I wrote this for my gf. Any suggestions before I show it to her?

My heart is an ember, to be softly blown to flame

all I know is how it feels to hear you say my name

Without your love I fall too deep, cannot be recovered

seeing your scarlet smile makes me feel as though discovered

I cannot help it, for your eyes light up the night

look me in the eyes and I feel so finite

Pick me up and be my dole and I will do the same.

All I know is how it feels to hear you say my name.

Question

I wrote this for my gf. Any suggestions before I show it to her?

My heart is an ember, to be softly blown to flame

all I know is how it feels to hear you say my name

Without your love I fall too deep, cannot be recovered

seeing your scarlet smile makes me feel as though discovered

I cannot help it, for your eyes light up the night

look me in the eyes and I feel so finite

Pick me up and be my dole and I will do the same.

All I know is how it feels to hear you say my name.

sirena2456 · Answer

aww it very cute

Jeremana73 · Answer

If anyone has any suggestions for how to lengthen the shorter middle lines, that would be very helpful

KAMBRENDA774 · Answer

That was beautiful. I almost cried by writing this

Midnight97 · Answer

it's cute and no, plus keep it up

Jeremana73 · Answer

@kambrenda774 wrote:

That was beautiful. I almost cried by writing this

Thank you!

Illuminous · Answer

It's adorable :>

KAMBRENDA774 · Answer

@jeremana73 wrote:

@kambrenda774 wrote:

That was beautiful. I almost cried by writing this

Thank you!

Np ;)

The0nlyleilani · Answer

Its really good