Could I get some feedback on this poem I wrote? I also could use some title suggestions! :)

I lay in the yard

today has been hard

but like a tree

we all lose our leaves

and eventually they come back in the spring

one day we will rise up on wings

one day we'll be free

there will be no more chains

no more pain

nothing to hold us back

nothing to keep us from being free

Question

Could I get some feedback on this poem I wrote? I also could use some title suggestions! :)

I lay in the yard

today has been hard

but like a tree

we all lose our leaves

and eventually they come back in the spring

one day we will rise up on wings

one day we'll be free

there will be no more chains

no more pain

nothing to hold us back

nothing to keep us from being free

laylasnii13 · Answer

I love it

Lars · Answer

@laylasnii13 wrote:

I love it

Thank you <3

TigerHorse · Answer

it's great, you should name it (A spring day at my yard)

Lars · Answer

@tigerhorse wrote:

it's great, you should name it (A spring day at my yard)

Thank you! I'll take that into consideration :)

TigerHorse · Answer

your welcome

chuckthedonut · Answer

I really like it! It sounds really good, I think you did great! My favorite part is the "but like a tree, we all lose our leaves" Overall amazing job! :D

Lars · Answer

@chuckthedonut wrote:

I really like it! It sounds really good, I think you did great! My favorite part is the "but like a tree, we all lose our leaves" Overall amazing job! :D

Thank you.

chuckthedonut · Answer

@lars wrote:

@chuckthedonut wrote:

I really like it! It sounds really good, I think you did great! My favorite part is the "but like a tree, we all lose our leaves" Overall amazing job! :D

Thank you.

No prob :)

Renne · Answer

In honesty i love the emotion that I can feel when reading your poem. This is a real feeling and I love how it relates to everyone showing no one is alone.

Lars · Answer

@renne wrote:

In honesty i love the emotion that I can feel when reading your poem. This is a real feeling and I love how it relates to everyone showing no one is alone.

Thank you sm! :)

Renne · Answer

Of course!

Dolphan · Answer

This is amazing. I love this. I love the part one day we'll be free

there will be no more chains . Great job on this!!

Lars · Answer

@dolphan wrote:

This is amazing. I love this. I love the part one day we'll be free there will be no more chains . Great job on this!!

Thank you!! :)

OLIVER69 · Answer

I love it and I love the amount of emotion portrayed in this piece. Keep up the fabulous work. And a name for it could be "Dark to Light" because it takes a bad thing and turns it into a good thing if you know what I mean. Have a nice day. < 3

Lars · Answer

@oliver69 wrote:

I love it and I love the amount of emotion portrayed in this piece. Keep up the fabulous work. And a name for it could be "Dark to Light" because it takes a bad thing and turns it into a good thing if you know what I mean. Have a nice day. < 3

Thank you so much! And ooh I really like that suggestion, thank you :)

mikewwe13 · Answer

Your poem conveys a message of hope and resilience in the face of hardship. The metaphor of a tree losing its leaves in the fall but regaining them in the spring is a powerful representation of the cyclical nature of life and the inevitability of change.

The lines "one day we will rise up on wings" and "one day we'll be free" suggest a sense of optimism and the possibility of a brighter future. The idea of being free from chains and pain is a universal desire that many people can relate to.

The repetition of "nothing" in the last two lines emphasizes the idea that there is nothing that can hold us back or prevent us from being free, which is a powerful and empowering message.

As for title suggestions, here are a few ideas:

- Resilience
- The Promise of Spring
- Breaking Free
- Shedding Leaves, Finding Wings
- The Hope of Tomorrow

Overall, your poem is a beautiful expression of hope and resilience, and it has the potential to inspire and uplift readers who may be going through difficult times.

Lars · Answer

@mikewwe13 wrote:

Your poem conveys a message of hope and resilience in the face of hardship. The metaphor of a tree losing its leaves in the fall but regaining them in the spring is a powerful representation of the cyclical nature of life and the inevitability of change. The lines "one day we will rise up on wings" and "one day we'll be free" suggest a sense of optimism and the possibility of a brighter future. The idea of being free from chains and pain is a universal desire that many people can relate to. The repetition of "nothing" in the last two lines emphasizes the idea that there is nothing that can hold us back or prevent us from being free, which is a powerful and empowering message. As for title suggestions, here are a few ideas: - Resilience - The Promise of Spring - Breaking Free - Shedding Leaves, Finding Wings - The Hope of Tomorrow Overall, your poem is a beautiful expression of hope and resilience, and it has the potential to inspire and uplift readers who may be going through difficult times.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful analysis on this. Also, thank you for the title suggestions I appreciate them :)

lovemelee · Answer

its kinda sad

Lars · Answer

@lovemelee wrote:

its kinda sad

Yep that's sorta the point :)

lovemelee · Answer

i also enjoy writing poems lol

lovemelee · Answer

to write a sad poem?

Lars · Answer

@lovemelee wrote:

to write a sad poem?

Yeah it's like taking a sad thing like hardships and such and trying to put the light into it as well as conveying hope yk? And that's cool that you like writing poems :)

lovemelee · Answer

ahh got it

lovemelee · Answer

is it cool if i share one?

Lars · Answer

@lovemelee wrote:

is it cool if i share one?

Yeah ofc

lovemelee · Answer

Screams fill my ears eyes wide and wet I can only sit and fret I want to evaporate. this decision is not up for debate left with my heart in your hand you stomp on it and it crumbles just like crayons evaporating slowly inside all i do is question why .why was it so hard to tell me goodbye i sit there and watch you sigh like it my fault that i cry oh no! Here he comes people it time to set my feelings aside tie them up and wave goodbye fix my face time to smile we might have to act for a while but remember it's not okay to pretend every wind-up toy has its end.  i used this one for a project

Lars · Answer

@lovemelee wrote:

Screams fill my ears eyes wide and wet I can only sit and fret I want to evaporate. this decision is not up for debate left with my heart in your hand you stomp on it and it crumbles just like crayons evaporating slowly inside all i do is question why .why was it so hard to tell me goodbye i sit there and watch you sigh like it my fault that i cry oh no! Here he comes people it time to set my feelings aside tie them up and wave goodbye fix my face time to smile we might have to act for a while but remember it's not okay to pretend every wind-up toy has its end. i used this one for a project

Wow, that's some really strong writing and it's very deep

lovemelee · Answer

yeahhh i kinda started when i was very young

lovemelee · Answer

i developed these emotions when i was younger and because i was so young i could not talk about it bcs no kid would understand even though i was a kid so i kinda just wrote it out

lovemelee · Answer

lol

Lars · Answer

@lovemelee wrote:

i developed these emotions when i was younger and because i was so young i could not talk about it bcs no kid would understand even though i was a kid so i kinda just wrote it out

Yeah that makes sense I get what you mean

gorytrgy · Answer

love it

Lars · Answer

@gorytrgy wrote:

love it

Thank you :)

lovemelee · Answer

very good

Lars · Answer

@lovemelee wrote:

very good

Thank you :)

Krissy525 · Answer

Good job

Lars · Answer

@krissy525 wrote:

Good job

Thank you!

Arizona · Answer

i love that poem so much   maybe u can name it- Freedom

Lars · Answer

@arizona wrote:

i love that poem so much maybe u can name it- Freedom

Thanks so much for the suggestion!! :)

FrogGirlEmmy · Answer

so good

lovemelee · Answer

some people dont read it an just comment things like 'omg so good" or "wow so deep" lol

FrogGirlEmmy · Answer

nice

lovemelee · Answer

not directed toward u but ok?

FrogGirlEmmy · Answer

all i said wa okay lmao 😐

lovemelee · Answer

yep

Lars · Answer

@froggirlemmy wrote:

so good

Thank you!! :)

FrogGirlEmmy · Answer

ofccc