Question

Can someone help me revise this
I have my teachers comments

Answer 1

Parents, by far are the number one reason that books are banned. They are very strict in monitoring what the children read. The main reason is so that they can protect there child from adult content and profanity.While one of the reasons that certain books are banned is because some people feel that they go against their morals. They claim that the tone of the story or the colorful vocabulary that the authors use is not suitable for there religion or way of thinking. Some feel that library should filter out material that could be controversial.


In the years through 1990-2009 parents were a large sum more than others of why book were banned. Banned books, they are caused in number one by parents because they are very strict in monitoring what our children read today. In my claim I will state why I think that librarys and schools should not ban books that could be controversial to some for religious or personal reasons. My counterclaim is that some think that libraries should filter out material that, could be controversial, especially to protect the youth. Such as with books that contain homosexuality.

My claim is that librarys and school should not ban books just because it is contrary to some peoples beliefs or religion like books that contain sexual content ,homosexuality,abuse,and strong adult vocabulary. These people are the parrents and gaurdians that are trying to get risd of many books in our community cases like this are And Tango Makes Three by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson and illustrated by Henry Cole this childrens book was challenged by the community because it tells the story of 2 male penguins that raise a young penguin together.

While that may be true, people could disagree and say that they are protecting their children and to protect them, they have to filter the things that are in public libraries, but in doings so they are also making adults and upcoming adults unable to find books that they may enjoy and limiting them to childish books.

In conclusion I think that parents are the number one reson why schools and librarys ban books. I belive that if you want to read somthing it should be your choice to read not up to somone who thinks it goes aginst there belief's . Their not in control of you ,YOU are, so while others belive that they are protecting their children, they are also limiting what others can read too.That may not be your choice you could agree with me or you could go in your own direction. So when somone ask if a book should be banned speak your mind and tell them what you think.

Answer 2

Teacher comments~ Your opening sentence: It sounds more like a claim, you don't want to put a claim or any perception of what your claim might be at the beginning. You want to keep it generic or use a famous quote that you can expand on, and then put your thesis at the very end of your introduction.

2) Get rid of phrases like, "My claim is", or "I believe"--you do not need this; just state what you are saying.

3). You paragraph 3 about the penguins--awesome example, it just seems incomplete. You need something at the end of this explaining or expanding on the idea! :-)

Answer 3

Hey there!
For your teacher's first point: You might want to put something like "Many believe parents are the reason that so many books are banned. Of course, there are some understandable reasons for such a claim." That's not the best example, of course, but the main thing is to keep it objective. If you need help coming up with a better opening sentence, I can try to help.

Again, it should be objective- don't refer to yourself, in third person or otherwise. It's safer to stick to general statements, if that makes any sense? Here's one example from your writing:

"My claim is that librarys and school should not ban books just because it is contrary to some peoples beliefs or religion like books that contain sexual content ,homosexuality,abuse,and strong adult vocabulary."

... to simply ...

"Libraries and schools should not ban books just because it is contrary to some people's beliefs or religion, including books that contain sexual content, homosexuality, abuse, and strong language."

Maybe end the third paragraph with a reason why that book shouldn't have been banned. Explain that, in your eyes, instead of 'promoting homosexuality' as a parent might see it, it's promoting acceptance and healthy familial relationships even in nature.

And not to be a wingspan, but you have a few syntax, grammar, and spelling issues- my recommendation is to use Spell Check systems for one! Make sure you don't have any run on sentences and such either, etc.

I believe this has the potential to be a fantastic essay!