Question

critisim needed

Answer 1

The lost and forgotten Ghost

Once upon a time, there was
a child who loved to do many things like drawing and writing, but the thing he
loved most of all was exploring the woods behind his home but one day his
exploring would lead to a quite literally deadly discovery. On that fateful
day, the child was wandering through the woods and stumbled upon a clearing
that he knew was not there before. He noticed that in the middle of the
clearing stood a small house the perfect size for a child like him, as he
approached the house an extremely tall man exited the house realizing it was
impossible for him to have been inhabiting the house, Pumpkin took a hesitant
step back craning his neck to see the man. The child noticed that the tall man
was wearing an extremely tall top hat with a bushel of red feathers on the side
around, a black silky suit that had a long tailcoat and a blood red tie tucked
into his suit. The tall man looked down at the child with a hint of curiosity
or maybe sadness and said, “What are you doing in these parts kid? It's not
safe for you here.” The tall man's voice was deep, the kind of deep that sent a
cold shiver down your spine. the child stuttered, "I-I was exploring the
woods behind my house, what are you doing here? I've never seen this clearing
before, and I explore these woods a lot.” the tall man said, “well I don’t
normally live in this area but I was needed and so I am here now. What’s your
name kid?” “My name is Pumpkin! What’s yours?” pumpkin said excited to
make a new friend. The tall man smiled and said “I have been called many things
by many people. My name is Charos, but you can call me whatever you wish.” “Oh
ok! Ch are so I’ll try to remember that” The tall man chuckled and said, “you
should come inside it’s getting rather chilly outside.” as soon as Charos said
that Pumpkin suddenly felt the cold biting at his nose and hands and hesitantly
entered the cabin. Pumpkin saw that the house was as tiny as the outside
portrayed it to be with a small kitchen and a large fire surrounded by a few
chairs and a couch. When Pumpkin turned around, he saw that Moss’s height had
changed. Moss was still wearing the same outfit but had become smaller. Moss
was still extremely tall but was a normal tall like his dad. “how’d you do
that?” Asked Pumpkin “The shrinking? It is just a little trick I learned a long
time ago. Here sit down at the table.” Pumpkin took off his jacket, and gloves
and put them on a little coat rack and walked over to the small table and sat
down. Charos asked, “would you like some tea?” “S-sure, I would love some tea
if it’s not too much of a bother.” Pumpkin said as he rubbed his hands
together trying to warm himself up, he watched Moss put an iron tea kettle on
the fire. “What kind of tea would you like?” Moss asked. “Well, mint tea but
whatever you have is fine.” Charos started looking through the cabinets and
after a moment said, “you are in luck, I have one more mint tea bag left!”
Charos rummaged through the
cabinets grabbing two mugs and setting them on the table. Pumpkin watched as
Charos filled up the tea kettle and put it on a little hook just above the fire
and threw a few logs into the fire. After a few minutes, the tea kettle began
to whistle, and Charos walked over and pulled it off the fire, walked over to
the table and poured the hot water into two cups sitting on the table. Charos
handed Pumpkin his tea and said, “there you go.” Pumpkin picked up his and took
a big sip of his tea and yelled “HOT TEA HOT TEA!! “As he was fanning his
Tongue trying to cool it down the Tall man started laughing and after a moment
said, “I have a gift for you Pumpkin.” Charos handed Pumpkin a tiny frog. “I
love him!!” Pumpkin squealed but why is he missing an eye? “He fought a battle
against the toads long ago, his name is Fred he will be your spirit guide for the
afterlife.” Moss said. ““SPIRIT GUIDE?!? AFTER LIFE?!?! What are you talking
about!?!?” Pumpkin yelled rushing up from the table knocking everything off the
table. Moss sighed and mumbled, “this always happens every time” as he picked
everything up off the floor he said, “my name charos means death I am the grim
Reaper and I'm so sorry, but your time is up.” After Moss said that Pumpkin
started to feel drowsy. Moss picked him up and laid him on the couch. “w-why
h-how could you? "Pumpkin whispered barely able to keep his eyes open or
his head up. Moss looked at pumpkin with a truly heartbroken look and
said, “I’m sorry I have no choice, it's the law. I despise it when they make me
take children. I really do. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry.” Moss put Fred next to
Pumpkin and said, “Fred will show you where to go, they'll lead you to the
underworld. I'll see you soon.” Pumpkin's eyes slowly fluttered shut as Moss
said, “goodbye”, their voice faltering for just a moment.

Pumpkin Suddenly woke up in the middle of a beautiful flower field and as he was sitting up, he said well the obvious thing anyone would say,“Where am I?” he got up and as he was brushing himself off, he looked around in awe taking in the surroundings and the beautiful colors of the flowers surrounding him then out of the corner of his eye noticed something jumping up and down looking over to it pumpkin saw that it was a little frog and upon closer inspection he noticed that the little frog only had one eye. Pumpkin stood back up and said, “How peculiar a one eyed frog” pumpkin felt a tug of recognition like a distant memory trying to claw its way back to the surface, but before pumpkin could think of why he felt that the little frog started jumping away through the brush. Pumpkin rushed to follow the little frog running through the brush dodging the brush and low hanging branches. Pumpkin followed the frog all the way into the road and made it to the middle of the road before he heard it, a loud horn coming from a semi truck he wa s terrified but he couldn't move he was paralyzed with fear watching as the semi truck got close and closer and in an act of last minute panic pumpkin put his hands up using his hands to try to block the semi truck. Pumpkin shut his eyes tightly waiting for the impact. Pumpkin felt a cold draft go up his back but the semi truck never hit him. After a moment he opened his eye and saw that he was perfectly ok.

Answer 2

I wrote and edited my story again

Answer 3

1,201 words so far

Answer 4

awesome

Answer 5

I still have alot to write and edit. ri probably have alot of spelling and grammar errors

Answer 6

yeah I see a few spelling errors

Answer 7

It's good, lots of words for my small brain, but good. yes it has sum errors but this is a draft right?

Answer 8

Just go back and revise it. I skimmed through it real quick. You have a few capitalization errors, you have afterlife spelled as "after life", when it should be one word. Also noticed you should have more paragraphs as the top portion you wrote looks like three paragraphs or more mashed together instead of separated. That's pretty much the gist of what you need to fix.

Answer 9

Interesting story. Overall good, but there are some grammar and capitalization errors. Nothing too serious. Just go back and edit the story, and this'll be great.

Answer 10

yeah you could indent and make the paragraphs shorter idk