Question

Can someone please help me edit this draft essay? I would appreciate it.

Be sure to have a quote from the story in each body paragraph, and do not end a paragraph with a quote. You need to explain the quote after you use it. Be sure to indent when starting a paragraph. Capitalize all names. Line up your margins so they are all the same.

Story: President Cleveland where are you?

Answer 1

Title: Jerry’s first experience with grown up decisions.

Choosing others over yourself doesn’t seem so hard, does it? Well for Jerry, in the book "President Cleveland Where Are You", written by Robert Cormier, it has to be one of the toughest decisions the eleven year old boy had to make. The story is based on the main character Jerry, and the theme of the story is 'It is better to give than receive', Jerry has to learn the hard way, he has to choose between helping his brother, or being selfish and completing his set of cards first out all his friends. The story took place in the 1930s during the Great Depression.
In the beginning of the story, Jerry is selfish and immature much like most kids his age, and as the story goes on, Jerry's attitude begins to change. Before maturing, the only thing jerry cared for collecting his cowboy cards, every time he had any money with him he was down at the drug store buying the cards with his friends, and making trades. It was Jerry's addiction. Jerry had stated “I too was obsessed with the cards, because they had become things of comfort in a world that had suddenly grown dismal.”

Even when his father's birthday had come, jerry was hesitating giving up his cowboy cards money for a present for his father. His brother said "It's Pa's birthday tomorrow. I think we ought to chip in and buy him something..." he replied, "Aw, come on," I protested. "I haven't got a single Ken Maynard left, and I was going to buy some cards this afternoon." Jerry was still only thinking of the cards and not his own father.
Soon though, new cards hit the shelves, and Jerry could care less about the cowboy cards. The new “in” thing was President Cards and Jerry wanted a complete set bad. He tried his hardest to get extra cash anywhere he could, since his father had been fired from his job, and he had lost his job also.

Every week jerry would go down the drug store corner and meet his friends for a trading session. Jerry kept trading and trading until he almost had a complete set. The last card he needed was the president Cleveland card, much like most of his friends. He was so close to getting them all, when he had to do some major decision making. Jerry had seen his brother Armand moping at home, and asked him what the matter was; Armand was disappointed that he couldn’t take his girlfriend Sally to the prom, because he did not have enough money for new clothes and shoes.

Both boys sat on the front porch disappointed they couldn’t get what they wanted, when jerry told Armand that he needs that one card to make his set complete, Armand told him that kids on the north side needed a card that Jerry had copies of, and they had the president Cleveland cards. Jerry pumped his fists in excitement, but then realized Armand was still upset. So he went and traded kids on the north side, came back and sold his card to one of the riches boys in town, and gave his brother the money. In the end Jerry felt sad, but he was coping. He learned a valuable lesson, and realized that what he had to do was “Something important.”

In conclusion, the book had a very dynamic character that undergoes a huge change.
Jerry had to decide if he should give up his cowboy card money for his fathers present. He had to decide if he wanted to keep collecting cards, and he had to decide if he was going to help Armand. In the end Jerry learns that it is sometimes hard to picking others is hard, and doesn’t always feel good, but it’s for the best.

Answer 2

I'm going to read this in the morning and see if I can find an edit. Commenting for later. :-) <3

Answer 3

Thank you Marie! <3 ILY!

Answer 4

"Before maturing, the only thing jerry cared for collecting his cowboy cards,"
It should be "Before maturing, the only thing Jerry cared for was collecting his cowboy cards." I added a period at the end of the sentence, capitalized Jerry and added the word was.

"every time he had any money with him he was down at the drug store buying the cards with his friends, and making trades." I believe it should be "Anytime he had money with him, he would be down at the drug store buying the cards, and making trades.

And make sure you look back and capitalize any "Jerry" you see. Since a name is a proper noun, the first letter should be capitalized and there's some uncapitalized Jerry's in here. :-)


"Even when his father's birthday had come, jerry was hesitating giving up his cowboy cards money for a present for his father." I think it should be "Even when his father's birthday had come, Jerry was hesitant on giving up his cowboy cards money in exchange for a present for his father."

"The new “in” thing was President Cards and Jerry wanted a complete set bad. He tried his hardest to get extra cash anywhere he could, since his father had been fired from his job, and he had lost his job also. " I think it should be "The new "in" thing was President Cards and Jerry wanted a complete set badly. He tried his hardest to get extra cash from anywhere he could since his father had been fired from his job, and he had lost his job also."

"Every week jerry would go down the drug store corner and meet his friends for a trading session." It should be "Every week Jerry would go down to the drug store corner and meet his friends for a trading session."

"Both boys sat on the front porch disappointed they couldn’t get what they wanted, when jerry told Armand that he needs that one card to make his set complete, Armand told him that kids on the north side needed a card that Jerry had copies of, and they had the president Cleveland cards. Jerry pumped his fists in excitement, but then realized Armand was still upset. So he went and traded kids on the north side, came back and sold his card to one of the riches boys in town, and gave his brother the money. In the end Jerry felt sad, but he was coping. He learned a valuable lesson, and realized that what he had to do was “Something important.”
It should be "Both boys sat on the front porch disappointed that they couldn't get what they wanted. Jerry told Armand that needs just one card to make his set complete. Armand told him that kids on the north side needed a card which Jerry has copies of, and they had the President Cleveland cards. Jerry pumped his fists in excitement, but then realized Armand was still upset. Jerry went to trade with the kids on the north side, came back, sold his card to one of the richest boys in town, and then gave his brother money. In the end Jerry felt sad, but he was coping. He learned a valuable lesson and realized that what he had to do was "something important."


I'm hoping the way I am formatting this so far makes sense. :-)

Answer 5

"He had to decide if he wanted to keep collecting cards, and he had to decide if he was going to help Armand. In the end Jerry learns that it is sometimes hard to picking others is hard, and doesn’t always feel good, but it’s for the best. "

I think it should be "He had to decide whether or not to keep collecting cards or help Armand. In the end, Jerry learns that it is sometimes hard to choose others and that it doesn't always feel good, but it's for the best."

Answer 6

Thank you so much!

Answer 7

Of course <3