Question

I want to write a story on Wattpad guys, but I don't know if this would be a good foundation for my story. Could someone please read and tell me what you think? Thanks, it's a bit long, but I think it's good. It's in the comments.

Answer 1

     I looked in the mirror and I almost didn't recognize the person I had become. I grabbed the sink and leaned in. I studied my face. I had scrapes all over and the scar on my left temple seemed to be popping out; it hadn't been so noticeable ever before. My face was dirty. I looked at my bloodshot eyes, the eyes of a killer and almost cried. My dark brown hair was dirty and tangled. I didn't look at all like the sweet, straight A student that I had been only months ago. Now I was a fugitive. I was a spy whose mission was to kill the one guy that has ever really shown that he loves me. I was a double agent looking for an escape plan. I didn't know who I could trust anymore. I gripped the sink and scowled. I thought, how did I let myself be turned into this? My chest rose and fell faster as my breathing became faster. I felt my throat tighten as I tried to stop myself from crying. My vision became blurry and the tears began to rain down my cheeks. I felt weaker than ever before. My parents were dead, and so was my brother. I was alone and afraid.

     I wiped the tears off my face with the back of my hands. I looked in the mirror and scowled at myself. In that moment I hated myself. I hated myself for not being able to be save my parents from their horrible fate. I hated myself for not being able to stop my brother from being killed. I hated myself for becoming a double agent. I hated myself because I had failed everyone. I made my hands into fists and my fingernails started digging into my palms. Blood started showing from the inside of my hands. I looked at the mirror once again and punched it with all my strength.

Answer 2

The mirror broke and a beautiful cascade of glass fell around my arms, leaving tiny cuts. My knuckles burned and I knew there had to be glass in them. I sat on the floor, feeling emotionless. I  needed a plan fast. I couldn't stay here, although it was my parents' safe house and nobody knew that I was here. I sat in one of the chairs that was in the small living room and thought about my options. I was in the middle of thinking about giving up and turning myself in, when there came a knock  on the door and I heard my father's voice coming from the other side.

Answer 3

wow it is filled with emotion . Good job

Answer 4

wheres the sexy bit

Answer 5

Dude this is gooooooooood!!!!!! :D

Answer 6

I think it is great

Answer 7

OMG thanks guys

Answer 8

@JoannThomas , @bigpapa1 , @hope210 thanks!!!!
@sunshinemarie hehe i thought about it but this is a scene where she is pretty broken

Answer 9

Wow that;s great! It's really descriptive!

Answer 10

I like this a lot! It flows very well and I think it would make a great foundation for your story. Nice!

Answer 11

I think it's great!

Answer 12

What's your wattpad username @Heypips ? - I'll follow you.

Answer 13

This is amazing, if you ever write the story i really want to read it, this should turn out really well @Heypips

Answer 14

Fantastic! what's the story called? i'll read and vote on it!

Answer 15

Actually, I wanted to know if I should write it. @Ravenclaw20 @Osgood @Cecil_the_Weasel @vsvampires309 thanks @PoetryPrincess I'm Heypips and my profile is a Teddy

Answer 16

you should write! i love what you've got so far and your theme sounds really good!

Answer 17

i'm following you now!

Answer 18

if you write it please no "sexy bits" as @sunshinemarie puts it :)

Answer 19

@Osgood LoL! :) but yeah, No SEX!

Answer 20

I'm glad some one agrees :) @Ravenclaw20

Answer 21

:)