Question

Please check this out! I have 10240 minutes until I can bump again. Tell me what you think about my story below. Please be honest. By the way, I just turned 13 on November 2nd and for school, I just started High School a little under two weeks ago. I am completely open to any questions, critiques, or suggestions you might have. One last thing, if you wanted to read this story on Wattpad, here's the link to my user: https://www.wattpad.com/user/MeadowTaylor5 The story is called Phoenix and the Stone of Knowledge. Here's the discription by the way:

A little girl named Phoenix, abandoned by her parents, is raised by dragons. When she turned 13 years old, she would have the power to restore peace to all the worlds if she can find an enchanted stone called the Stone of Knowledge. Will she be able to or will she turn her back on the good side and destroy everything?


P.S. I'm a girl, I will always be working on new chapters, and please medal me if you like my story! EDITORS NEEDED!!! Thanks for reading!

Answer 1

Also, I am still working on it constantly, so please tell me if you would like to be tagged for any updates.

Answer 2

Chapter 1

Sitting on the dew-covered grass at the bottom of a mountain, there was a neatly woven basket. In it, there was a screaming baby girl, wrapped in a soft, red blanket. All of a sudden, a huge dragon landed right next to the screaming infant. It was light purple and had soft, sky blue eyes. The baby stopped screaming the instant she saw it. She looked at the dragon with a curious gaze. Suddenly, the dragon shape-shifted into what looked like a human girl, maybe 13 years old. She had wavy chocolate brown hair and glistening blue eyes. She spoke softly.
"Don't be frightened. My name is Katrina," she said calmly to the baby, as if it could understand her. She whistled and a bald eagle immediately soared down from the foggy sky and perched atop her arm. She then turned her head to the eagle.
"Hyron, thank you for coming so quick. I'll take her to Dragon Forest and I'll meet you on the edge. Go tell Tarin that he has a guest, but don't tell him about me or her," she said, gesturing to the baby.
The eagle nodded and lifted up into the air. Katrina turned into a dragon again, took the basket, and dashed off to the top of the mountain. She soared gracefully through the air until they landed at the top of the mountain.
Where there should have been a point at the summit, there was a large flat area covered in trees and groups of mystical creatures. There were angels, centaurs, fairies, unicorns, lots of dragons, and many more enchanting legendary creatures. Katrina landed on the edge of the mountain top forest. All the creatures stopped and crowded around her and the baby and began murmuring to each other. A huge shadow blocked out the sun and everyone turned around. A huge dragon stood behind the group. It was a dark green color, also with sky blue eyes.
"What's all the commotion about? Who sent Hyron?" It demanded.
"Tarin. I sent Hyron," Katrina said, turning into a human again. "It's been a long time since I've last seen you."
"Katrina?" Tarin said, sounding surprised. "Why have you come?"
The crowd parted as Tarin came closer.
Tarin shape-shifted, just as Katrina had done, into a human. He looked ageless. He had golden hair and bright blue eyes.
"I heard this poor little baby girl making a racket at the bottom," said Katrina, glancing at the baby. "I was hoping you would take her in. She'd be a lot better off with you. Please..." Katrina's voice trailed off as she put her head down. Tarin definitely wasn’t the easiest to persuade. The baby opened her eyes as he knelt beside the basket. Katrina knew she didn't need to go any further, trying to convince him.
"We'll keep her," he said. "Hopefully, she turns out better than Cyrona," Tarin trailed off.
"She will," Katrina sighed with relief. "Well, the first thing we should do is name her" she continued "What do you think would be a suitable name?"
Just at that moment, a Phoenix flew over the baby and shed one of its feathers into the basket. According to legend, you were considered blessed to have a Phoenix gift you a feather.
"Phoenix," Tarin said. "That's her name."
"I like that," Katrina said. "I really wish I could stay, but I had better get back to Boronia before anyone notices I've been gone."
Tarin nodded as Katrina kissed Phoenix on the forehead.
"Good luck, Phoenix" she said softly. "Someday, you'll change the world. I just know it."
 


Chapter 2

Years had passed since that day and Phoenix grew and got older and smarter. It was finally her 12th birthday and as the time flew by, she had transformed into a spirited, kind, gorgeous young girl. She had long, wavy flame red hair and large, understanding brown eyes that seemed to sparkle when she glared. She loved helping everyone out when she could. However, she always dreamed of flying like the dragons, fairies, and the other flying creatures. Every time the dragons were out on their daily hunting trip, the fairies hung around her and made fun of her because she couldn't fly, calling her a “helpless, little landling”. She never got offended, for she has been made fun of on numerous occasions. However, there was one specific fairy named Embera who never made fun of her. Embera earned her name for being as small as an ember from a fire, much smaller than any other fairy, but size definitely wasn’t everything. Embera always disapproved of the other fairies' harshness, so she quickly became Phoenix's friend.
Phoenix learned just about everything from Embera. She was intrigued that she had come from the world of humans and yet she never remembered them. Although, she couldn't believe humans could be so cruel as to just abandon one of their own kind out in the wild, left to die.
After a hard day's work, Phoenix climbed up the biggest tree she could find and rested on a large limb in the tree's canopy and watched the sunset.
"Beautiful evening," someone said.
"Yeah,” Phoenix agreed. “Why didn't they want me? You know, my parents....or whatever," She turned her head to see Tarin standing on a nearby branch. He looked like he was in human form except he had large wings upon his back.
"I...I don't know..." He replied, lowering his head.
"Well, if THEY didn't want me, why would YOU?" She snapped with a slight tinge of anger surfing her voice.
"You're...." Tarin paused, searching for the right word. "You're special."
"I'm...special??" Phoenix repeated, confused and surprised, the anger rising.
She sat up, glaring deeply at Tarin.
"In a good way, of course!" Tarin replied quickly, seeing her anger. "I'll tell you tomorrow. It's getting late. You had better get to bed."
Tarin jumped off the branch he was on and plummeted toward the ground, opening his wings seconds before he would have crashed into the ground.
Phoenix sighed and furrowed her brows. What did he mean she was special? All she knew was that he had a LOT to explain in the morning. She relaxed and put her back against the tree's trunk, looking at the stars.
She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep. She awoke barely a minute later, startled. She was falling. She tried to call for help, but her cries were drowned out by the wind. She fell for about five terrifying seconds, and that was the last thing she remembered.

Phoenix stirred slightly, but couldn’t move her numb body or open her sore eyes. Every single muscle in her body ached. She heard voices nearby and strained to listen.
“Erin,” A familiar male voice said. “I had to. You have to understand me.”
“But why?” Another male voice pressed, but Phoenix didn’t recognize it. It was young, caring, and mellifluous, but held a sense of wisdom. He must be Erin. “Why did you have to push this innocent, young girl off a tree branch? Phoenix needs to live her life. Maybe she’ll bring everyone together, stop the evil hunger for the stone. Why, Tarin, did you let your own daughter, Cyro—”
“STOP!” Tarin yelled, cutting Erin off. “Just stop!”
Tarin?! Phoenix couldn’t wrap her mind around it. He was the one who pushed her? What did Erin mean that she could bring everyone together? What was Erin going to say about Tarin’s daughter? Phoenix didn’t even know that Tarin had a daughter. Wait a second. Erin said Tarin’s daughter’s name started with Cyro. Phoenix remembered Embera talking about Cyrona, but she never mentioned that Cyrona was Tarin’s daughter, let alone that Tarin had any children. Phoenix could feel the tenseness between the two.
“Fine,” Erin broke the silence then paused. “Well, I had better go check on Phoenix.”
“Sure. Okay. I probably have some business I have to attend to anyways.”
“What are we going to do with her when she wakes up?”
“I don’t know. She’s coming to close to figuring it out.”
“Well, if she asks what happened—?”
“Just figure something out! Just whatever you do, don’t tell her the truth. None of it.”
She couldn’t believe it. She heard a door shut. The sound of soft, slow footsteps got louder until it seemed to stop just outside her door.

Answer 3

I've been considering changing the intro. What do you think? Here's what I have so far.


Deep in the middle of a forest, there sat a neatly woven basket on the fresh, dew-covered grass. Underneath the warm glow of sunshine that shone through the leaves overhead, a newborn baby girl nestled in a soft, red blanket was resting comfortably. This forest wasn’t exactly what you might call “normal”. Its residents consisted of rather mystical creatures. Centaurs galloped about and ate the juicy dewberries that grew from certain bushes around the trees. At night, fairies glowed in the moonlight and floated to and fro. The dragons tended to lurk in the shadows of the great plants and rocks as they watched and listened for gossip and news from the fairies. The day the infant arrived, the fairies knew about it instantly and the news spread like wildfire. Before they knew it, the news of the new arrival had reached the great dragon leader, Tarin. Tarin wasn’t only a dragon leader. He was one of the only shape-shifters.

When he heard of the child, he knew he had to see her, so he sent out a Phoenix to find and bring the baby back to him.

Answer 4

Great story

Answer 5

It's gotten a lot better! Not the it was bad before, but I can tell you've been working. I really like the new intro, especially since it has so much imagery! I can really see the forest! One thought is to make Cyrona more mysterious, maybe don't mention her in the first chapter. Great job!

Answer 6

@MistyDreamsOfAHeart Thanks!

@neonumbrella5115 Thanks! I appreciate your thoughts and I will see what I can do!

Where do you guys think this story is headed? What do you think will happen next?

Answer 7

@emmagrace231 tell me what you think of the new parts.

Answer 8

@haleyelizabeth2017 Are you good at drawing places like the forest in the new intro?

Answer 9

Haha....I suck at drawing trees! D:

Answer 10

But I love how much you have improved the story....it was great before, but now it is almost perfect.

To be honest, I don't think I have ever met such a talented writer like you at your age before...

Answer 11

@haleyelizabeth2017 Awww, thanks!!! You're so sweet! It's ok about the trees. I could either have my grandmother (who is a super good painter) paint it or I could just play around with it on the computer.

Answer 12

You're welcome (: I think you should have your grandmother paint it...it would be super cool (:

Answer 13

Yeah

Answer 14

Hello

Answer 15

Hi

Answer 16

Awesome story! I luv it! :)

Answer 17

Thanks!

Answer 18

Hey @CuriousQusetions

when i read your story it makes me think im there in the story. when i was at the end i wanted to read more of it!

Answer 19

Hello @MistyDreamsOfAHeart

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me.

@candysummer3553 Thanks!

Answer 20

wow that is a hole bunch of readin

Answer 21

Yeah. It was a whole bunch of writing too. I read the whole thing all the time

Answer 22

If you want to read it later, you can save this doc.