check out my new poem

Happiness isn't my game that is why I feel so ashamed of me and my foolish moves, thinking I could be with you, know I don't really care, that was just a lie

Question

check out my new poem

Happiness isn't my game that is why I feel so ashamed of me and my foolish moves, thinking I could be with you, know I don't really care, that was just a lie

Ash06Wolf · Answer

May I point out a few things I'd change?

4waldo · Answer

@ash06wolf wrote:

May I point out a few things I'd change?

sure, why not

4waldo · Answer

dont point out the spelling errors, ik

Sweetie145 · Answer

it's good

4waldo · Answer

Happiness isn't my game that is why I feel so ashamed of me and my foolish moves, thinking I could be with you knowing I don't really care that was just a lie and i'm going to say goodbye, to my past life

Ash06Wolf · Answer

@4waldo wrote:

@ash06wolf wrote:

May I point out a few things I'd change?

sure, why not

Well, first I would say to shorten the first line a bit since the others are so much shorter, or make them longer. It's not bad at all, just would try to make it more even on length. I would also personally use third person, since it's easy for me to understand but I'm not saying you have to, it's just what I think of personally.

4waldo · Answer

ok

Ash06Wolf · Answer

It's a very good poem though :)