Question

Could you help me find a better last sentence?

Answer 1

People cry,
Children die,
sorrow everywhere.

Without a choice,
without a voice,
with no one do they share.

A cruel world,
breaks them down,
tears them to the bone.

Taking them forever
from a peaceful quiet home.

Blood, betrayal, murder,
much outstrips their years.

The poor sweet young children,
forced to face their fears.

All alone, forsaken,
no one hears them cry.

And at the each other’s hands,
They are meant to die.

And for the winner,
who out survives them all.

There is only sorrow,
a pit in which to fall.

For they have taken lives,
of people that they know.

Forced into adulthood,
before they're meant to go.

And with a parting phrase,
the trumpets start to blow.

The bloodbath begins,
each soul on their own.

"May the odds ever be in your favor."
is the last remark.

Ever heard for some of them,
and they know it in their heart.

The hunger,
the hunger,
The crying and fear.

All begins now,
because the Hunger Games are here.

Answer 2

This isn't great but so many people are happy about the Hunger Games and love the book so I just wanted to show the dark side of it. The last line of the last stanza is too upbeat, any suggestions?

Answer 3

That last sentence packs a wallop, just as it stands. It does everything you'd want an ending to do, in my book.

Nice poem too.

Answer 4

Thanks

Answer 5

This poem is very well written :) I can tell you've placed a lot of thought in the interlocking rhyme scheme. I can see your point that the last line seems to have a bit of an optimistic connotation. However, Redwood_Girl is correct as well. When read as text, the reader is free to put the voice into the word. When read aloud, the reader can add their own inflection, emphasis and such. Thus the last sentence could actually be very ominous if read in a certain way.

But if you want, this might be an alternative for the last stanza:

The hunger
the hunger
the crying and fear;
the nature of man
to hunt themselves as deer.

However, I'm also guessing that you'd like to include "Hunger Games" somewhere in there. The way you have written the 2nd to the last stanza dictates the shortness of the last stanza. Perhaps you may want to alter the last two stanzas to get what you are looking for.

Answer 6

I just read the book (didn't want to see the movie first), and this is a very good portrayal of the story. I like it as it is.

Answer 7

Very, very well written :-) Though I have never read the books (or seen the movie), I can still picture the world in my head from your poem alone. But, I understand why you need a slightly different ending... This ending doesn't quite have the impact that is equal to the rest, and can't quite reach the climax you are going for.
My suggestion:
An end to Innocence
For The Hunger Games begin here.

Answer 8

That. Was. Absolutely. Amazing. I can't exactly provide helpful advice. I just wanted to say how awesome that poem was.

Answer 9

OH! Also, it's "May the odds be ever in your favor" :P "ever" is after "be"

Answer 10

Austin_Rain is correct on the wording. Good catch! :)

Answer 11

Thanks. :)

Answer 12

keep the last sentence its really good!