A song I am having published currently (:

Question

anonymous · Answer

(Chorus)
Just floating
Through this life of mine.
Is it night or day?
I cant tell the time.
Like a flower in the air
Floating through life
No goal, no care.
No real reason to be here
So watch me
As I disappear.

So what do I do today?
Do I continue..
To pretend I'm okay?
Do I continue floating through space?
And plaster
This fake smile on my face?
I used to have so much fight.
Now my world
Is black as night.
Watch, as I pass by.
Floating in depression
My black sky.

(Chorus)
Just floating
Through this life of mine.
Is it night or day?
I cant tell the time.
Like a flower in the air
Floating through life
No goal, no care.
No real reason to be here
So watch me
As I disappear.

I move with the tide
Not really
Any feelings inside.
I rise and fall, with the waves
No real hope
Or care to be saved.
For me
Don't feel bad.
Don't let this song
Make you sad.
It's better like this
Now they cant hurt me.
Now
From the pain I am free.
From the pain
Of giving heart and soul.
Then they leave
And now there's a hole
In my heart.
So no. I like
Being empty
Like this
I'm free.

(Chorus)
Just floating
Through this life of mine.
Is it night or day?
I cant tell the time.
Like a flower in the air
Floating through life
No goal, no care.
No real reason to be here
So watch me
As I disappear.

This heart still beats
Still feels things.
But now
I have wings.
Now what I feel
Wont bring me down.
Wont throw me
Till I hit the ground.
Now I can fly.
If I get hurt
I wont cry.
I'll just float through depression.
My black sky.

osanseviero · Answer

You just need some work on the flowing.
Do someghint about the "No real reason to be here" inside the chorus, i dont think it really fixes.

Otherwise, line breaks, narrator, diction are ok.
The musicality and lyrics are really good :)

anonymous · Answer

Great!! Here i will give you a POEM ^.^

anonymous · Answer

Problem Child

You wonder why, I don't care

You wonder why, I don't try

You wonder why, I don't like you

 

With some thought, you will see

All that you, never gave to me

 

YOU never cared

YOU never tried

YOU never once liked me.

 

Problem child...always accused

Problem child, her heart abused

 

The problem child, was all I was

Problem child, bad things she does.

 

My sister. Gave all you could

Gave to her, what to me you should

I couldn't help it if I was wild

I was deprived, needed love

But you wouldn't love, the problem child.

 

The only way, to catch your eye

Was to do something bad

I didn't like it when you yelled

But it was all I had.

 

You snapped at me

At everything I did

I didn't know what to do

So a lot from you, I hid.

 

I hid the pain you caused me

I hid it deep inside

And all these years you couldn't see

All I had to hide.

 

You couldn't see what was beneath

The label I'd been filed

Couldn't see past the trouble

Past the problem child

 

If you had, you would've seen

You would've seen, what I mean.

 

A girl deprived of love and care

Needing mom, to always be there

A girl needing, just a little more

A little more love, to help her soar

 

But none of this would you give

So I'm not ready, to forgive.

anonymous · Answer

Daddy

In the beginning, of it all

You always remembered, to give a call

Mommy and daddy together no more

Somehow I thought, you'd walk through the door

 

And now we hardly ever speak

And a daddy now, do I seek.

 

I don't know why you cease to care

I don't know why you weren't ever there

You left me wondering what I did

You left me there, just a kid.

 

Daddy I hurt, because of you

Daddy please, what did I do?

Did I deserve what I went through?

 

Why are you an mommy apart?

I thought you loved her, with all your heart.

 

Today mommy told me why you weren't there

Today I learned, why you didn't care.

 

Daddy you are stuck, in the past

Because of you, I grew up fast

You never became an adult

Never mastered, that occult.

 

But somehow I still love you

No matter what you put me through.

osanseviero · Answer

i will check this later

anonymous · Answer

ivy please help me write a song

anonymous · Answer

for the daddy poem i'm a bit confused as to wether the persona is the child or the grown up child, would a grown up use daddy? it's really innocent and childlike but 'occult' feels weird but i guess it's hard to rhyme

anonymous · Answer

Yea :P
Lol
And sure I can try xokatexo.

anonymous · Answer

AWESOME