Question

I had to write a poem for school and this is the final poem. It kind of sucks but that's alright, it was just a quick thing I wrote down

Black and White
by: Pinky
Life for me is black and white
There is no escape from the night
Further and further from the light
Day by day this ever growing sadness
Engulfs me and leads me into its madness
There is no color in this life I see
All hope is lost for this sailor of the lonely sea
Because the Bell of Endings tolls for me

Answer 1

Some effort analysis
Line 1: There are only two paths, two absolutes, no grey area or in between
Line 2: One path is destined to be fulfilled (even if one tries to escape it), alludes to the darker color
Line 3: Drawing farther away from the other path, fulfilling line 2
Line 4: Slow and sad process, which one is conscious of, as it only grows stronger
Line 5: The path is consuming, turning one into itself
Line 6: There is no happiness or there are no options for me (destined path)
Line 7: Similar to line 2, adds that such a journey is being made alone. Compliments Line 6 with "no hope" and "no color" (no happiness/other options).
Line 8: Signals a coming sense of finality to the writer

Answer 2

I would say it lacks imagery but gets the point across. Ultimately Line 6 refutes both the title and first line of the poem.

Suggestion:

"There is no color in this life I see
All hope is lost for this sailor of the lonely sea "

to

There is no color in this life I see
But black and white in this lonely sea

Keeps things consistent. Whilst most personal poems are kind of like a rant and that is why they often evolve and change, it can be confusing for the reader if you start saying things that are the converse of others. Ultimately, it does not need to make sense and you can do whatever you want.

Answer 3

yup. this is the last time Im posting any of my writing anywhere
Thank you for the input tho