Question

Song

Answer 1

@Zowie

Answer 2

So lets just work on the first stanza. Let's break it down.

Answer 3

We haven't talked for a thousand years,
And my heart is covered with frost.
We have long forgiven all the insults,
But they’re now connected with other ones.

Answer 4

So it doesn't quite flow together well.

Answer 5

Yeah haha

Answer 6

I had to do something for school so I just did this

Answer 7

It's got a good message behind it. The first line should say:
We haven't talked in so long,
It feels like thousands of years.

Answer 8

Ok thats like so much better

Answer 9

We haven't talked in so long,
It feels like thousands of years.
We forgave each other.
But threw insults again.

Answer 10

It sounds fine to me, but could be better i think

Answer 11

the last line especially, doesnt flow

Answer 12

Yeah, it still doesn't flow but I love the idea behind it. You;re headed in the right direction.

Answer 13

Ok cool, ill try more, thanks

Answer 14

I also make beats, so i could just pick one that i made and add it, or make a new one, but somebody else is gonna have to sing it i suck lol

Answer 15

We threw insults and you shut me off.
You're covering in frost but since has thawed.
We used to love each other but now you've moved on.

Answer 16

You should worry about the lyrics then after you are happy and content with the lyrics you then start working on the music behind the song.

Answer 17

yeah thats what i was gonna do, and literally thats so good how do you do that right on the spot lmao

Answer 18

XD Thanks. It still needs work but we're getting somewhere.

Answer 19

ye

Answer 20

So now lets work on the next stanza.

Answer 21

Yes, I did not want to, but I thought about you.
I thought about you, especially in the morning.
Hated those who are with you now.
Every day... I thought about you.

Answer 22

So the idea behind this stanza is basically saying you don't like who he/she has moved onto.

Answer 23

Sorry i had to go for a bit

Answer 24

It's okai.

Answer 25

Yeah thats the idea, just that he/she cant forget him/her, and like you said

Answer 26

You say "you" too much. And that's not always a bad thing but if you repeat it to much it could get annoying.

Answer 27

Okay, thanks for that lol

Answer 28

So try to work around that and revise the 2nd stanza and tell me what you get.

Answer 29

Ok

Answer 30

I could not forget those lovely days.
The lovely days I spent with you.
Hated those who stole your heart.
Every day... I thought about you.

Hows that?
I couldnt think of anything for the last line, like i literally have nothing, and for the second line i could change you, to her, same with all the you's, what do u think?

Answer 31

Okai. I like the idea, but how about,
I couldn't forget the lovely days.
The ones where i spent all day with you.
I hate the ones who've stolen your heart.
All the while I still think of you.

Answer 32

Oh thats good

Answer 33

I actually meant this to be a poem for school, later on a rap, and now a song haha

Answer 34

So these two first stanzas were meant to be sung, and then the rest except the like last two rapped

Answer 35

So idk if i should leave it like that or make it a song, not a rap

Answer 36

You could totally make it a rap.

Answer 37

Yeah i think i wanna leave it, just also make the words better

Answer 38

I'll work on the next one then..

Answer 39

The rap part is so much harder

Answer 40

like idek what to change

Answer 41

Try to make it flow.

Answer 42

Ok Zowie, we're gonna have to finish/continue this tomorrow, cause I'm like totally out of ideas plus i still have some school left, so, thank you so much for the help, it was really awesome, I changed only the second line so far:
I gave you my soul.
Everything that was left of me, and you took it all.
And often on the verge of feeling, we build something we destroy.
Scandals for the sake of emotions... I'm not used to putting everything outside.
Anyway, thanks again @Zowie

Answer 43

Alright well whenever you want to work on it again just let me know. LAways happy to help! <3

Answer 44

Its niceee

Answer 45

After listening to your song, you have made me happy for life!!!! Best response, please??

Answer 46

GOODDDD 11111110000000000/10

Answer 47

500/1000 Could use some work, but I like it still.