Allison:

I have a post open in Writing and in English, don't wanna close them. So here.

1 year ago
Allison:

Can someone please read this and check it? Is it good, run on sentences, or even grammar mistakes?

1 year ago
Allison:

1 attachment
1 year ago
Shadow:

Where are you writing this? Google Docs or Word?

1 year ago
Allison:

Word.

1 year ago
Shadow:

Ah, okay. The reason I ask is because I often help with peer editing via Google Docs. We can do it here though. "Mainly secularism, and rational thought" -> Mainly secularism and rational thought Comma is unnecessary. 'decided to form an organization' and 'formed a secret group of his own' This is repetitive. Capitalize 'Church' Conflicting thoughts of "the Illuminati was stopped" and "the Illuminati continues to push on." I would suggest hindered, or impeded.

1 year ago
Allison:

1 attachment
1 year ago
Allison:

For the last one, the "push on", what do I do?

1 year ago
Shadow:

You say that they were stopped yet in the following paragraph you note that they are pushing on. These thoughts conflict with each other. Change stopped to them being 'hindered' or 'impeded.'

1 year ago
Shadow:

Stopped makes it sound like they were put to rest, or could not move on.

1 year ago
Allison:

1 attachment
1 year ago
Allison:

How's that?

1 year ago
Shadow:

Even though he was (impeded/hindered) by (Conservatives/the Church/whoever was criminalizing the group's actions), Weishaupt and the Illuminati continue to push on...

1 year ago
Allison:

1 attachment
1 year ago
Shadow:

impended-> impeded

1 year ago
Allison:

1 attachment
1 year ago
Shadow:

yup :)

1 year ago
Allison:

1 attachment
1 year ago
Allison:

Those last two, how can I change them? I don't want them to see similar, what other words can I use other than, "Some people believe" and "It is believed"??

1 year ago
Allison:

.-.

1 year ago
Shadow:

think/thought

1 year ago
Shadow:

For more, I would recommend a thesaurus

1 year ago
Allison:

Got it. Thank you. :] I'll show you my progress in about 2 hours, if you're still here.

1 year ago
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