Question

can someone advise me on my poem?

Answer 1

The Rain
By: Ellijah .S. De'Shazer
2/26/15

It seems to comes from an unknown world
washing the earth with its tears
is this meeting a temporary necessity?
is it a coincidence?
or is it an addiction?
rain is just like a girl
sometimes kind
some times fickle
poring down heavenly
or not falling at all
poring down hot
or freezing halfway to the ground
even though it is unstable
and sometimes frail
it still makes a rainbow in it's womb
caressing a child in it's bosom
it is the source of all life
so do not mock it
do not wast it
do not defile it
cherish it
or it will leave you
never to return ...

Answer 2

don't use it (its copyrighted)

Answer 3

I like the poem, great job

I suggest making it shorter or keep it as it is and maybe try using dialog or an way to capture the reader with an hook more.

so far you are doing good

Answer 4

thanxzzzz you so much

Answer 5

Creativity 100%

Answer 6

iz dat laying it lightly

Answer 7

I would add in at the part:
rain is just like a girl
sometimes kind
some times fickle
poring down heavenly
or not falling at all, stuck in the sky
poring down hot and sizzling with anger
or freezing halfway to the ground before it shatters against the floor
even though it is unstable
and sometimes frail

Answer 8

@deadpoolroxz nope i honestly think its creative how you related rain to a girl

Answer 9

I would add in at the part:
rain is just like a girl
sometimes kind, and gentle
some times fickle and fitful
splashing down heavenly
or not falling at all, stuck in the sky
pou*ring down hot and sizzling with anger
or freezing halfway to the ground before it shatters against the floor
even though it is unstable
and sometimes frail

Answer 10

sorry i dont mean to be rude or anything but i just thought it would make it more amazing with more vivids! :)

Answer 11

thanxz but 1 think:it cant rhyme so ill use what u gave me and RUN wit it (i gonna go to a poetry contest)

Answer 12

But all together here's your poem with just spelling check

It seems to come*[delete the s] from an unknown world
washing the earth with its tears
is this meeting a temporary necessity?
is it a coincidence?
or is it an addiction?
rain is just like a girl
sometimes kind
some times fickle
pou*ring down heavenly
or not falling at all
pou*ring down hot
or freezing halfway to the ground
even though it is unstable
and sometimes frail
it still makes a rainbow in it's womb
caressing a child in it's bosom
it is the source of all life
so do not mock it
do not waste* it
do not defile it
cherish it
or it will leave you
never to return ...

Answer 13

*thing

Answer 14

thanxz bye

Answer 15

kk! yw :)