Question

I wrote a comparison and contrast essay, rough draft....

Answer 1

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“Where to live; Moscow versus Atlanta”

Moscow is known for it's Kremlin, Red Square, Art Galleries, and many other aesthetically beautiful sights; however what occurs to people who permanently live in Moscow – an exceedingly densely populated city – has shown that while Moscow is a wonderful place to visit, it is not a really good place to live in permanently. This statement becomes even stronger when a boiling pot like Moscow is compared to a calm place like Atlanta. When it comes to a long-term residence Atlanta outmatches Moscow, because Atlanta has an excellent environment, very good road-traffic and most importantly, a very low level of crime.

Ivan lives in an apartment in Moscow. Every time he leaves the apartment he sees smoked cigarettes, glass shards, and breathes gassed air on his way to the car. Seeing trash all around creates a dark mood, and breathing gassed air impairs his health taking away from his work-ability, lifetime, and other aspects of his life which are all directly health-related. If Ivan were to live in an apartment in Atlanta he would enjoy a pure environment around himself and breathe a good air. In Atlanta, he would be much healthier and therefore much more efficient in any part of his life. In fact, the average life expectancy in Atlanta constitutes 79 years, whereas in Moscow the average life expectancy makes up only 71 years.

Another essential factor in which Atlanta outranks Moscow is road-traffic. Moscow has a turtle-pace traffic caused by a huge lack of U-turns and left turns, and a very quick to break, poor-quality asphalt. As a consequence of a poor-quality asphalt, Moscow has countless road works which directly lead to really slow traffics on the remaining roads. The absence of U-turns and left turns results in all roads piled up with cars that would be at their destination already has Moscow had more options for turning – this is another reason why road-traffics in Moscow are so slow. And indeed, "On average, journey times in Moscow are 66 percent longer during off-peak periods, 106 percent longer during morning rush hours, and 138 percent longer during the evening peak period" (Tom-Tom North-American Congestion Index, April 2013). However, in Atlanta everything is absolutely the opposite. Due to Atlanta's excellent-quality long-existing asphalt road works are very infrequent.

Also, because of the multiplicity of left and U-turns and an ultraprecise road-system in Atlanta, one can drive anywhere quickly enough without having to waste a great deal of time and gas. And surely, Tom-Tom Congestion Index reports a 21 percent average congestion on roads in Atlanta – which is especially amazing when compared to Moscow's horrible road traffic. At third, Moscow has a frighteningly high level of crime. Moscow has a large business center that attracts criminals of various specializations and areas, including everything from small theft and fraud to identity theft and murder. ”Gradoteka” – a unique collection of statistics about Russian cities, has reported 180,240 crimes in Moscow in 2013, based on single statistical-information inter-agency system and Russian Prosecutor General's Office. As opposed to Moscow, Atlanta – a quiet restful city – has a very scattered population, and due to it's not-densely inhabited space criminals know that it would be extremely difficult for them to escape. This is why, in contrast to Moscow, Marcus K. Garner – a reporter for “The Atlanta Journal-Constitution”, reported only 34,976 crimes in 2013, in Atlanta.

When life in Moscow and life in Atlanta are compared, we see that as a person lives in Moscow he lives in a contaminated unhealthy environment, wastes a tremendous amount of time and money for gasoline in traffic, and exists at a constant risk of violence. In Atlanta however, a person lives in a healthy environment, with an advantageous road-traffic, and in a safe location. Therefore, Atlanta is beyond any doubt a much more preferable place for a durable residence.

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Answer 2

if anyone has time, then can you read, and message or reply if the purpose is clear or not ?

Answer 3

I read it. I'm not really good in English,so tell me if my understanding of the purpose your text is right. If it is, then you have successfully justified its purpose, but if not, maybe you'll get an idea on which part to adjust :)

Based on what I understand, you're trying to tell the readers that Atlanta is better than Moscow when settling down because of the following reasons:
1. "Polluted" area in Moscow, which is the major caused of increasing death rate in the area. And from here, you assume that it is better to live in Atlanta because a person can live in "a pure environment and breathe a good air." [just my suggestion, I think it is better if you add more info about the environment in Atlanta.. because the part where you describe Atlanta is pretty weak]

2. Slow traffic in Moscow due to the poor road structures. From here, you stated why Atlanta is the opposite in just one sentence. [suggestion like before :) add more facts about Atlanta's roads ]

3. Crime rates in Moscow vs. Atlanta... I think this one is pretty strong argument.

Then conclusion :D is my comprehensiono right?? This is really neat for a rough draft! I mean, this is a very organized draft I have ever seen in my entire life, believe it or not :P hope this helps!

Answer 4

my teacher is grading the rough draft

Answer 5

.. tnx for the feedback.