Question

I wrote a new story... still working on it... feedback?!

Answer 1

There was a small sound echoing all throughout the house. This house was quite old and had made a lot of weird sounds, but the sound I heard that night was like a small child say, “hey” throughout the house. I live in that house for almost five years now and I’ve never heard that sound till yesterday. I was going to see if I see where the sound came from, but like all horror movies, if you go near something like that, you’ll die. So instead I took a walk because maybe it was all in my head. After the walk, I went to sleep and I didn’t hear the sound at all. I continued my day like it was no other, except I heard the voice again, but this time it was like it was whispering in my ear and it sounded like a middle-aged woman. The funny thing was that the voice whispered, “Ask him out”. Which normally you don’t hear a weird voice like that whisper that into your ear. I turned around to make sure no one was pranking me and they weren’t. I was staring at a man when the voice whispered. Now usually I try not to stare at a man because it would make me seem like a creep, but this man something was different with him. The voice got louder in my ear saying, “Ask him out”. I would totally ask him out if I didn’t have social anxiety. Last time I tried to ask someone out, my chest got heavy and I almost collapsed right there in the spot. I was lucky that my best friend was with me because he saved me from embarrassment. The voice got louder and louder. I started walking towards the guy and the voice would get softer. It was still quite loud and I knew it wouldn’t stop until I asked him out. I was getting closer when a female approached him, put her hands around him and kissed his lips. I felt a pit in my stomach and my face nearly turned white.

Answer 2

its actuely relly cool keep up the good work!. alltho is the main person a boy or a girl cuz it is genraly a cute thing. and it can varry much turn into a good book!

Answer 3

well i've written more and the next part reveals the gender of the main character

Answer 4

Damn Olly this is absolutely amazing. It drew me in from the first sentence. I can't wait to see more. Keep it up. You are awesome at writing stories and poems and everything in between. Good job.