Question

My name is Dr. Josh Coyle and I am currently a Astrophysicist Specialist at NASA. A troubling event occurred at 6:30 A.M this morning near SGR A* (8.0 ± 0.6 × 103 pc) which unfortunately confirmed the site as a supermassive black hole. This morning, our feed picked up our current positioning around SRG A* as we approach periapsis at 56789.23 MJD. We have found that due to our eccentricity... our solar system's transition into periapsis will land us in the event horizon, thus ending life as we know it. I am posting this on a child's homework help site because we are desperate in finding

Answer 1

a way to raise our semi-major axis to avoid intersection with the event horizon. Is there anyone out there that can help us?

Answer 2

O.O this is seriously for real?

Answer 3

take the sterring wheel, and turn it slightly to the left ....

Answer 4

Yes, unfortunately.

Answer 5

Jesus...!!! Is there anyone that can provide a solution? If we can't, we're about to contact the U.N. to broadcast the truth...

Answer 6

OMG it's true!!! I read an article that the Sun is going to be in the lowest point of orbit around the center of the galaxy!

Answer 7

why would an astrophysicist specialist at NASA have an openstudy account ?

Answer 8

We miscalculated... we missed our proposed intersection date at 56589.23 MJD... Our Epoch was way off...

Answer 9

Obviously the MIT brains are stumped... Our brightest children here on earth are our only hope!

Answer 10

Jesus Christ... can anyone out there come up with a solution? If the government didn't kill Tesla along with his Teleforce plans...

Answer 11

We've already contacted the Russians and the British about the situation... they don't have the technology to influence enough \[\Delta V\]

Answer 12

your not Stephen Hawking this time...lol

Answer 13

Of course not! The government had him quarantined last Friday for provoking the Plutonian government...

Answer 14

really....sure..
http://prntscr.com/34r6hx

Answer 15

there is but one solution
release oxygen chambers

Answer 16

We've considered launching all of our nuclear weapons on the Sun to soften eccentricity, but the Sunotioans would have to suffer... That's genocide!

Answer 17

try rajni
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imoj9dC3D_c

Answer 18

And there isn't enough time for our orbit to re-align before we reach periapsis... We need some serious pro grade velocity at this point!

Answer 19

Only a genius could save us now... someone call James Woods...

Answer 20

I'm calling James now, can you contact Nicolas Cage?

Answer 21

I'm on it... I found his number in a free agent catalog along with Ben Stiller's.

Answer 22

James thinks you should take this information global,he says people NEED to know.

Answer 23

Jesus Christ, the Martian's aren't going to be pleased... Everyone scream and run... the world is coming to an end... we'll be contacting the U.N shortly...

Answer 24

Wait, is what if we used...you know...it?

Answer 25

What if* I'm so stressed I'm making grammatical errors

Answer 26

We've already tried contacting Tommy Lee. He said his **** isn't long enough...

Answer 27

Good god....May the lord help us all.

Answer 28

We're out of options. I'm going home to my kids now...

Answer 29

*facepalm u r officialy dumb. Want to contact the UN call 911 this explain this situation then they'll put u in a mental institution u keep going on how real this is then then the UN will contact u

Answer 30

No for gods sake man! WE have to try!

Answer 31

God... you're right... What if we used the LHC to create a stable transversable wormhole. I could go back in time and prevent the miscalculation!

Answer 32

We don't have much time. We'll be building a pod suitable for relativistic travel...

Answer 33

My god.. You're crazy, but maybe what we need now, is a little bit of crazy.

Answer 34

NO there r too many crazy people *slaps happytales get an damn degree and further ur research

Answer 35

lol

Answer 36

Oh my god... You're right... I should have taken my pills this morning... I was just hallucinating this whole time...

Answer 37

WE'RE NOT GOING TO DIE!

Answer 38

*facepalm this should have been an april fools joke LOL

Answer 39

We're not going to die ??? Wow - glad you told me that. Guess I'll finally pay my electric bill.
So this was going to happen 56789.23 modified Julian Date? That's Monday May 12, 2014 at about 6:00 am? (5:00 a.m. Central?)

Answer 40

Wow - happytales isn't here anymore? Maybe the end of the world happened sooner for him?

Answer 41

yup ^_^ that totally happened

Answer 42

wow - and we were all here to witness it.

Answer 43

haha, yeah XD

Answer 44

happytales: really? "child's homework site" ? well then ..... I don't really believe i am a child...... -_-

Answer 45

I didn't think this was a child's homework site. Unless children like to use the quadratic formula or calculate problems in exponential growth.

Answer 46

ikr?

Answer 47

that is child's math, @wolf1728

Answer 48

what about calculus?

Answer 49

wow - things sure have changed since I went to school.

Answer 50

When did I go to school? About 8:30 in the morning. :-)

Answer 51

wow happytales is back ? he is "a astrophysicist"

Answer 52

needs to attend english class :P

Answer 53

yes "a English class"

Answer 54

haha, XD

Answer 55

Haha. It is true though, OS is primarily targeted to HS students who still struggle to understand the basics of linear algebra. In order to troll as an "Astrophysicist Specialist", I assumed that someone that was able to obtain such a position had already mastered advanced calc (differential, vector, lambda, integral, etc). Including that phrase would allude to the difficulty of the task at hand. Trolling is an art <3.

Answer 56

LOL LAMBDA CALCULUS

Answer 57

that's programming you nub

Answer 58

XDDDDDD

Answer 59

Yup. Computer science.

Answer 60

lol

Answer 61

what happened to Stephen Hawking?

Answer 62

OS seriously needs a trolling team heheheh. What do you think @thomaster ? <3

Answer 63

heheh @MelissaHolmes

Answer 64

Melissa - that was yesterday when he was Stephen Hawking. I think he'll be Isaac Newton tomorrow.

Answer 65

awww man, I missed it! O.O

Answer 66

ooh, maybe he should be Albert Einstein XD

Answer 67

I was thinking about Neil deGrasse Tyson xD

Answer 68

LOL TALES
http://openstudy.com/study#/updates/53323dcce4b0db8a3225b952
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS

Answer 69

LOLOLOL Yeah xDDD

Answer 70

lolol the wormhole one though xD

Answer 71

"First, you'll probably need to verify that the integral is defined over the real plane. Then, let f(x,y) be a real-valued continuous function on the rectangle R = {(x,y); |x-x0| <= a; |y-y0| <= b}. Now, can you assume f has a partial derivative with respect to x?"
LOL

Answer 72

urb0b - good link you found there - what physicist was he being then ?? LOL

Answer 73

LOL this one xD http://openstudy.com/users/happytales#/updates/53324305e4b0db8a3225bb5e

Answer 74

You need help with quantum states? Utah? Alaska? North Dakota?

Answer 75

omg that was amazing

Answer 76

Yeah xD

Answer 77

LOL "Have you tried pouring semen into the wormhole to verify its durability for barely living organisms?" xDDD

Answer 78

beautiful

Answer 79

Everyone already knows we troll too much to be real xD. Gotta make alts lol

Answer 80

Well think I'll go to the Grand Unified Theory chat room - see ya

Answer 81

kk XD

Answer 82

I'm going to Justin Beiber's chat room. Sweg.

Answer 83

of course :P

Answer 84

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9w5Eln28zM

Answer 85

I love the part when he says, "Swag".

Answer 86

lol

Answer 87

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuX-pXXzz-E Well that escalated quickly...