Question

who wants to look over my essay and tell me if I should add anything?

Answer 1

Could you post the essay please ?

Answer 2

Students should have a choice to do community service to graduate. If they do then they will learn how to work and be more social and help their community to be cleaner and a better place. Students in high school are always talking about getting jobs and how much they are bored of school, well one way to fix that is by working and do things other than school and community service is one of those alternatives. Also, community service should be a choice to those who are willing to get out and help and do good and also some kids who are having a bad home life and are getting in trouble at school or the law can have this to get their mind off the bad and think of the good for awhile.

Requiring community service hours is not necessary for graduating high school. The only time someone should be required to do community service is if they broke the law and they have to do community service hours or if that is your job, doing community service. Community service should be a choice for those who want to have a better community and by doing so you are not only helping yourself but your community also. The hours of community service you do shows up on your transcript, so it makes you look good to college's, but people have also gotten into college by not doing community service. If you notice college's don't have community service as a requirement to get in, so requiring it to graduate high school is not necessary.

If you require someone to do 100 hours of community service to graduate high school, some kids will refuse to do it in general. Those kids that refuse to do it, will you just hold them back, even if they have straight A's and the brightest kids you have ever seen? Well, look at it this way, let them choose on their own behalf if they want to do community service and then from there you can sort out the ones that want to help from the ones that think they're too good. A good idea to do if there is a town that is in need of community service is starting a community service club at the high school and those kids will be the ones that you can count o if community service needs to be done. There will be a lot of people that join, you just can't hold those back that refuse to do it unless it's required by law.

Another reason community service hours to graduate high school should not be a requirement is because some people just don't have time. Some kids in high school take classes that are really hard and that means they are studying all the time, those kids won't have time to do the community service. In addition, the ones that have time on their hands and want to do it will join the community service club and make a difference. You can require those who join the club to do community service, because that is what the club is for and why they joined. Community service should be a want for most kids, not a requirement, kids in high school should want to do community service.

In conclusion, 100 hours of community service should not be a requirement to graduate high school. There is already enough requirements, we don't need more. If you require someone to do community service, it will eventually turn into a burden to them, instead of a want. This concludes my essay on, if 100 hours of community service to graduate high school should be a requirement or not.

Answer 3

I have to persuade, if 100 hours of community service should be required to graduate HS or not.

Answer 4

@jimthompson5910

Answer 5

I'll let mxddi3 answer first

Answer 6

ok

Answer 7

Ok so to begin, it appears as if you state your opinion as the opening sentence. The thesis (claim) is the last sentence of the introductory paragraph.
Another thing I'd say you need to work on is your sentences. You seem to be putting a lot of "and" + "but" in your writing. This is creating a lot of run-on sentences. By adding a period and starting a new sentence, it also makes your writing longer :).
I also feel like you should maybe include some sort of evidence to back your claim. It'll make the writing stronger.
The conclusion paragraph needs some work. The first sentence of the conclusion should restate your claim in different words. You also said "This concludes my essay on, if 100 hours of community service to graduate high school should be a requirement or not."
This should never be included in your writing.
If jimthompson wants to help you with that, he can. If not, I'd be happy too.
Oh and also, word choice doesn't seem too good in my opinion. You get pretty repetitive with the "we" "some kids" "many students" type of thing.

Answer 8

Yeah, I am not the best writer and I was needing help...

Answer 9

It's all good, that's what we are here for : )

Answer 10

I was going to say about the same thing. Some sentences seem to be run-ons, and should be broken up. Also, your first paragraph clashes a bit with the fourth one. You state that kids are bored with school and community service and/or jobs are a good remedy, but then you mention that students don't have time. I guess a good way to bridge the gap is to offer a class where the student learns about community frameworks, such as how council meetings work, and community service could be part of it. This could possibly be part of government class. By doing so, any time a student does homework for this class, they are also doing community service.

Answer 11

So I need to rewrite the first and last paragraph?

Answer 12

Yeah i agree.
I think the part with para 1 and 4, i think you could do that^ or you need to pick one side.
Ohhh, and, this appears to be an argumentative essay, so i'd say that you should acknowledge the counterclaim and state the weaknesses of that argument. It will help to make your claim look more reasonable.

Answer 13

Ok thank you @mxddi3 and @jimthompson5910

Answer 14

yw :)
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