is this good???

To review, This is why I nominate Coach Harold Jones for being kind, thoughtful, and most of all helpful. Coach Jones is a good person who deserves the award not only did he show these traits, he was always there for Radio when he need him. He shows he is all of these traits by helping and being there for Radio. As a final point this is why I pick Coach Jones to win the Man of the Year award.

Question

is this good???

To review, This is why I nominate Coach Harold Jones for being kind, thoughtful, and most of all helpful. Coach Jones is a good person who deserves the award not only did he show these traits, he was always there for Radio when he need him. He shows he is all of  these traits by helping and being there for Radio. As a final point this is why I pick Coach Jones to win the Man of the Year award.

johan14th · Answer

Try combining the second part "he was always...." in the second sentence with your third. The transition is king of choppy and it stand as a reiteration of the second sentence. You can also try to expand on how he specifically showed these triaits. Hope that helps :)