zarkam21:
Can somebody help me in English?
zarkam21:
Write a single scene that uses rich description to convey a particular theme. Use vivid imagery, along with dialogue, reflection, or both, to highlight that theme and to set an appropriate tone.
Shadow:
What difficulty are you having?
zarkam21:
I can't think of anything. I'm trying to brainstorm but ugh just cant thing of something
Shadow:
Think about a theme, then craft a world around it.
zarkam21:
I could do love right
Shadow:
Yes
Shadow:
I can write out an example if you'd like.
zarkam21:
Sure, i would really appreciate it
zarkam21:
Here I typed something up , can you tell me if it is good and what mistakes I should correct?
Shadow:
Sure
zarkam21:
ACT I SCENE 1 Scene is set on a beach in the night, with the ocean waves whipping back and forth Lynda: It’s getting chilly, we should be getting home soon. John looks straight into Lynda’s eyes. John: No matter how much time I spend with you, it seems too short Lynda giggles quietly while looking out into the waves of the ocean John: I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Lynda’s innocent eyes look down at the sand and her eyes begin to become wet. John: (surprised and regretful) I’m sorry , are you okay? I really don’t want to hurt you in any way. Lynda: No, it’s just my parents, they died when I was just 3. I don’t know what it feels to be loved. John holds Lynda’s hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Lynda: It’s…. It’s just that I have never been loved, I’ve been alone my whole life. John: I will make you feel loved, I will treat you like you should’ve been treated. I will love you more than anything in this universe. Lynda: It’s.. It’s just that…. That… John takes his finger and picks up Lynda’s face so their eyes are interlocked John: Do not be afraid Darling, I will never leave your side Lynda: I’m just scared of being left alone once again John: Stop being afraid and just come into my arms, so I can show you what it feels like to be loved. Lynda: Promise you won’t hurt me. John: I promise, angel. And thus began the story of John and Lynda, Read on to find out if Lynda is loved by John, or just gets stuck in another trap. ..
Shadow:
Oh, does it need to be like a play
zarkam21:
Write a single scene that uses rich description to convey a particular theme. Use vivid imagery, along with dialogue, reflection, or both, to highlight that theme and to set an appropriate tone.
zarkam21:
This is the prompt
Shadow:
Haha, you made it seem quite formal. But it definitely foots the bill. It evokes many thoughts (reflection) and has an appropriate tone. You can tell the theme is correlated to love, and the tone is set well with a gradual movement towards it. The dialogue did a good job of conveying that. I would say the only think you could add to it is more imagery. I know they are on a beach, and there are waves, yet for the most part it seems like it is two figures sitting in the darkness. Add more detail. Perhaps their feet are in the sand. Is it still warm, or cold to touch? "ocean waves whipping back and forth" whipping seems more characteristic of winds, also this makes it sound like there is a storm going on. This seems to be an unusual setting for a love scene. This is entirely up to you though, it's just a creative critique.
Shadow:
Besides referencing sand, some other ideas could be trees, seaweed, shells, crabs, the wind blowing, perhaps a pet dog? who knows, let your mind take it somewhere creative.
zarkam21:
HOw about set on a beach in the night, the moonlightis shining on Lynda and John. All whilst waves are washing up on the grainy sand.
zarkam21:
and when John interlocks eyes with Lynda , her hair is blowing from the wind
Shadow:
Perhaps, smooth sand? And what color is Lynda's eyes, and hair?
Shadow:
You don't even have to say just blue. It could be a simile "with eyes like the ocean"
zarkam21:
ACT I SCENE 1 Scene is set on a beach in the night, the moonlight is shining on Lynda and John. All whilst waves are washing up on the smooth sand. Lynda: It’s getting chilly, we should be getting home soon. John looks straight into Lynda’s bright eyes that are incomparable to the blue ocean waves John: No matter how much time I spend with you, it seems too short Lynda giggles quietly while looking out into the waves of the ocean John: I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Lynda’s innocent blue eyes look down at the sand and her eyes begin to become wet. John: (surprised and regretful) I’m sorry , are you okay? I really don’t want to hurt you in any way. Lynda: No, it’s just my parents, they died when I was just 3. I don’t know what it feels to be loved. John holds Lynda’s hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Lynda: It’s…. It’s just that I have never been loved, I’ve been alone my whole life. John: I will make you feel loved, I will treat you like you should’ve been treated. I will love you more than anything in this universe. Lynda: It’s.. It’s just that…. That… John takes his finger and picks up Lynda’s face, the wind is blowing through her black hair. Their eyes begin to interlock. John: Do not be afraid Darling, I will never leave your side Lynda: I’m just scared of being left alone once again John: Stop being afraid and just come into my arms, so I can show you what it feels like to be loved. Lynda: Promise you won’t hurt me. John: I promise, angel. And thus began the story of John and Lynda, Read on to find out if Lynda is loved by John, or just gets stuck in another trap. ..
Shadow:
Better. But why do you say "incomparable"
zarkam21:
that they are so beautiful that they cannot be compared to even the bluest ocean waves
Shadow:
That isn't so clear. And ocean waves aren't famous for giving off that much light. Perhaps: "incomparable to the stars that dressed the night sky."
zarkam21:
Wow! That is perfect
zarkam21:
DO you think everything else is okay>
Shadow:
Yes
zarkam21:
Thank you so much
Shadow:
No problem :)
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