Question

how's this ,
I hear the sound of gunshots, people screaming and children crying. Flashing lights are all around me, and I’m standing smack dead in the middle of the street. The smell of blood, gunpowder and the musk of dirty city streets take over my sense of smell as I become face to face with beaming headlights. Then, I wake up.

Answer 1

it's a dream i had ,

Answer 2

Talk more about what brought you there, and how many headlights/cops were there and so on.

Answer 3

COOL!!!!!!!! that was so AWESOME I loved it!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Thank you :) @Loveless13 and @Hasan-Koush elaborate more ? where should i add it

Answer 5

You need to add it before you say "smack dead in the middle of the street"

Answer 6

Like after you say how you got there, say "and now I'm smack dead in the middle of the road"

Answer 7

Well you should add more descriptions like you want your reader to be able to see what you saw in your minds eye. Like I could almost see it just a little more descriptions and I would have gotten it there 'kay? But it was really good.

Answer 8

Ok thank you ! and i should say something like , ' i hear the crys of what sounds like a 2 year old , i follow the sound and ......

Answer 9

and you see what?!

Answer 10

Sure thing :) It's all your experience and opinion so you could make unrealistic if needed XD

Answer 11

i see a baby crawling to try and get to the other side of the street and stops in the middle of the road because she's fascinated by a marblle like rock

Answer 12

na little more what do you do about it?

Answer 13

i run in the street to retreive the child when i look up im face to face with death (symbolized by the beaming headlights of a car)

Answer 14

awesome!!!

Answer 15

Nicely written, Deivyneee!

Answer 16

Thankyou so much ! i wish i could give all of you medals LOL

Answer 17

Use Imagery to make the scene more vivid in your readers mind and use vivid descriptive language to describe the scene. Otherwise i thought it was great. Great Job :)

Answer 18

Any specific suggestions?

Answer 19

Wow this is awesome!

Answer 20

Thank you :)

Answer 21

No specific ones just a generals uggestion

Answer 22

I hear the sound of gunshots, people screaming and children crying. Flashing lights are all around me, I hear the crys of struggle come from what sounds like a 2 year old. I followed the sound until I spotted a little girl, black curly kinky hair, blood stained onezy and a untied ribbon on her uncombed ponytail. The little girl seems to be crawling, trying to get to the other side of the street when she Is sidetracked by a shiny object. I rush in attempt to remove the infant from harm and I end up smack dead in the middle of the street. No little girl? Where’d she go? As I stand in the street puzzled and confused, the smell of blood, gunpowder and the musk of dirty city streets take over my sense of smell. as I close my eyes for what I felt was a quick second I opened them and was blinded by beaming headlights on a 18-wheeled truck. Then, I wake up.