Question

Does this look ok to yall??

Answer 1

the hook sentence in your introduction is a little confusing, maybe try stating a question like, "Have you ever wanted to own a pet?"

Answer 2

its good but in the beginning instead of saying today im going to tell people how to own a pet'' you should say ''a pet can become a great thing in your life, why you may ask?''

Answer 3

this way it will sound more professional and smooth more than it sounding demanding and rough

Answer 4

Change the first sentence. You don't want to say ur doing an assignment just pretend your going to say this in a conversation. Also your first paragraph is indented but the others aren't. I like the way you used transition words, nice job!

Answer 5

Change your hook into a question like what is your favorite type of pet or Do you have an pet

Answer 6

thats nice, nice essayy matey

Answer 7

Alright, I think this could use some work. Like others said, change your hook. Here are some hook examples you can use below.

Also, your thesis seems scrambled. And in your last paragraph, your body paragraph and closing paragraph are mixed up together.

Could you please show me your thesis for this, or your T-bar statement/web? This paragraph is hard for your readers to read, and could use a grammar and spell check.

So on, you give weird examples, you are trying to persuade your readers I'm guessing to own a pet. Don't bring the cons to light, as you write "For example if you have a snake or hamster you need to have a lot of stuff and that's gonna cost a whole lot of money" I understand that you tried to bridge the pros and cons together, but I think it was done poorly.

This essay has a lot of setbacks and the word choice is bland, maybe try a rewrite or at least correct the things I stated?

Good attempt though! I apologize if my criticism was harsh.

Answer 8

Hope this helped!

Answer 9

I agree with everyone's responses you should fix the hook and add more detailing along with a better reasoning and use more transition words don't use the basic form of speech in your writing just a little tip- hope it helps!