Question

Identify and state the errors in the following expressions and rewrite with an appropriate alternative to fulfill the characteristics of technical writing.

1. We collaborated together on the assignment.
2. This is a brand new innovation.
3. I will see you in the near future.
4. I am in receipt of your e-mail message requesting an increase in pay.
5. The computer was purchased by Shaan.
6. First and foremost, I would like to thank you for accepting my application.
7. Despite the fact that I was prepared for my session; yet, it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.
8. It is impossible to open an account for you today.
9. An Orientation Session will be arranged for freshman.
10. A vacancy has been announced for the post of Chairman Higher Education Commission.
Good

Answer 1

well this isn't my area of expertise but I can give it a shot

1. has a redundant word, do you have any idea what it might be?

Answer 2

@Shadow this might be more up your alley

Answer 3

@zarkam are you online?

Answer 4

Yes .

this is what I got for the first example:

1. We collaborated together on the assignment.

This sentence is utilizing redundant expressions which is making this sentence long and wordy. Collaboration means working on something together so there is no need for the both “collaborated” and “together”.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: We are working together.

Answer 5

That’s good. What about the second one?

Answer 6

The innovation is new?

Answer 7

Well , I would go with “This innovation is new.” If I’m honest, I don’t see much of a problem with the original. The only likely criticism would be the use of unnecessary words, which would be brand. It’s a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. Yet we already get the idea that it’s new, and we don’t need any extra.

Answer 8

okay so I can put that explanation as the answer?

Answer 9

the first example i did the first sentence, that should be a model for how all the other answers should be, explanation and all =)

Answer 10

Unecessary words, flowery language, yeah.

Answer 11

This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be brand. It is a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. The idea is already expressed that it is new, and there is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: This innovation is new.

Answer 12

So this

Answer 13

Yes.

Answer 14

You seem to get the idea. I have to run but I might be able to come back later and check some of your other ones.

Answer 15

Okay so for the third one would it be I will see you in the future/.

Answer 16

You. An also contract I and will to i’ll

Answer 17

You can* on mobile, haha

Answer 18

So,

I'll see you in the future?

Answer 19

Makes sentence shorter and faster to read, thus more efficient.

Answer 20

Yes

Answer 21

You really just need to check and make sure that with each sentence, the same core meaning can be derived from the original.

Answer 22

Okay so
This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be near. The idea is already expressed that it is new, and there is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I'll see you in the future

Answer 23

When you get back, we can continue

Answer 24

When you get back, this is the lesson that goes along with this activity.

Answer 25

I have the model answer which is the first answer

Answer 26

All the answers need to be like that

Answer 27

4. I am in receipt of your e-mail message requesting an increase in pay.

well, there's probably a better way to say "in receipt" for ex. "received"

Answer 28

actually looking at your rubric I'd put this under "reduce phrases to words" instead of redunancy

Answer 29

5) is in passive voice, change to active voice by making Shaun the subject
6) looking at your rubric, "first and foremost" counts as a doubled word and should be changed to just "first"

Answer 30

There's a better way to say "in receipt" for ex. "Received" . This error in this sentence is to reduce phrases to words. The correction would be to change in receipt to received.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I received your email requesting an increase in pay.

Answer 31

this for 4

Answer 32

good

Answer 33

I'm sorry I am just going in depth for all the answers because it is a requirement

Answer 34

yeah that's fine, I can look over your work for 5-6 too

Answer 35

This sentence is utilizing passive voice. It needs to be changed to active voice by making Shaun the subject. When active voice is utilized, the subject is the doer of the action. It should come first and get the emphasis. The sentences become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: Shaun purchased the computer.

Answer 36

This for number 5

Answer 37

well done

Answer 38

This sentence counts as a double worded sentence. “First and foremost” are words that portray the same idea. It is important to not use word pairs that mean the same thing to avoid the sentence from being lengthy. By eliminating one of the two same meaning words, the sentence become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: First , I would like to thank you for accepting my application.

Answer 39

well done

Answer 40

This sentence needs to reduce phrases to words. Many phrases can be expressed in fewer words or even in a single word. By changing "despite the fact that" to "although", the sentence become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: Although, I was prepared for my session; yet, it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.

Answer 41

for 7

Answer 42

would that be correct for 7 =)

Answer 43

yeah 7 is good

Answer 44

This length of this sentence can be reduced. by contracting “It” and “is” to It's for reading speed and efficiency, the sentence becomes flowy. Everything else has meaning to the sentence.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: It’s impossible to open an account for you today.

Answer 45

for 8

Answer 46

yeah, Shadow and I talked about that one a bit, we weren't completely sure

I would suggest "An account cannot be opened for you today" as a way to make the sentence shorter + more concise. but you could go with that as well.

Answer 47

8. It is impossible to open an account for you today.

This length of this sentence can be reduced. by changing "it is impossible to open account for you" to "an account cannot be opened" the sentence length decreases making it more concise
Many phrases can be expressed in fewer words or even in a single word.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: An account can’t be opened today.

Another way to correct this would be by reducing the length of this sentence. It can be reduced by contracting “It” and “is” to It's for reading speed and efficiency, the sentence becomes flowy. Everything else has meaning to the sentence.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: It’s impossible to open an account for you today.

Answer 48

I put both as options

Answer 49

ok

Answer 50

for 9 it would be removing the redundant word "session" since an orientation already describes a session right?

Answer 51

yeah

Answer 52

This sentence is utilizing redundant expressions which is making this sentence long and wordy. “Session” means program as well as “orientation” so there is no need for the both words. This eliminates redundancy and the sentence becomes more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: An Orientation will be arranged for freshman.

Answer 53

good

Answer 54

wait wouldnt this be delete double words??? not redundacy

Answer 55

well yeah, there's an overlap between the two ideas so yeah, delete double words i guess

Answer 56

Idk about 10, changing to active voice is a possibility "we have announced..." etc. but it's kind of awkward

Answer 57

10. A vacancy has been announced for the post of Chairman Higher Education Commission.

Answer 58

is there possibility anything in the lesson :o that matches up

Answer 59

credit goes to Shadow for this but he suggested changing the word order to make the meaning more precise and put the word vacancy closer to the position being described

A vacancy for the Chairman Higher Education Commission has been announced.

Answer 60

there's something in handout 07 about changing the word order to make the meaning more precise

Answer 61

SO the final sentence would be, "Vacancy is announced for the post of Chairman Higher Education Commission.???

Answer 62

*A vacancy for the Chairman Higher Education Commission has been announced.*

Answer 63

can we just do number 3, I dont think I got that

Answer 64

3. I will see you in the near future.

personally I would change "near future" to "soon" to eliminate unnecessary words

Answer 65

This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be near future It is a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. The idea is already expressed that it is future, and there is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I will see you soon.

Answer 66

good

Answer 67

Identify and state the errors in the following expressions and rewrite with an appropriate alternative to fulfill the characteristics of technical writing.

1. We collaborated together on the assignment.

This sentence is utilizing redundant expressions which is making this sentence long and wordy. Collaboration means working on something together so there is no need for the both “collaborated” and “together”.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: We are working together.

2. This is a brand new innovation.

This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be brand. It is a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. The idea is already expressed that it is new, and there is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: This innovation is new.

3. I will see you in the near future.

This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be near future It is a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. The idea is already expressed that it is future, and there is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I will see you soon.


4. I am in receipt of your e-mail message requesting an increase in pay.

There's a better way to say "in receipt" for ex. "Received" . This error in this sentence is to reduce phrases to words. The correction would be to change in receipt to received.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I received your email requesting an increase in pay.

5. The computer was purchased by Shaan.

This sentence is utilizing passive voice. It needs to be changed to active voice by making Shaun the subject. When active voice is utilized, the subject is the doer of the action. It should come first and get the emphasis. The sentences become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: Shaun purchased the computer.


6. First and foremost, I would like to thank you for accepting my application.

This sentence counts as a double worded sentence. “First and foremost” are words that portray the same idea. It is important to not use word pairs that mean the same thing to avoid the sentence from being lengthy. By eliminating one of the two same meaning words, the sentence become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: First , I would like to thank you for accepting my application.

7. Despite the fact that I was prepared for my session; yet, it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.

This sentence needs to reduce phrases to words. Many phrases can be expressed in fewer words or even in a single word. By changing "despite the fact that" to "although", the sentence become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: Although, I was prepared for my session; yet, it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.

8. It is impossible to open an account for you today.

This length of this sentence can be reduced. by changing "it is impossible to open account for you" to "an account cannot be opened" the sentence length decreases making it more concise
Many phrases can be expressed in fewer words or even in a single word.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: An account can’t be opened today.

Another way to correct this sentence would be by reducing the length. It can be reduced by contracting “It” and “is” to It's for reading speed and efficiency, the sentence becomes flowy. Everything else has meaning to the sentence.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: It’s impossible to open an account for you today.

9. An Orientation Session will be arranged for freshman.

This sentence is utilizing the use of doubled words which is making this sentence long and wordy. “Session” means program as well as “orientation” so there is no need for the both words. This eliminates redundancy and the sentence becomes more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: An Orientation will be arranged for freshman.


10. A vacancy has been announced for the post of Chairman Higher Education Commission.

By changing the word order, the sentence becomes concise. Placing the word “vacancy” closer to the position being described makes the sentence more precise and prevents wordiness.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: A vacancy for the Chairman Higher Education Commission has been announced.

Answer 68

How does this look ?

Answer 69

just a few minor nitpicks

2. "innovation" already implies something new, so even "This is an innovation" is sufficient
7. there doesn't need to be a comma after "although", and you don't need the "yet"

Although I was prepared for my session, it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.

everything else seems ok to me

Answer 70

need to head out to class, maybe shadow can take a review if he's free

Answer 71

Identify and state the errors in the following expressions and rewrite with an appropriate alternative to fulfill the characteristics of technical writing.

1. We collaborated together on the assignment.

This sentence is utilizing redundant expressions which is making this sentence long and wordy. Collaboration means working on something together so there is no need for the both “collaborated” and “together”.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: We are working together.

2. This is a brand new innovation.

This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be brand. It is a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. "innovation" also implies something new,
The idea is already expressed that it is new. There is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: This is an innovation.

3. I will see you in the near future.

This sentence is utilizing the use of unnecessary words, which would be near future It is a noun functioning as an adverb, meant to give further detail. The idea is already expressed that it is future, and there is no need for any extra.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I will see you soon.


4. I am in receipt of your e-mail message requesting an increase in pay.

There's a better way to say "in receipt" for ex. "Received" . This error in this sentence is to reduce phrases to words. The correction would be to change in receipt to received.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: I received your email requesting an increase in pay.

5. The computer was purchased by Shaan.

This sentence is utilizing passive voice. It needs to be changed to active voice by making Shaun the subject. When active voice is utilized, the subject is the doer of the action. It should come first and get the emphasis. The sentences become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: Shaun purchased the computer.


6. First and foremost, I would like to thank you for accepting my application.

This sentence counts as a double worded sentence. “First and foremost” are words that portray the same idea. It is important to not use word pairs that mean the same thing to avoid the sentence from being lengthy. By eliminating one of the two same meaning words, the sentence become more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: First , I would like to thank you for accepting my application.

7. Despite the fact that I was prepared for my session; yet, it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.

This sentence needs to reduce phrases to words. Many phrases can be expressed in fewer words or even in a single word. By changing "despite the fact that" to "although", the sentence become more comprehensible. Also, eliminating “yet” makes the sentence more precise.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: Although I was prepared for my session; it got postponed due to the unavailability of supervisors.

8. It is impossible to open an account for you today.

This length of this sentence can be reduced. by changing "it is impossible to open account for you" to "an account cannot be opened" the sentence length decreases making it more concise
Many phrases can be expressed in fewer words or even in a single word.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: An account can’t be opened today.

Another way to correct this sentence would be by reducing the length. It can be reduced by contracting “It” and “is” to It's for reading speed and efficiency, the sentence becomes flowy. Everything else has meaning to the sentence.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: It’s impossible to open an account for you today.

9. An Orientation Session will be arranged for freshman.

This sentence is utilizing the use of doubled words which is making this sentence long and wordy. “Session” means program as well as “orientation” so there is no need for the both words. This eliminates redundancy and the sentence becomes more comprehensible.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: An Orientation will be arranged for freshman.


10. A vacancy has been announced for the post of Chairman Higher Education Commission.

By changing the word order, the sentence becomes concise. Placing the word “vacancy” closer to the position being described makes the sentence more precise and prevents wordiness.
The way to concisely write this sentence would be: A vacancy for the Chairman Higher Education Commission has been announced.

Answer 72

@Shadow

Answer 73

Is this good now =)

Answer 74

You capitalized orientation in 9

Answer 75

As long as the sentences retain their meaning and are more concise, it should be fine.

Answer 76

The look fine in my opinion.