Question

What do you guys think? Please be honest.

Possible lyrics:

And my heart is screaming;
Wait come back 'cause I need you here tonight
And my heart is screaming;
Wait turn around 'cause I need you near to me
I don't know how we got to where we are but I need to go back
For the sake of you and I
(wait come back)

Answer 1

What's the song title? Typically a lot of songs usually use the song title as apart of the chorus of their song, but overall it helps just to know. ;)
I have to say it is interesting, but honestly there are a handful of things I caught:
"Wait, turn around because I need you *close* to me" - Having 'near to me' doesn't sound right, in addition I think 'because' will work than just 'cause', but that's my opinion. I also feel that, "My heart is screaming" just kind of cuts out when it heads over into the other part, perhaps: (Is this the chorus or not? Usually the chorus has a repeat on words, but really I'm just wondering.)
"And my heart is screaming, it's beating real fast, I can't seem to catch my breath,
Wait come back, because I need you here tonight,
Please don't go, for I fear that the night has just begun,
And my heart is screaming, it's beating real fast, I can't seem to catch my breath,
Wait come back, because I need you here tonight,
Please don't go, for I fear that the night has just begun,
I feel as if I'm losing you, please come back,
I don't know how we got to where we are, but I need to go back,
My heart is screaming, it's beating real fast, I can't seem to catch my breath,
For the sake of you and I, I need to go back (Please wait, wait come back)"

For those as lyrics to review, help, or use, because I don't really care honestly, I hope this helps you in someway! ;) - Have a great day!
{---Ghostgate---}

Answer 2

@Ghostgate thank you so much for your feedback and your help. I haven't really decided what to title it but I was thinking "wait come back". :)

Answer 3

@kimbllse777 Yeah, I thought so, you used 'wait come back' in your lyrics quite a bit. Like I said earlier, the title of the song is usually what is seen or used frequently in the song, I would know because I've written song lyrics. ;) - Anyhow, I'm glad I helped! Have a great day! {---Ghostgate---}

Answer 4

I might drop Wait and to, but it was still good.

Answer 5

@DeAnnaLEIGH Wait... for which parts exactly?

Answer 6

Actually keep wait." Wait turn around 'cause I need you near to me"

Answer 7

That would work, but I think, "I need you close to me" is better, I don't know, that's just a matter of preference.

Answer 8

Missing rhyme scheme...

Answer 9

@kimbllse777 why not give a emotional touch ? try to sing this with themes.

\(\huge\mathcal{Whispers~in ~my~heart~ !}\)

Ohh, My he-a-art, whispers to me ,
why i need you, only you to be beside me
plz, turn around, coz i ne-ee-ed you
I don't know how we me-ee-et long ago
hey, Come back for me, o precious soul..
Heyyy, plz be back, Come back for me..


Music theme : Romantic SauerKraut (
Instrument: Acoustic Guitar
Modification: @kimbllse777 lyrics

Answer 10

@ChantySquirrel1129** Wait, are you saying that she needs more rhyming or we both need more rhyming? Lol - Yeah, she had a great start, great potential honestly. Anyhow, I'm not sure if 'thanks' is really the suitable response when someone agrees with you, but... thanks anyway? Lol - Also, the name is 'Ghostgate' added together rather than apart, but I don't really mind. ;)
{---Ghostgate---}