Question

Tell me what you think about my story below. Please be honest. By the way, I just turned 13 on November 2nd and for school, I'm almost 100% finished with 8th grade. I go to k12. I am completely open to any questions, critiques, or suggestions you might have. One last thing, if you wanted to read this story on Wattpad, here's the link to my user: https://www.wattpad.com/user/MeadowTaylor5 The story is called Phoenix and the Stone of Knowledge. Here's the discription by the way:

A little girl named Phoenix, abandoned by her parents, is raised by dragons. The dragon leader says that when she turned 13 years old, she would have the power to restore peace to all the worlds if she can find an enchanted stone called the Stone of Knowledge. Will she be able to or will she turn her back on the good side and destroy everything?


P.S. I'm a girl, I will always be working on new chapters, and please medal me if you like my story! :D

Answer 1

Chapter 1
Phoenix

Sitting on the dew-covered grass at the bottom of a mountain, there was a neatly woven basket. In it, there was a screaming baby girl, wrapped in a soft, pink blanket. All of a sudden, a huge dragon landed right next to the screaming infant. It was light purple and had soft, sky blue eyes. The baby stopped screaming the instant she saw it. She looked at the dragon with a curious gaze. Suddenly, the dragon shape-shifted into what looked like a human girl, maybe 13 years old. She had wavy chocolate brown hair and glistening blue eyes. She spoke softly.

"Don't be frightened. My name is Katrina," she said calmly to the baby, as if it could understand her.

Katrina whistled and a bald eagle soared down from the foggy sky and perched atop her arm. She then turned her head to the eagle.

"Hyron, thank you for coming so quick. I'll take her to Dragon Forest and I'll meet you on the edge. Go tell Tarin that he has a guest, but don't tell him about me or her," she said, gesturing to the baby.

The eagle nodded and lifted up into the air. Katrina turned into a dragon again, took the basket, and dashed off to the top of the mountain. She soared gracefully through the air until they landed at the top of the mountain.

Where there should have been a point at the summit, there was a large flat area covered in trees and groups of mystical creatures. There were angels, centaurs, fairies, unicorns, lots of dragons, and many more enchanting legendary creatures. Katrina landed on the edge of the mountain top forest. All the creatures stopped and crowded around her and the baby and began murmuring to each other. A huge shadow blocked out the sun and everyone turned around. A huge dragon stood behind the group. It was a dark green color, also with sky blue eyes.

"What's all the commotion about? Who sent Hyron?" It demanded.

"Tarin. I sent Hyron," Katrina said, turning into a human again. "It's been a long time since I've last seen you."

"Katrina?" Tarin said, sounding surprised. "Why have you come?"

The crowd parted as Tarin came closer.

"I heard this poor little baby girl making a racket at the bottom," said Katrina, glancing at the baby. "I have been watching her. Her parents didn't want her, so they simply abandoned her at the base of this mountain, leaving her to die. I was hoping you would take her in. She'd be a lot better off with you. Please..." Katrina's voice trailed off as she put her head down. The baby opened her eyes as Tarin came closer. Katrina lifted her head slightly. She knew she didn't need to go any further, trying to convince him.

Tarin shape-shifted, just as Katrina had done, into a human. He looked ageless. He had golden hair and bright blue eyes.

"We'll keep her," he said. "Hopefully, she turns out better than Cyrona," Tarin trailed off.

"She will," Katrina said assuringly as she sighed with relief. "Well, the first thing we should do is name her" she continued "What do you think would be a suitable name?"

Just at that moment, a Phoenix flew over the baby and shed one of its feathers into the basket. According to legend, you were considered blessed to have a Phoenix gift you a feather.

"Phoenix," Tarin said. "That's her name."

"Perfect," Katrina said. "I really wish I could stay, but I had better get back to Boronia before anyone notices I've been gone."

Tarin nodded as Katrina kissed Phoenix on the forehead.

"Good luck, Phoenix" she said softly. "Someday, you'll change the world. I just know it."


Chapter 2
A New World


12 years later

Phoenix was finally 12 years old. She was a spirited, kind, beautiful young girl. She loved helping everyone out. However, she always dreamed of flying like the dragons and fairies. While the dragons were out on their daily hunting trip, the fairies hung around her and made fun of her because she couldn't fly. She never got offended, for she has been made fun of on numerous occasions. However, there was one fairy named Embera who never made fun of her. Embera always disapproved of the other fairies' harshness, so she quickly became Phoenix's friend.

Phoenix learned just about everything from Embera, including humans. Phoenix was intrigued that she had come from the world of humans and yet she never remembered them. Although, she couldn't believe humans could be so cruel as to just abandon one of their own kind out in the wild, left to die.

After a hard day's work, Phoenix climbed up the biggest tree she could find and rested on a large limb in the tree's canopy, watching the sunset.

"Beautiful night," someone said.

"Yeah," Phoenix replied. "Why didn't they want me? Y'know, my parents....or whatever," She turned her head to see that Tarin was standing on a nearby branch. He looked like he was in human form except he had large wings upon his back.

"I...I don't know..." He replied, lowering his head.

"Well, if THEY didn't want me, why would YOU?" She snapped with a slight tinge of anger surfing her voice.

"You're...." Tarin paused, searching for the right word. "You're special."

"I'm...special??" Phoenix repeated, confused and surprised, the anger rising.

She sat up, glaring deeply at Tarin.

"In a good way, of course!" Tarin replied quickly, seeing her anger. "I'll tell you tomorrow. It's getting late. You had better get to bed."

Tarin jumped off the branch he was on and plummeted toward the ground, opening his wings seconds before he would have crashed into the ground.

Phoenix sighed and furrowed her brows. What did he mean she was special? All she knew was that he had a lot to explain in the morning. She relaxed and put her back against the tree's trunk, looking at the stars.

She closed her her eyes and quickly fell asleep. She awoke barely a minute later, startled. She was falling. She tried to call for help, but her cries were drowned out by the wind. She fell for about five terrifying seconds, then everything went black as she fell unconscious.

There was a beam of light from the morning sky falling on her, but everywhere else around her was pitch black. There was a large glass case around her with tiny holes lining the bottom. It wasn't too much larger than she was. It was like a display case...for humans.

"Whoah..." Phoenix said quietly. "Where am I?"

She heard her voice echo throughout the cave-like room, despite the glass around her. She knew she couldn't stay there forever, but she decided to stay there to see what would happen next. She heard voices nearby and started acting like she was asleep.

"Cyrona, what happens when Phoenix wakes up?" Asked a female voice.

Phoenix recognized this voice somehow.

"You have to make her find the statue," said another female voice, who must have belonged to Cyrona.

"And if she can't?" Retorted the first voice.

"You MAKE her," replied Cyrona. "You can manipulate her into thinking that she'll get something out of it."

"How?" Asked the first voice.

"Just do it! You know what? If you won't stop questioning me, just go with her on her stupid, little quest to get that stupid statue!" Cyrona snapped, annoyed. "Go deal with her yourself!"

Pity filled Phoenix's heart. She couldn't imagine being treated like that. She heard slow footsteps nearby, so she squinted without distorting her face, enabling her to still see. A girl emerged from the darkness, walking with slow, sad steps. She had wavy, chocolate brown hair and teary sky blue eyes. After about 5 steps, she began panicking and pacing the room.

"I can't do this," the girl began to mutter to herself. "I have to warn her. I have to warn all of them. I can't let all the worlds be destroyed. I have to wake her, but what would I say? 'Oh, yeah. You have to be responsible for the end of everything.' Right. What do I do?! I have to help her...somehow. I guess I'll just be honest. I need to wake her soon. We have to go."

The poor girl sighed in frustration and began shuffling over to Phoenix.

"Phoenix," the girl said a little louder than she was before. "Wake up, Phoenix."

Phoenix blinked her eyes as you might do when you first wake up.

"Who...who are you? How did you know my name?" Phoenix asked quietly. "Where am I?"

"My name is Katrina and you are in Boronia."

Phoenix recognized her name, but she couldn't place from where, just as she had recognized her voice.

"And how did you know my name?"

"I was the one who found you when you were abandoned by your parents. I have been watching over you ever since."

Phoenix's eyes widened. She never knew anyone had been watching over her. She tried to sit up, forgetting about the glass around her. She cried in pain.

"Sorry about that..." Katrina apologized.

She snapped her fingers and the glass disappeared.

"That was Cyrona's idea..." Katrina said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "I don't think I'll have to worry about you not cooperating....do I?"

"Of course not, but who's Cyrona? And why would you have to worry about me cooperating."

"Oh, Cyrona is...well, she THINKS she is the queen of Earth. Technically, she thinks she is the queen of EVERYTHING."

"But you said I was in Boronia, didn't you?"

"Right. Boronia is a name of a city on Earth."

"What's a city?"

"Oh, um, I probably shouldn't be the one teaching you."

"Why?"

"Well, let's just leave it at that. You had better get ready."

"For what?"

"There's a bronze-gold statue that looks like a dragon and it has a beautiful turquoise gem in the center of its head. That gem is called the Stone of Knowledge. The statue has that same turquoise color for its gem-like eyes and it has a mix of blue and purple throughout its tail. Well, that statue used to be...alive. That is before it was transformed into a statue by a curse. You must go on a quest to break that curse. Before the curse was cast, it was able to spread knowledge to those privileged. We have been waiting for someone just like you."

"Whoah... Well, how do you know for sure whether it was once alive or not? Did it have a name?"

"It's name is Spirit and I had known her."

"How?"

"I had to go on a quest to find the Stone of Knowledge, which basically meant that I had to go find Spirit. That was many ages ago–290,528 years ago if I remember right."

"Wait, so you're..."

"Yeah. I'm immortal," Katrina giggled and nodded, looking at Phoenix's wide eyes. "I'm currently 290,531 years old. Anyways, enough questions. I had better introduce you to Emily. She will show you what you need to do and she'll train you to go on the quest."

"Okay."

"Well, are you ready to begin the adventure of a lifetime?" Katrina asked, holding out her hand.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Phoenix answered with a sigh. "I guess."

Phoenix took Katrina's hand and stepped onto the cool, rocky ground. Katrina suddenly jumped back, eyes wide.

Chapter 3
The Tests

Phoenix whipped her head around to meet the terrifying eyes of a monstrous creature, about twice her size. (There will be a description of the creature here, but I can’t think of a good description. Please help me with that). Despite the fact that it's feet were chained to the ground and that it was about 20 feet away from Katrina and Phoenix, it was absolutely terrifying.

"I told her not now! Well, not ever, but ESPECIALLY not now!" Katrina yelled over the loud roars of the monster.

Both Katrina and Phoenix saw a human-like figure with wings peering down at them from the hole in the ceiling where the light came from.

"Good luck, sweets," Snickered the figure. "You'll need it."

"Cyrona!" Katrina screamed at the figure. "Don't do this now! She's not ready and you know it!!!"

Cyrona smirked and snapped her fingers, unleashing the beast.

"Fetch," Cyrona commanded the creature casually.

"RUN!!!!!" Katrina screamed.

Katrina ran to a door that looked like part of the wall and tried the knob. It wouldn't budge. She went back at it again; this time with magic. Nothing.

"Great, it's spell locked. Figures," Katrina said miserably. "Phoenix, you try. Phoenix?"

Katrina turned around and her jaw dropped. Phoenix had her hand just above the beast's head.

“Phoenix!” Katrina whispered hoarsely, just loud enough for Phoenix to hear. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

Phoenix rested her hand on the creature’s rigid skin.

Answer 2

I want to know what happens next!

Answer 3

that's a good story

Answer 4

Thanks, @likeabossssssss!

@neonumbrella5115, I will be working on it constantly, and I'll be updating it frequently, so I will try to remember to tag you when I do.

Thanks for reading!!!! :D

Answer 5

np

Answer 6

I want to know what happens next! The story is really interesting so far but the description of the creature would have made it better. I'm trying to think of a description for the creature too and when I do I will comment it. :)

Answer 7

@ChrissyTheBehemoth, thank you for reading! I will also try to remember to tag you, too. Thanks for helping me think of a description for the creature.

P.S. The creature is supposed to look very large and scary, but nice enough to be befriended or turned to the "good" side when touched by Phoenix.

Answer 8

Oh, and the creature has rigid skin, but i can change that if we find a description tahat works.

Answer 9

that*

Answer 10

I think the story is great!

Answer 11

thx!