Question

Dear life, why are you this way?

I’m tired of hurting people. I’m tired of hurting myself. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, pain follows me. Ever since I was little, I was the one who hurt others. I didn’t even realize I was doing it back then, so I didn’t feel bad when I should have. I didn’t understand my actions or where they came from. But now I do, and that realization hurts more than I expected.

I didn’t grow up the way I wished I did. When I was 12, my older brother hurt me. He did something that changed me in ways I still don’t know how to explain. Only a couple of people know about it. I’m scared to tell others because every time I try to speak up, I get called a liar. But why would someone lie about something like that? Why would I make up pain that still lives inside me?

Another truth about my life is that I’ve been yelled at for as long as I can remember. Yelling became normal to me, like it was just part of living. I spent a couple of years in foster care until my dad got better and got out of jail. My stepmom helped me get out of foster care and helped my dad too. For a while, things felt safe. For a while, I thought maybe life was finally changing.

But it didn’t last. My dad started doing drugs again, and the yelling came back louder, angrier, and more constant. He yelled at me for everything, even things I couldn’t control. He told me I wasn’t good enough over and over again, until those words stopped sounding like insults and started sounding like facts. I carried them with me everywhere, even when he wasn’t around.

Now that I’m older and more aware, I see how my pain has spilled onto other people. I see how I’ve hurt others without meaning to, and sometimes I feel like I’m the problem. I try not to let that thought take over my mind, but it’s hard when it’s been planted there for so long.

Still, I’m trying. I’m trying to grow, to heal, and to unlearn the things that were taught to me through pain. I don’t want to be the person who keeps hurting others. I want to be better than what I came from. Even on the days I feel broken, I’m still here and maybe that means something.

Answer 1

Habits are extremely hard to break especially since those things you listed were coming from someone you cared about. But you just have to keep your head high and above water so you can keep on trying to be successful in life

Answer 2

@unknownnnnnn hoped this helped you a lil

Answer 3

I hope your okay be safe Hun and know you can seek god. He can help you the most

Answer 4

trust me I was in your place but I seeked God and he has helped alot it takes time but trust he is there for everyone for you and me for everyone

Answer 5

#GodDid ur 100% right