Question

can someone critic my thesis statement on humans rights around the french revolution-scramble of africa?

thesis:


As Europe advanced through the 1780s to 19th century, rights for people of colour essentially remained stagnant even after slavery had been abolished. The influences of the Enlightenment and the Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen had a profound effect on many abolitionists, leading many to write about the inconsistencies of equality between man and slave. A society was formed to agitate against the slave trade and slavery, but Europe was still heavily reliant on slaves, so had to advance their ideas in the most tentative terms. Others even argued for gradual emancipation. However, when Haiti gained its independence and abolished slavery, it would become the outlier and exception to abolition until later in the 19th century. A majority of Europeans still viewed themselves as superior and held ethnocentric worldviews. Even early on, many white Europeans resisted alliances with free blacks. Many saw Africa and its inhabitants as commodities, and didn’t want to give up this valuable commodity. The people were viewed as a labour force, and later on, Africa with its brimming resources, as evidenced by the Scramble for Africa. The Europeans were more concerned with their own economic prosperity, rather than the people of colour’s wellbeing. Consequently, leading to the dehumanization and denial of their rights.

Answer 1

It's overall a good paragraph. I'm just going to go through and point out some minor changes. I put asterisks around the changes, to make them easier to spot. Hope this helps!

As Europe advanced **from the 18th to the** 19th century, rights for people of colour essentially remained stagnant even after slavery had been abolished.

The influences of the Enlightenment and the Declaration of the Rights of Man and **of the** Citizen had a profound effect on many abolitionists, leading many to write **inequality between** man and slave.

**Many Europeans protested** the slave trade and slavery, but Europe was still heavily reliant on slaves, **and thus they** had to advance their ideas in the most tentative terms.

Others even argued for gradual emancipation. However, when Haiti gained its independence and abolished **slavery in the 19th century, it proved that the successful abolition of slavery did not need to be a slow process.**
^This seems random. Not sure how it fits in with the rest of your thesis?

A majority of Europeans still viewed themselves as superior and held ethnocentric worldviews.
^Perfect

Even early on, many white Europeans resisted alliances with free blacks.
^I'd recommend cutting this sentence. It is true, but it's not quite appropriate here.

Many Europeans saw Africa and its inhabitants as commodities, and **they did not** want to give up this valuable commodity.

The people were viewed as a labour force, and later on, Africa with its brimming resources, as evidenced by the Scramble for Africa.
^That doesn't really make sense?

The Europeans were more concerned with their own economic prosperity **than with the Africans' well being.

**As a result, the Europeans dehumanized Africans and denied them rights.**