Grammar check?
Once, there was a girl named Alaida. She was a small-town girl with big dreams of becoming a famous horse rider. Her trusty steed's name was Alibi. Alaida had been training Alibi ever since she was a foul. She wanted to travel the world and show Alibi’s skills and maintained coat. Alaida's parents didn't believe their daughter's dream would come true, but they were still very supportive.

Alaida came to her parents one day and said “Mom, Dad, there are horse tryouts coming up on Saturday. Am I able to go?”. Her parents checked their schedule for Saturday and they had no plans. “Yes Alai, we can go.” Alaida sprung up as happy as ever knowing she had a chance at her biggest dream. After that Alaida went out with her friends to celebrate. Her friends were overall chill other than Lily, she was a little crazy. Constance brought her stupid, dumbfounded boyfriend whom I hated a lot.

Question

Grammar check? 
Once, there was a girl named Alaida. She was a small-town girl with big dreams of becoming a famous horse rider. Her trusty steed's name was Alibi. Alaida had been training Alibi ever since she was a foul. She wanted to travel the world and show Alibi’s skills and maintained coat. Alaida's parents didn't believe their daughter's dream would come true, but they were still very supportive.

Alaida came to her parents one day and said “Mom, Dad, there are horse tryouts coming up on Saturday. Am I able to go?”. Her parents checked their schedule for Saturday and they had no plans. “Yes Alai, we can go.” Alaida sprung up as happy as ever knowing she had a chance at her biggest dream. After that Alaida went out with her friends to celebrate. Her friends were overall chill other than Lily, she was a little crazy. Constance brought her stupid, dumbfounded boyfriend whom I hated a lot.

Yosad930 · Answer

okay sooo even tho my english grade is my lowest grade and everything and im chinese and so my english aint that gud, im not confident on which is a problem and which fits in grammar rules. but i do got a few suggestions (all based on gut feelings) so dont take my word for it and all that. so yeah:

- maybe replace "foul" to something more people can understand? the word foul is well known as something bad

- "show Alibi's skills and maintained coat" just sounds weird to me ._.

- "horse tryouts coming on Saturday" ?? maybe "this saturday" sounds better

(gtg dont got time for more atm)

sobitter · Answer

@yosad930 wrote:

okay sooo even tho my english grade is my lowest grade and everything and im chinese and so my english aint that gud, im not confident on which is a problem and which fits in grammar rules. but i do got a few suggestions (all based on gut feelings) so dont take my word for it and all that. so yeah: - maybe replace "foul" to something more people can understand? the word foul is well known as something bad - "show Alibi's skills and maintained coat" just sounds weird to me ._. - "horse tryouts coming on Saturday" ?? maybe "this saturday" sounds better (gtg dont got time for more atm)

Foul means a baby horse, tyy

Yosad930 · Answer

@sobitter wrote:

@yosad930 wrote:

okay sooo even tho my english grade is my lowest grade and everything and im chinese and so my english aint that gud, im not confident on which is a problem and which fits in grammar rules. but i do got a few suggestions (all based on gut feelings) so dont take my word for it and all that. so yeah: - maybe replace "foul" to something more people can understand? the word foul is well known as something bad - "show Alibi's skills and maintained coat" just sounds weird to me ._. - "horse tryouts coming on Saturday" ?? maybe "this saturday" sounds better (gtg dont got time for more atm)

Foul means a baby horse, tyy

i thought a baby horse was called a foal lol

sobitter · Answer

@yosad930 wrote:

@sobitter wrote:

OOPS U RIGHTT

@yosad930 wrote:

okay sooo even tho my english grade is my lowest grade and everything and im chinese and so my english aint that gud, im not confident on which is a problem and which fits in grammar rules. but i do got a few suggestions (all based on gut feelings) so dont take my word for it and all that. so yeah: - maybe replace "foul" to something more people can understand? the word foul is well known as something bad - "show Alibi's skills and maintained coat" just sounds weird to me ._. - "horse tryouts coming on Saturday" ?? maybe "this saturday" sounds better (gtg dont got time for more atm)

Foul means a baby horse, tyy

i thought a baby horse was called a foal lol

sobitter · Answer

@sobitter wrote:

@yosad930 wrote:

@sobitter wrote:

OOPS U RIGHTT

@yosad930 wrote:

okay sooo even tho my english grade is my lowest grade and everything and im chinese and so my english aint that gud, im not confident on which is a problem and which fits in grammar rules. but i do got a few suggestions (all based on gut feelings) so dont take my word for it and all that. so yeah: - maybe replace "foul" to something more people can understand? the word foul is well known as something bad - "show Alibi's skills and maintained coat" just sounds weird to me ._. - "horse tryouts coming on Saturday" ?? maybe "this saturday" sounds better (gtg dont got time for more atm)

Foul means a baby horse, tyy

i thought a baby horse was called a foal lol

sorry about that, your right thoo

Yosad930 · Answer

k continue going with my gut feelings lol

- "checked their schedule for Saturday and they had no plans" sounds a bit weird "

- "Her friends were overall chill other than Lily.." sounds even more.. unique?

and the last sentence is so outta context. why is it in "I" pov? i thought the story was in 3rd person, not first person

sobitter · Answer

@yosad930 wrote:

k continue going with my gut feelings lol - "checked their schedule for Saturday and they had no plans" sounds a bit weird " - "Her friends were overall chill other than Lily.." sounds even more.. unique? and the last sentence is so outta context. why is it in "I" pov? i thought the story was in 3rd person, not first person

Some stories switch back and forth, that was kinda just like a context

Yosad930 · Answer

it'd be nice to have it another "paragraph" (yk how books when dialogue by different characeters, they do another paragraph thingy?) oh wait no its not called new paragraph. new line..

sobitter · Answer

@yosad930 wrote:

it'd be nice to have it another "paragraph" (yk how books when dialogue by different characeters, they do another paragraph thingy?) oh wait no its not called new paragraph. new line..

Yeah... I'm also still working on it, I have 10 paragraphs written on paper just not typed up lol

Yosad930 · Answer

@sobitter wrote:

@yosad930 wrote:

it'd be nice to have it another "paragraph" (yk how books when dialogue by different characeters, they do another paragraph thingy?) oh wait no its not called new paragraph. new line..

Yeah... I'm also still working on it, I have 10 paragraphs written on paper just not typed up lol

ooof gudluck typing all that (least its not the opposite way around, cuz in this scenario, the worst part is over)

sobitter · Answer

@yosad930 wrote:

@sobitter wrote:

@yosad930 wrote:

it'd be nice to have it another "paragraph" (yk how books when dialogue by different characeters, they do another paragraph thingy?) oh wait no its not called new paragraph. new line..

Yeah... I'm also still working on it, I have 10 paragraphs written on paper just not typed up lol

ooof gudluck typing all that (least its not the opposite way around, cuz in this scenario, the worst part is over)

Yeah ty, for helping!! ^^

Yosad930 · Answer

np (: it was quite fun

77 · Answer

Sentence framework is mildly choppy, try editing the first paragraph to say something like "She was a small-town girl with big dreams of becoming a famous horse rider, along with her trusty steed Alibi."