Question

Is this grammatically correct and properly written?

He unfocused his eyes from his screen and turned around to face me, responding only with a gently growing smirk.
I blindly searched for the light switch in the obscurity of the room. As my hands came upon the plastic knob, I quickly flicked it on and was immediately blinded once again by the sudden flash of brightness. After my vision restored, I was able get a better look at the place.
His whole room was teeming with books and stacks of papers. He looked at me annoyingly and I responded with a mocking smirk.

Answer 1

@Atsie

Answer 2

Is this paragraph written correctly as well?

His whole room was in complete turmoil. It looked more like a library than a bedroom. Its furniture was disguised by books and stacks of papers. Its walls were covered with inspirational posters about success and education. I felt overwhelmed with information by just glancing about his room.

Answer 3

Improvements: (in capital letters)

"I felt overwhelmed with information by just glancing about THE room"

"He looked at me annoyingly and I responded with a mocking SNEER" <- (this is because you don't want to use the word smirk twice in the same paragraph. It'll subconsciously bore the reader)

"THE whole room was in complete turmoil" <- (if these two paragraphs are meant to go together, then don't say "his room" twice. )

" I quickly flicked it on and was immediately blinded once again by the sudden flash of brightness." <- (I'm unaware of what you had written before this, but as I do not know the context, the thought of 'blinded ONCE AGAIN" confuses me because when you say once again, you are repeating an action that already happened once before. Like I said, I don't know the context, but beware of that though ^.^)

I like what you got going here! It's written very well actually!! :)) What is the story about?

Answer 4

@Atsie Thanks you so much! I really appreciate the feedback. The story is about me learning about computer science from Rez and finding interest in that field of study.

Answer 5

@iTz_Sid
Hey, not a problem! I'm so glad I can be of help! ^>^
I hope through by chance that in the writing of this story, you not only realize why your interested in computer science but also realize a bit more about yourself and your abilities!
Keep on going! <3

Answer 6

Thanks!

Could you look over this paragraph?

Random indentation and punctuation were coming into play. I had not a single clue of what I was doing anymore. I spent days trying to figure it all out, but confusion prevailed. I closed my computer in frustration and had already begun searching for an escape from my excursion. I just could not take it anymore. Being trapped in this orb of code was suffocating. It felt as though each word I typed was sucking parts and pieces of my soul out of my body.

Answer 7

Woah! @iTz_Sid
This is written really quite well! I especially love the last line "It felt as though each word I typed was sucking parts and pieces of my soul out of my body." <- that is amazing!
I find nothing wrong with it to be honest, I really love your way with words when you write! I hope others do as well! ^.^

Answer 8

Thanks! :D

Answer 9

Anytime ^.^

Answer 10

Yes, @Atsie is right. I like your style of writing too. Is it going to be some sort of novel? I will be glad to read the whole story

Answer 11

@Derek
It was for a paper I had to write. I can post my finished draft, if you guys want.

Answer 12

That is great, I love your paper. That is written so good. Keep doing that. Best of luck!