The weekend
It was 5 am in the morning we were still awake i didn't say much i just listened to you that great idea came up in your head like it was magic you told me we should run away i asked why and you didn't say we pack a small bag and we left the house you liked like you know what you were doing we walk for hours and hours we stopped at a house you said to wait outside that house and you said you'd be right back there was a black car Cheeseeing at the end of the street i called you but i don't think you heard you told me to cack something in my hand i didn't want to
But you made me even if i did not want

Question

The weekend 
It was 5 am in the morning we were still awake  i didn't say much i just listened to you that great idea came up in your head like it was magic you told me we should run away i asked why and you didn't say we pack a small bag and we left the house you liked like you know what you were doing we walk for hours and hours we stopped at a house you said to wait outside that house and you said you'd be right back there was a black car Cheeseeing at the end of the street i called you but i don't think you heard  you told me to cack something in my hand i didn't want to 
But you made me even if  i did not want

gelphielvr · Answer

This is good over all but I recommend making the sentences a little shorter

2hrs · Answer

woah dude why don't u have any periods in this!

XShawtyX · Answer

@2hrs wrote:

woah dude why don't u have any periods in this!

cuz she don't know what that is 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏾♀️

XShawtyX · Answer

@gelphielvr wrote:

This is good over all but I recommend making the sentences a little shorter

frfrfr

8u · Answer

can yall not be mean

gelphielvr · Answer

@8u wrote:

can yall not be mean

sorry not trying to be mean. but seriously try making the sentences shorter and not using that many "I"s and "and"s. The story has great potential but the run on sentences make it hard to read.

8u · Answer

bruhh

XShawtyX · Answer

@gelphielvr wrote:

@8u wrote:

can yall not be mean

sorry not trying to be mean. but seriously try making the sentences shorter and not using that many "I"s and "and"s. The story has great potential but the run on sentences make it hard to read.

it's not a story gng 💀 my sista has problems w/ spelling n shi 🤚🏽

gelphielvr · Answer

@xshawtyx wrote:

@gelphielvr wrote:

@8u wrote:

can yall not be mean

sorry not trying to be mean. but seriously try making the sentences shorter and not using that many "I"s and "and"s. The story has great potential but the run on sentences make it hard to read.

it's not a story gng 💀 my sista has problems w/ spelling n shi 🤚🏽

if its not a story then what is it? Sorry if I'm missing the context here but this seems like a short story about two siblings running away.

8u · Answer

?

XShawtyX · Answer

@gelphielvr 
it does seem that way 😭
But no it's supposed to be a song 🤷🏾♀️ idk man

Lillys2account · Answer

if this was a song...it wouldn't be formatted so poorly(and I'm not being rude), You need to have a little less "and's" + "I"....It makes it difficult to read, and will loose your readers attention. Songs are typically formatted in a Stanza form...Makes it seem more like a story. Instead of a song. There is an overwhelming amount of confusion ( at least for me ) when I read your "song".. None of this is meant to be rude, just some advice. I used to be the same way when i started righting songs. It helps you and your readers understand your song better if you format it properly. Hope this helps:)

XShawtyX · Answer

@lillys2account wrote:

if this was a song...it wouldn't be formatted so poorly(and I'm not being rude), You need to have a little less "and's" + "I"....It makes it difficult to read, and will loose your readers attention. Songs are typically formatted in a Stanza form...Makes it seem more like a story. Instead of a song. There is an overwhelming amount of confusion ( at least for me ) when I read your "song".. None of this is meant to be rude, just some advice. I used to be the same way when i started righting songs. It helps you and your readers understand your song better if you format it properly. Hope this helps:)

Agree w/ u 100%