Question

essay help
transition words

Answer 1

What's your question?

Answer 2

On December 19, 2012, my entire life became drastically altered; I relocated from Augusta, Ga to Wagener, SC. Though, the distance is not extremely far, a whopping hour; however, when you are used to being in the same neighborhood for eternity, it is a major transition. Going into an unfamiliar environment, meant having to leave everything that I have ever known behind. Making new friends and attending a different school, a completely foreign land, would take extreme adjustments. It was the end of the world as I knew it; Although, that is life, I suppose.
The background of this entire tale is not exactly like your typical hope. At this time, I was living with my mother and sister; my father, however, was never around. The situation was awful; I did not know where my next meal would come from. Our home was filthy, with garbage all over creation, like a pigsty. The stench of urine reeked from our pets; it was a complete nightmare. The condition was not suitable for anyone to live in, especially for my disabled mother.
I need transition words in the second [paragraph for a younger audience

Answer 3

Second sentence -> "Though, the " -> No comma

Answer 4

wouldn't that sound weird though unless I ended it something else

Answer 5

Paper rater actually gave me an 86 so far

Answer 6

The pause is awkward

Answer 7

The situation was awful; I did not know where my next meal would come from. Our home was filthy, with garbage all over creation, like a pigsty. The stench of urine reeked from our pets; it was a complete nightmare.

Answer 8

Though *pause* the distance...

Answer 9

makes sense

Answer 10

does the however sound weird

Answer 11

I was about to say that lol

Answer 12

take out however and leave ; ?

Answer 13

that bit I posted needs some transition

Answer 14

"Though the distance is not extremely far, a whopping hour; however, when you are used to being in the same neighborhood for eternity, it is a major transition."

Remove however and leave when, remove the comma. It's simply too many pauses and though caries over into the next part of the sentence. Also, I don't think these count as two independent clauses, as in order for a major transition to make sense, you must have read the first part. No semicolon.

Answer 15

By the way, you're using a lot of semicolons. What's up with that? xD

Answer 16

variety

Answer 17

too many short sentences

Answer 18

but it sounds weird to take out the semicolon unless you just use a comma

Answer 19

Eh, its not common to see writing with ample semicolons. I think it's because it's a pause stronger than a comma, yet lesser than a period. So your writing ends up being rather hasty to read.

Answer 20

I just want it to not sound weird and how you read it is a matter of perspective

Answer 21

This is true, do whatever you think is best in regards to that.

Answer 22

The background of this entire tale is not exactly like your typical hope. At this time, I was living with my mother and sister; my father, however, was never around. The situation was awful; I did not know where my next meal would come from. Our home was filthy, with garbage all over creation, like a pigsty. The stench of urine reeked from our pets; it was a complete nightmare. The condition was not suitable for anyone to live in, especially for my disabled mother.
I need transition here

Answer 23

It's a whole paragraph. Where?

Answer 24

You need to transition into a new paragraph? I'm unsure what you're asking.

Answer 25

The situation was awful; I did not know where my next meal would come from. Our home was filthy, with garbage all over creation, like a pigsty. The stench of urine reeked from our pets; it was a complete nightmare.

Answer 26

You need better transitions from sentence to sentence?

Also, creation seems an odd choice of words.

Answer 27

well it's better than saying everywhere and it's kinda figurative language, painting a picture

Answer 28

again younger audience and I have to make the word count eventually

Answer 29

Right

Answer 30

any better way to say all over creation

Answer 31

I mean figurative language

Answer 32

maybe pigsty gives oit enough or just say all over creation

Answer 33

The background of this entire tale is not exactly like your typical hope. At this time, I was living with my mother and sister; my father, however, was never around. The situation was awful; I did not know where my next meal would come from. Our home was filthy, with garbage all over creation; the stench of urine reeked from our pets. It was a complete nightmare. The condition was not suitable for anyone to live in, especially for my disabled mother.

Answer 34

better?

Answer 35

Creation whilst technically can refer to inanimate objects (as they have been 'created' by humans) typically refers to living creatures. So garbage all over 'creation' sounds like your pets and family are covered in trash.

Answer 36

well yes and no to both aspects

Answer 37

'with garbage all over the residence' could work, yet does not contain figurative language.

Answer 38

yeah that just sounds weird and formalish for a younger audience

Answer 39

the floor then?

Answer 40

but that's too dull

Answer 41

all over creation- is an idiom for things everywhere

Answer 42

Does no one use that phrase? I know my parents do

Answer 43

younger audience remember

Answer 44

As I stated earlier, I don't think you should get wrapped up in the younger audience thing (if you recall, me joking about the audience being college freshmen/HS seniors).

Your professor simply wanted you to write as if it were a younger audience so that you'd make it personal, and take on mentor role as to fulfill the prompt.

Nowhere does he say to dumb it down. "Think about your audience and what it is that they might be interested to hear in a story about your life."

Answer 45

true but being too wordy seems like you are trying to hard

Answer 46

not genuine

Answer 47

If you're going to take on that perspective, you'll need to change a lot of stuff and its unnecessary leg work.

Answer 48

I've used 'high vocab words' plenty of times all throughout my writing. I've received no complaints from them. In my opinion, it's knowing words that fit that exact situation.

Answer 49

exactly

Answer 50

Hence why I've pointed out when words of yours seem out of place, such as 'creation.' Since in context it is odd.

Answer 51

I will see what I can do. I do not see how it is out of place. It paints a picture.

Answer 52

maybe use pigsty instead?

Answer 53

Here's a strong argument then as to why you should not dumb it down. Children learn language through experience, by those who know how to use particular words express them in the proper context that children then hear, and remember. They did not get the definition of the word, but they received a scenario in which it is appropriate. By holding back all these words, it is exposure to learning that you are depriving them of.

Answer 54

For example, "Our home was filthy, with garbage all over the residence."

A child will easily learn that residence is another word for 'home.'

Answer 55

I also want the paper to sound like I wrote it. I get that and I use a decent amount of vocabulary; however, too many scholarly words does no good if it is not in the right place.

Answer 56

yes and that would be fine but it just sounds odd

Answer 57

It just doesn't fit the tone.

Answer 58

with 'garbage all over creation'

->
'mountains of garbage'
'rivers of garbage'
'plenty of trash around'

Simple and some are figurative.

Answer 59

Besides that I think the rest of the paragraph is fine.

Answer 60

mountains of garbage is good

Answer 61

first next there for finally