetic.

An unhealthy diet creates feelings of sluggishness and apathy.

2. Avoid using forms of "to be", "is", "are", etc. One of my English teachers required this of us when writing our papers, and the young us loathed it at the time, but in hindsight, it is a fantastic trait and makes your writing stronger.

[EXAMPLE B]
While today's modern luxuries have been welcomed by the masses, they have been accused of transforming us into passive, lethargic, couch potatoes.

While the masses welcome today's modern luxuries, we must address the issue of them turning us into passive, lethargic, couch potatoes.

[EXAMPLE C]
Humans are led to believe that processed and fast foods are good for the body, when in fact, they are only harmful and toxic to an individual’s body, and, the need to reveal this and the beneficial impact of healthy organic foods are imperative.

People, often misled to believe that processed and fast foods possess health benefits, do not realize the harmful and toxic effects to an individual’s body. Society must take the imperative and recognize the harmful effects of unhealthy processed foods, and reveal the benefits of healthy organic foods.

Answer 9

Thank you for all of this. After I eat lunch I will do some editing

Answer 10

Hi. I've had a look at the very first bit. Made some comments.

I’d begin with the introduction. The paper’s a critique/criticism of the food processing industry ? I’d do that statistics, references and all later. Reason is that readers may be just that, readers, not statisticians.
Introduction:
The fast food industry is a trillion dollar industry.
Fast food can be defined (1)(2) as a “general term used for a limited menu of foods that lend themselves to production-line techniques; suppliers tend to specialize in products such as hamburgers, pizzas, chicken, or sandwiches”(Bender).
Fast foods are processed by deliberate modification before being served
.Food critics (citation needed) of fast food items suggest that frequent consumers of fast foods tend to be lazier and less active than those who consume fresh food. It is claimed (citation) that these individuals are more proactive and energetic.
These critics (citation) also pointed out several reasons why fast food may be less healthy than other types of restaurant foods; these include capital, time, cost, and signature dishes.
Fast food began in Ancient Rome by street vendors and walk- up restaurants, who fed large segments of the population. Larger cities in Europe during the middle ages contained an abundance of quick and inexpensive food.
Interesting last two points. Ancient Rome may very well have had street food vendors who, cooking the fresh stuff would be processing it. Does that mean that it’s fast in the sense implied here, or does it just mean that someone decided to do their “home cooking” out on the streets and sell it ? After all, cooking IS food processing, it’s just that the ingredients and the storage times are different ?
References
1A Dictionary of Food and Nutrition
2(Bender)

Answer 11

let me know what you think about what i've done and whether it's worth continuing ?
Bon appetit - good appetite.
http://perendis.webs.com

Answer 12

Sorry but I don't fully understand what you did. Are you trying to make my first body paragraph the introduction? Whats with all the question marks? And why did you include that website?

Answer 13

I'm not an expert in processed food so ...
I looked at your work and saw how long it was. As I started to read it, I thought that it was longer and more detailed than I'd initially thought. So, i elected to have a look at the opening bits to see if I could understand it.
If there's one thing that tends to turn me off in any sort of article - tv, radio, written or whatever, it's having statistics come at me. Algebra is pretty bad too.
So, I thought, maybe start with a "verbal" introduction, sort of using some referenced definitions with which you agree to develop the argument, which presumably is that processed foods and "fast" foods are less good than unprocessed foods. And that the culture which promotes the fast food mass production tends to induce unhealthy lifestyles in its consumers.
I'd tend to put the numbers and statistics at the end when I thought I'd got the reader's attention.
When I got to the bit about Ancient Rome, I decided to stop because it took me completely by surprise.

I wondered if I was doing what you wanted so rather than waste both our times I thought I'd post it all.

I can pull my post down if you find it irritating.

The website may be of interest.

Answer 14

I would recommend you to check Supreme essay service. Those guys usually help me both to proofread and to edit my papers. So if you need their help you can give them a try.

Answer 15

@stamp @osprey Could you please delete the comments that contain information from my paper? Please and thank you. I do not want the turnitin website marking my paper as plagiarism because this website comes up.