I don't think I wrote the last sentence of this paragraph correctly. Review please
HELP

Question

elise_a18 · Answer

"Gatsby’s almost imaginary dream deems to be detrimental as Gatsby is rejected by Daisy’s refusal to admit she never loved Tom. “I did love him once--but I loved you too.” This rejection shattered Gatsby’s lifelong dream and ultimately results in his downfall. Because it’s formed from the past, the present seems to be ignored by Gatsby and time seems to be irrelevant to Gatsby’s as on page 86 where Gatsby’s incident knocking over a clock represents his indifference to the matter of passing time."

elise_a18 · Answer

represents his indifference to the matter of passing time? does that make any sense to you guys?

fandoms02 · Answer

Based on what you've posted it seems great! I don't see any corrections that are need nor required. The only think I would add(you don't have to) but to make it flow nicer, add a semicolon between Gasby's and as. Also just a quick question, in the same sentence is it supposed to say Gasby'a or Gasby?

moose. · Answer

Okay so you did really well on the first sentence. Good job! The second sentence needed a lot of revision, so I rewrote it for you: As it is formed in the past, the present is noticeably ignored, and time becomes gradually more irrelevant to Gatsby as can be seen on page 86 in which Gatsby’s incident of knocking over a clock represents his indifference to the matter of passing time.

The first word in any paragraph should never be "Because". There was repetitiveness with the seems to be's, "to Gatsby’s as on page 86" should be just "to Gatsby", and your wording was a bit off. Always be on the look out for wording, it's a gradebreaker with papers! Also read things out loud and see if they seem natural. Good lucky with everything!!

moose. · Answer

LOL oops. I said good lucky :P I mean, yeah, sure... "Good lucky" haha

osprey · Answer

last sentence seems to be ok ...