Question

I started writing a book and idk why tbh but yk.... here it is and idc of yall like it tbh so if you dont have nothing nice to say then st.fu


“Bella! Bella!” I heard a familiar voice say as I awakened from my slumber. It's just something about those brick hard school desks that put me to sleep so fast. I heard the fire alarm ringing. Briiing! Briiing! Briiing! I was guessing it was another fire drill or somebody pulled the alarm again. I mean it has happened 6 times in the last month.

Where I live we always have to do fire drills. It's literally mandatory.I go to California Preparatory academy(Cali Prep for short) but the famous nickname for our school is The Fire Hazard because it's the driest area around here. I live in Ranchos Palos Verdes, California where fires are an everyday thing. Just last week a gas station blew up on Maple street because the ground was so dry. But that's another story for another time.

“Bella wake up, it's a fire!” I look up to see the love of my life, Lamar. I mean yea our relationship was toxic, and yea he broke my heart several times but i loved him and i still do. And I just know that he still loves me too. We were each other's first love.

Lamar and I met on the first day of school at California College Preparatory School. It was my first day of junior high and Lamar had showed me around. Man when I tell you I was so lost. He showed me to all of my classes and introduced me to his friends. We had the same lunch period so I sat with him.

Answer 1

First of all- don’t bypass (:

On a different note, there doesn’t need to be a reason to start writing a book as it is a wonderful hobby and an amazing way to pass thru time<3

I love the way you started writing with such emphasis and the use of onomatopoeia which appeals to the imagination of well, sound and that perfect amount of geographic knowledge used in your writing

But i would suggest fixing a bit of that grammar such as capitalization and adding commas where they're needed:

- "Where I live, we always have to do fire drills."
- "I go to California Preparatory Academy(Cali Prep for short), but the famous nickname for our school is The Fire Hazard because it's the driest area around here."
- "Just last week, a gas station blew up on Maple Street because the ground was so dry."
- " I mean yea our relationship was toxic, and yea he broke my heart several times, but I loved him and I still do."
- "It was my first day of Junior High and Lamar had showed me around." (For this, showed is alright but I personally think shown would just sound better)
- "We had the same lunch period, so I sat with him."

These are the ones i caught

Overall, I love the structure of your story and the way it's written

Answer 2

Thx, I'll go try to fix it

Answer 3

Ofcourse! be sure to @ me

I would love to read over it for you and if you add more to it

Answer 4

Ok

Answer 5

i fw it fss keep it up Queen