What do you guys think of think for part of my essay? edits and criticism are welcome :]

As he walked around the desk he gasped and stumbled backwards, falling on his hands and knees. He scrambled up right away and ran to me, frantic. He fell into my arms, slamming me against the cutians on the window. His hands moved all around the glass as if he could teleport through it. His face was scared and in panic.
I put my hands on his shoulders, asking him what happened, trying to calm him down. He wasn't responding, he was in shock and panic from whatever he saw his breath was loud and heavy. He slunked down onto the floor wrapping his knees to his chest, getting as far in the corner as he could go, staring at the front desk in shock.

Question

What do you guys think of think for part of my essay?  edits and criticism are welcome :]

As he walked around the desk he gasped and stumbled backwards, falling on his hands and knees. He scrambled up right away and ran to me, frantic. He fell into my arms, slamming me against the cutians on the window. His hands moved all around the glass as if he could teleport through it. His face was scared and in panic.
I put my hands on his shoulders, asking him what happened, trying to calm him down. He wasn't responding, he was in shock and panic from whatever he saw his breath was loud and heavy. He slunked down onto the floor wrapping his knees to his chest, getting as far in the corner as he could go, staring at the front desk in shock.

Astro · Answer

It's pretty good so far, Keep up the great work!

Alexis1415 · Answer

I LOVE IT!!! keep going

blinks2233 · Answer

Amazing.

Astrid1 · Answer

It's nice.
I did tweak it a bit and I also fixed the two grammatical errors.

He gasped and staggered backward, landing on his hands and knees as he stepped around the desk. He jumped to his feet and dashed over to me, frantic. He slammed into my arms, smashing me against the window's curtains. As if he could teleport through the glass, his hands moved all over it. He had a frightened and panicked expression on his face.
	I placed my hands on his shoulders and asked him what had happened, attempting to soothe him. He wasn't responding; he was stunned and terrified by what he had seen, and his breathing was loud and heavy. He slunk down onto the floor, wrapping his arms around his chest and squeezing himself into the corner as far as he could, gazing at the front desk in disbelief.

SunnyLandscape04 · Answer

This is more of a story rather than an essay.

Monicasayshi · Answer

@astrid1 wrote:

It's nice. I did tweak it a bit and I also fixed the two grammatical errors. He gasped and staggered backward, landing on his hands and knees as he stepped around the desk. He jumped to his feet and dashed over to me, frantic. He slammed into my arms, smashing me against the window's curtains. As if he could teleport through the glass, his hands moved all over it. He had a frightened and panicked expression on his face. I placed my hands on his shoulders and asked him what had happened, attempting to soothe him. He wasn't responding; he was stunned and terrified by what he had seen, and his breathing was loud and heavy. He slunk down onto the floor, wrapping his arms around his chest and squeezing himself into the corner as far as he could, gazing at the front desk in disbelief.

oooo i like it!

Monicasayshi · Answer

@sunnylandscape04 wrote:

This is more of a story rather than an essay.

an essay on a work of fiction for my creative writing class

LandonGoma · Answer

It's pretty good so , Keep up the great work!

LandonGoma · Answer

@moyu12

LandonGoma · Answer

@moyu1888

Ashely · Answer

looks really good just fix the errors in grammar and you will be all set.