What do you guys think of this for part of my story. (i tired to use good words to describe things lol)
i would love any tips!

I sat on the floor, tears streaming down each of my cheeks. I stare at George, laying in the same spot I placed him in except now a blanket was limply covering him. I can’t help but think that he was dead. That I didn’t save him in time. That he’s gone. But I knew it wasn't true, I got up to check his pulse every five minutes.
The reality of what had just happened started reigning down on me like a thousand tons. The thought of how George and I could have died. broke me inside. Tearing my heart to pieces.
I could still hear the loud creatures footsteps barreling down towards me. It wouldn’t leave me alone so i just sat here. In the corner of the room, paranoid and jumping of every slight noise. The vision of the black face I saw in the window overridden my brain. It had no eyes, just two black holes. I shook my head trying to think of something else. anything.

(also it's not completely 100% grammar correct :P)

Question

What do you guys think of this for part of my story. (i tired to use good words to describe things lol)
i would love any tips!

I sat on the floor, tears streaming down each of my cheeks. I stare at George, laying in the same spot I placed him in except now a blanket was limply covering him. I can’t help but think that he was dead. That I didn’t save him in time. That he’s gone. But I knew it wasn't true, I got up to check his pulse every five minutes.
The reality of what had just happened started reigning down on me like a thousand tons. The thought of how George and I could have died.  broke me inside. Tearing my heart to pieces. 
I could still hear the loud creatures footsteps barreling down towards me. It wouldn’t leave me alone so i just sat here. In the corner of the room, paranoid and jumping of every slight noise. The vision of the black face I saw in the window overridden my brain. It had no eyes, just two black holes. I shook my head trying to think of something else. anything.

(also it's not completely 100% grammar correct :P)

rocfp · Answer

I  LOVE the twist in the story, Keep trying and don't give up! ✨🙃

Monicasayshi · Answer

@rocfp wrote:

I LOVE the twist in the story, Keep trying and don't give up! ✨🙃

ty 😊

rocfp · Answer

Np!

Astrid1 · Answer

Sounds nice but I decided to switch out some og the words and use Sesquipedalian.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat on the concrete. I look at George, who is still lying in the same position I placed him, but with a blanket draped over him. I can't help but believe he's gone. That I didn't intervene in time to save him. That he's no longer with us. But I knew it wasn't real, so I got up every five minutes to check his pulse.
The truth of what had just happened slammed through me like a ton of bricks. The possibility that George and I would have died. I was broken on the inside. My heart is being torn to shreds.
I could still hear the rumbling of the creatures' footsteps approaching me. I sat here because it wouldn't leave me alone. Paranoid and jumpy in the corner of the room at the slightest noise. My brain was overridden by the image of the black face I saw in the glass. It didn't have any eyes, just two black holes. I shook my head, trying to come up with another idea.

I hope you didn't mind, I got bored so, yeah. Sorry xd.

Monicasayshi · Answer

@astrid1 wrote:

Sounds nice but I decided to switch out some og the words and use Sesquipedalian. yoooooooooo that makes it sound so much better tysm Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat on the concrete. I look at George, who is still lying in the same position I placed him, but with a blanket draped over him. I can't help but believe he's gone. That I didn't intervene in time to save him. That he's no longer with us. But I knew it wasn't real, so I got up every five minutes to check his pulse. The truth of what had just happened slammed through me like a ton of bricks. The possibility that George and I would have died. I was broken on the inside. My heart is being torn to shreds. I could still hear the rumbling of the creatures' footsteps approaching me. I sat here because it wouldn't leave me alone. Paranoid and jumpy in the corner of the room at the slightest noise. My brain was overridden by the image of the black face I saw in the glass. It didn't have any eyes, just two black holes. I shook my head, trying to come up with another idea. I hope you didn't mind, I got bored so, yeah. Sorry xd.