Could I get some feedback on my essay?
Essay is attach in the comments.

Question

Could I get some feedback on my essay?
Essay is attach in the comments.

anonymous · Answer

attachment

anonymous · Answer

i like it so far what was the writing prompt?

usukidoll · Answer

a lot of revision needs to be done....

usukidoll · Answer

oh man there's a lot...a lot that needs to be done...this is only part of the battle

anonymous · Answer

Um, you might want to check to see how many sentences are in a paragraph. i do believe that the minimum is 5 but even then the paragraph is to long.

usukidoll · Answer

you mean maximum is 5. Yes and then these sentences need to separated to form new paragraphs. Also, there's a lot of repetitiveness going on. Sorry I have to finish my Math, but all I'm saying is that a lot of revision is necessary.

anonymous · Answer

I know what I said i asked my teacher too I asked a few of them after I read this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081008203204AAfYXSZ

anonymous · Answer

This was umm, helpful? lol. @IDAREYOU I was taught the bare minimum of a paragraph is 3 sentence, the average paragraph consist 5 sentences. But a paragraph doesn't really necessarily have a limit. I agree what your teacher said because that's what I was thought.

anonymous · Answer

so now you just have to do the corrections that @UsukiDoll listed or highlighted :)

usukidoll · Answer

Well I don't like criticism either, but I have to suck it up anyway in my English 400 level classes.

anonymous · Answer

You was the first I was just sharing information, every teacher is different. I agreed with your response on the paragraph being to long, but you said maximum was 5 and i know that's not completely correct...

anonymous · Answer

and  if i'm right i would be definition 2 or 3.:
Crit´i`cise    (kr?t´?-s?z)
v. t.	1.	To examine and judge as a critic; to pass literary or artistic judgment upon; as, to criticise an author; to criticise a picture.

2.	To express one's views as to the merit or demerit of; esp., to animadvert upon; to find fault with; as, to criticise conduct.
v. i.	1.	To act as a critic; to pass literary or artistic judgment; to play the critic; - formerly used with on or upon.
Several of these ladies, indeed, criticised upon the form of the association.
- Addison.
3.	To discuss the merits or demerits of a thing or person; esp., to find fault.
Cavil you may, but never criticise.
- Pope.