Question

can some one tell me feed back on my story so far plz

Answer 1

I was just walking down the street with felix to the bus stop when we get there we see sungmin and bang chan and ther tall as a graf and as skinny as slenderman both of them bang chan was smaller than sungmin tho bang chan is 15 and sungmin is 14 wer all in 10th grad me and felix are both 14.

“ Hey nerd.” sengmin said with a big smirk on his face
“ stop being mean to him.” bang chan said yelling at his brother

These two argued all the time they were more like twins then me and felix. 5 more days till awer birthday to day is september 10th and its i a weak ses school has started and i feel like i am going to die we just moved here and are new step siblings have bin anying us every day they have to be the first at everything to the bus stop out of bed to the dining room it's driving us nuts are mom died 2 years ago and there dad died 2 years ago

“ my friends should be here soon” i say hopefully
“ How do you even have friends. “ seungmin ses with an annoyed tone
“We have frends lee know and hyunjin” felix said

Just the we see lee know skating down the street with his new skateboard that he got 4 weeks ago hyunjin was running down the street to felix him and felix we're best friends and lee know and i were best friends and tagging along behind them were changbin and I.N. the house must be crazy ther dad was in jail for tax fraud but their mom was the nicest person alive they were rich to because of their step dad he owns a remodeling company they each had their own rooms they wer big compared to mine and felixis cramped room

I feel a cold droplit o my head. I checked my phone it 10? Are bus comes at 7:15 school starts at 8:15
“I think we missed the bus.” i say getting soaked by the rain
“ the house is too far to go back home now what” hyunjin ses frightened
“ hey let's go in the house behind us for the time being” bang chan ses in a caring voice
I look at him with a frightened face he knows i hate scary things but he looked just as frightened

“Ya lets just go in the bandit house that noone has lived in for like 500 years and lets just call the ghostbusters wall were at it” seungmin ses with a very sarcstc voice

We all hate this scary house there's rumors that the last people that lived in it died the old man that lived there i herd died of a heart attack but the wife had committed suside cuz of her late husband i hate scary story but those were just rumours right? We're running up to the porch now cuz it's pouring rain. Chang bin is trying to act tough by going by the door and trying to open it. To lower sapris it was unlocked?

“ that's weird “ hyunjin ses looking at felix with a fake smile on his face
“ yep that is but yay we won't get soaked now in the rain.” felix said reaching for hyunjins hand
I.N look excited he loved scary stories but then yet he was 13 and in 8th grade and all 8th graders loved one thing to make them seem tough so scary stories was his thing which was weird cuz none of his family liked scary stories the only thing he is scared of is spiders. One time during halloween we had put a rubber spider on his bed and she screamed like a serial killer was right over him my ears were ringing for 3 days after that. We had a vido ad we put it on youtube and we weill newer let him dow for that.

“ oo lets hope ther is no spiders” chang bin said in a taunting voise
“I hate you changbin.”I.N said with an anyed voise

All a sudin we hear some one running towed the house we all have this tarfid look on are face i look in the distins we cant see ene thing in the rain but i can see this small figer in the disns and it looks like i small kid 13 maby?

“Oh my god its win. I.N your frend just scared ther crap out of us.” i say wall looking at I.N win was all ways late no mater what it was
“Sorry im late” win ses “the rain slowed me down”
“Doesn't everything” lee kow mumuls
I shoot a a look at him the tipe of look your mom shoots at you when your eersing her ad sh just wants you to be quite lee know smiles at me i smile back
“ ther flirting agen minsunggggg” sendmin ses as we wack in the door of the old house
“ wer not flirting “ lee know ses in a very defensiv voise its cute
“Now your standing up for our boy frend lee minho “ bang chan ses lafing the hole time wall saying it
“ well felix and hyunjin are holding hands and you wont bug them abut that” i say ponting to hyunjin and felixs hands
“ we all know that felix loves to cuddle with hyunjin cuz ther hyunlix and ther to cute to bug” seungmin ses like its the most ovis thing in the world
I wach I.N and Win go to the corner of the room with ther flash lights on they wer acting like they were a invesgater in a gost show
“LOOK A SPIDER!!!!” changbin ses to I.N. just to scar hin
“WHAT WERE- “ yelling in fear
“ON YOUR JAKIT “ changbin pointing to I.N right sied of his jackit
“AHHHHhHHHHhhhhHHh” I.N. yelling on top of his lungs cuz he thinks ther an acwell spider in him
“I.N thers nothing there trust me” felix ses trying to calling him down
“ chang bin stop scaring the baby breads you know ther scared of spiders”bang chan ses “i call being in charg cuz in the oldest “
“ no fair im the 2ent oldest so why cant i be in charg? Hmm” lee know ses like he could handl all 9 of us he can barley handl me felix and hyunjin.
“Shut up bang chans in charg lee know” I.N. and win say like they kair ther just going to explor ene ways
I chaec my phone ageon no servis the rain must have konked out the power lines and now noone has sevis
We start to hearing lightning and hyunlix (hyunjin +felix) jumps ther is some old furncher in this old house it looks like ther is a old couch and chairs
“ it looks like wer spending the night hear” seungmin suters to say
“ did we evin bring food?” changbin askz

Answer 2

I really like it

Answer 3

I dont think you have done any proofreading before you posted this. If you had I am sure you would have noticed the immediate grammatical errors you have from the start. The story itself is fine can use a little tweaking. I as a reader am somewhat lost from the very beginning. You need a back story. You should start by introducing the characters, and how you as the author feel about them be it you're the main character it seems. I think you should proofread, and repost with your emendations then we can go on from there

Answer 4

thx and this is a first draft so ik

Answer 5

!

Answer 6

I like it but it does need a bit of work on grammar and puncutation

Answer 7

Awesomely amazing or amazingly awesome!

Answer 8

cool

Answer 9

stray kids? lol