“Be happy”
“You’re just living in agony”
I feel most at home when I’m
living in my agony
living in this world i’m used to

I don’t know who i’d be
if i was happy
i’m living in comfort
it hurts but it feels so normal

i’ve learned to hide
the hurt that i feel
when everyone else
says it’s not real

i wish i had
some cyanide
to end the bad
and help to hide

it’s ridiculous
the pain that i feel
why can’t i talk to you?
why isn’t it real?

Question

“Be happy”
“You’re just living in agony”
I feel most at home when I’m
living in my agony
living in this world i’m used to

I don’t know who i’d be
if i was happy
i’m living in comfort 
it hurts but it feels so normal

i’ve learned to hide
the hurt that i feel
when everyone else
says it’s not real

i wish i had
some cyanide
to end the bad
and help to hide

it’s ridiculous 
the pain that i feel
why can’t i talk to you? 
why isn’t it real?

SaltySuga · Answer

Www

2hrs · Answer

sssooso fire ssoosos much mc vibes !

Isry · Answer

It’s great that you’re finding an outlet to express yourself. However, from a technical perspective there are a few things that you can work on. Some of your rhymes are stretches at best. For instance, I think cyanide and hide don’t really work as rhymes. I understand what you’re trying to do but if you take it syllable by syllable it doesn’t work. I think in your poetry keeping consistent syllable counts can be a great tool for getting out of yo ur comfort zone and expanding your vocabulary. Find a more creative way to say what you’re trying to say. The repetition of certain words like “hide” and “agony” also take me out of the poem. I don’t think it’s an artistic choice to repeat these words I think it’s because you don’t know how else to say what you’re feeling which is fine, but if you take more time really thinking about your poem you’ll surprise yourself with what you come up with.

xXMarsXx · Answer

@isry wrote:

It’s great that you’re finding an outlet to express yourself. However, from a technical perspective there are a few things that you can work on. Some of your rhymes are stretches at best. For instance, I think cyanide and hide don’t really work as rhymes. I understand what you’re trying to do but if you take it syllable by syllable it doesn’t work. I think in your poetry keeping consistent syllable counts can be a great tool for getting out of yo ur comfort zone and expanding your vocabulary. Find a more creative way to say what you’re trying to say. The repetition of certain words like “hide” and “agony” also take me out of the poem. I don’t think it’s an artistic choice to repeat these words I think it’s because you don’t know how else to say what you’re feeling which is fine, but if you take more time really thinking about your poem you’ll surprise yourself with what you come up with.

i did mean to repeat agony and hurt specifically, but i didn’t think about how it could be that way. thank you for the feedback! i’ll try to remember this thru out my writing

DonaldTrumpofQC · Answer

Nice job

Isry · Answer

@xxmarsxx wrote:

@isry wrote:

It’s great that you’re finding an outlet to express yourself. However, from a technical perspective there are a few things that you can work on. Some of your rhymes are stretches at best. For instance, I think cyanide and hide don’t really work as rhymes. I understand what you’re trying to do but if you take it syllable by syllable it doesn’t work. I think in your poetry keeping consistent syllable counts can be a great tool for getting out of yo ur comfort zone and expanding your vocabulary. Find a more creative way to say what you’re trying to say. The repetition of certain words like “hide” and “agony” also take me out of the poem. I don’t think it’s an artistic choice to repeat these words I think it’s because you don’t know how else to say what you’re feeling which is fine, but if you take more time really thinking about your poem you’ll surprise yourself with what you come up with.

i did mean to repeat agony and hurt specifically, but i didn’t think about how it could be that way. thank you for the feedback! i’ll try to remember this thru out my writing

Biggest thing to remember is don’t ever give up. I’m not giving you this feedback to discourage you, but rather I want you to reach your creative potential.

theydontknowally · Answer

indeed felt