Question

what do you think of my story so far ?
grammar corrections and criticisim Needed !!

Answer 1

The lost and forgotten Ghost

Once upon a time, there was a child who loved to do many things like drawing and writing, but the thing he loved most of all was exploring the woods behind his home but one day his exploring would lead to a quite literally deadly discovery. On that fateful day, the child was wandering through the woods and stumbled upon a clearing that he knew was not there before he noticed that in the middle of the clearing stood a small house the perfect size for a child like him, as he approached the house an extremely tall man exited the house it was impossible for him to have been inhabiting the house. The child noticed that the tall man was wearing an extremely tall top hat with a red ribbon tied around it and a black silky suit that had a long tailcoat and a blood red tie tucked into his suit. The tall man looked down at the child with a hint of curiosity and said, “What are you doing in these parts kid? It's not safe for you here.” The tall man's voice was deep, the kind of deep that sent a cold shiver down your spine. "I-I was exploring the woods behind my house.” the child stuttered as he pointed in the direction of his house. “What are you doing here? I've never seen this clearing before, and I explore these woods a lot.” The child said looking curiously up at the tall man. “I don’t normally live in this clearing but I was needed and so I am here. What’s your name kid?” The tall man said. “My name is Pumpkin! What’s yours?” The tall man smiled and said “I have been called many things by many people. My name is Charos but you can call me whatever you wish” “Ok! I think I will just call you Moss because Moss is cool and so are you!” The tall man chuckled and said, “you should come inside it’s getting rather chilly outside.” as soon as Moss said that Pumpkin realized just how cold he was and hesitantly entered the. Pumpkin saw that the house was as tiny as the outside portrayed it to be with a small kitchen and a large fire surrounded by a few chairs and a couch when Pumpkin turned around, he saw that Moss’s height had changed Moss was still wearing the same outfit but had become smaller. Moss was still extremely tall but was a normal tall like his dad. “how’d you do that?” Asked Pumpkin “The shrinking? It is just a little trick I learned a long time ago. Here sit down at the table.” Pumpkin walked over to the small table and sat down. Moss asked, “would you like some tea?” “Sure, I would love some tea if it’s not too much of a bother.” Pumpkin said as he watched Moss put an iron tea kettle on the fire. “What kind of tea would you like?” Moss asked. “Well, I really like mint tea but whatever you have is fine!” Moss started looking through the cabinets and after a moment said, “you are in luck I have one more mint tea bag left!” After a few minutes, the tea kettle began to whistle, and Moss walked over and pulled it off the fire walking over to the table and poured the hot water into two cups sitting on the table Pumpkin picked his up and took a big sip of his tea and yelled “HOT TEA HOT TEA!! “As he was fanning his Toung trying to cool it down the Tall man started laughing and after a moment said, “I have a gift for you Pumpkin.” Moss handed Pumpkin a tiny frog that was missing an eye. “I love him!!” Pumpkin squealed. “His name is Fred he will be you spirit guide for the afterlife.” Moss said. ““SPIRIT GUIDE?!? AFTER LIFE?!?! What are you talking about!?!?” Pumpkin screamed rushing up from the table knocking everything off the table in the process. Moss sighed and mumbled “this always happens every time” as he picked everything up off the floor he said, “my name charos means death I am the grim reaper and I'm so sorry, but your time is sadly up.” After Moss said that Pumpkin started to feel drowsy. Moss picked him up and laid him on the couch. “w-why h-how could you? "Pumpkin whispered barely able to keep his eyes open or his head up. Moss looked at pumpkin with a truly heartbroken look and said, “I’m sorry I have no choice, it's the law. I despise it when they make me take children. I really do. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry.” Moss put Fred next to Pumpkin and said, “Fred will show you where to go, they'll lead you to the underworld. I'll see you soon.” pumpkin's eyes slowly fluttered shut as Moss said, “goodbye” , their voice faltering for just a moment.

Pumpkin Suddenly woke up in the middle of a beautiful flower field and as he was sitting up, he said, “Where am I?” he got up and as he was brushing himself off, he looked around in awe taking in the surroundings and the beautiful colors of the flowers surrounding him

Answer 2

is the child you?

Answer 3

Don't start with a once upon a time.

Answer 4

"Once upon a time" is a very decent story starter it can be used if necessary

Answer 5

Seeing as the story is a fairy tale (I assume), "Once upon a time" is a pretty good starter, but it sounds really cliché. You could start with, "Once there was a child..." or something of the sort. The story's plot also progresses really really fast. Jumping straight into the main plot gives no suspense. You should maybe tell a mini story to give the reader an understanding on how much the child enjoys exploring. One more thing! Because this is a fairy tale, try and make it sound medieval. Fairy tales are all about knights, princesses, monsters, and stuff like that. A lot of fairy tales take place in the olden days. If the story is meant to be modern, make sure the reader knows this. Maybe make a few modern references like mentioning the child watching "The Matrix" or something of the sort.

That's all I have. Thanks for reading this far.

Answer 6

It's a suggestion. Letting the reader know it's a modern fairy tale makes it easier to write. I never said the story had to have large modern details. It could be a tiny one. As long as it lets you know it's not medieval.

Answer 7

Minor details can go a long way in a story. If you don't let the reader know if the story is modern or not, that's like getting rid of the setting completely.

Answer 8

Exactly. In the story there is a lot of mentions based around forests. There could be a lot of tiny details within the story to determine if the forest is modern or not. Including those details will make the story easier to write.

Answer 9

Detailing the character's emotions or characteristics isn't exactly what I'm talking about. Making a modern reference to make the story easier to write could be anything. Basing the reference around the character's emotions or personality won't help much because of how diverse humans are. However, if there is a reference to a movie or a product that wasn't around back in the olden days. The character's personality traits can be built around which generation they're from.

If you want to keep talking about this, DM me so we don't clutter the question.

Answer 10

i like it

Answer 11

This is amazing ! I really wanna know where it's gonna take Pumpkin next!

Answer 12

Also if I were able to make mangas, I'd 100% do so, but I can barely draw as it is

Answer 13

i will make another post with the continued story!

Answer 14

Ooo, yay!

Answer 15

its awesome i love it!