i have to write an essay describing a party so i chose to write about a Halloween party(which i have never been to..lol), i just want you to you take a look about what i wrote and tell me if there is anything wrong and what to add and stuff, pleasee!!
thank you :)

Question

i have to write an essay describing a party so i chose to write about a Halloween party(which i have never been to..lol), i just want you to you  take a look about what i wrote and tell me if there is anything wrong and what to add and stuff, pleasee!!
thank you :)

aroub · Answer

Halloween Party 
    There are some occasions that happen once a year.It is when kids strt to frighten people, and "Trick or treat smell my feet give me something good to eat" is what some of them say on such occasions.These occasions are called Halloween parties. 

     Decoration is an important feature of Halloween parties. The lights are blazing all over the place.Huge, small,and scary pumpkins with candles inside of them ornated the party.Fake ghosts are hanged from the ceiling; every ghost has its unique and horrifying look. 

       Halloween costumes are what the whole party is about.Every person in the party is wearing a special costume, terrifying scream masks and outfits,adoring princesses,red and green mermaid costumes,and yellow squeezy  sponges (sponge bob square pants).

        Who forgets to get food to a party like this? A huge,orange,delicious pumpkin cake centered the dining room.On the right is the soft drinks and other tasty refreshments.On the left lay the desserts dishes.

         All the three essential features make up a marvelous,gorgeous,and awesome Halloween party.People have a wonderful time in such parties, especially the ones made in the middle east (because they don't usually celebrate such a party) and some people have trouble sleeping afterwards. ( because they get scared in the party). 

okay i know the conclusion is not that good.. so does anyone have a better one? 

please!! thanks in advance! :D :D

trancenova · Answer

Heyo, do you want advice on grammar? (it's a bit hard to talk about content because I don't know what your teachers want).

anonymous · Answer

Be sure you keep your tense the same throughout the essay, so change "ornated" (which you can't even say) to "ornate", and "hanged" (which in proper past tense is "hung") to "hang". 

Your final sentence is a little weak. In the conclusion, talk about why it's such a big deal, why people have fun, how memorable it is; you know, leave the reader with an impression, or rather knowing exactly how you feel.

aroub · Answer

oh! thanks alot! mnad :)

anonymous · Answer

I have re-written it for you.  I hope you can take a few of my ideas, and improve your own writing.  Here it is.  Good luck.

October is a time for scaring and being scared.  It is a time for Halloween parties.  A great Halloween party needs great decorations, great costumes, and great food.  

Decorations are an important feature of a scary party.  Orange and purple lights cast eerie shadows.  Jack O’ Lanterns, glowing from within, top every table.  Ghosts, with different horrifying faces, hang from the ceiling.  Skeletons standing in doorways, and black cats in your path, help to set the mood.

Another important aspect of a great Halloween party is the costumes.  Terrifying witches and vampires, pretty princesses and fairies, silly clowns, and T.V. characters like Sponge Bob Squarepants are just some of what you will see at a Halloween party.  Everyone wants to win “best costume.”

The last important aspect of a great Halloween party is the food.  Soft drinks and other refreshments, like “blood” punch adorn the table.  Things like “eyeball” soup, and “finger” sandwiches are also featured.  Desert is a huge, orange pumpkin cake, or a Jello “brain.”

In conclusion, Decorations, costumes, and food are the key components to throwing a spooktacular Halloween party.  People of all ages will have a wonderful time at your party, if you put some effort into making it a spooky event.

anonymous · Answer

Good re-write, peeps. However, I think it was necessary to leave the part about the significance of a Halloween party in the middle east. I suggest you mention it in your final piece, aroub ;]

anonymous · Answer

I disagree about the significance of a Halloween party in the middle east.  It was not mentioned elsewhere in the paper, and I think it will confuse the reader to just throw it in, at the end.  It definitely confused me.  If you think you want to discuss Halloween in the middle east, I suggest adding it to your introduction, so the readers know you are going to be talking about it.

anonymous · Answer

That's a structure problem then, not a content one. In terms of the latter, I think it bears substantial significance.

anonymous · Answer

I still don't see how it is relevent, unless the writer is from there, or if the assignment is to write about other cultures.  She said she had to write a story about a Halloween party.  Nothing was said about comparing cultures.

aroub · Answer

that's awesome peeps!!! thank yoouuu!!! =)  

but mnad i guess peeps is right about  the middle east part is not important we actually don't celebrate it (or me..lol) i add it because we don't have many parties... so if we do celebrate the Halloween party it will be fun and we will enjoy it i hope you understand what i mean.. :)   

thankss!! /^_^\

anonymous · Answer

I figured it adds to the hype of the party.

aroub · Answer

you know what, you are right i'll add it. Thank you :)

anonymous · Answer

thank you alot it help on the exam and i got the best mark