I'm writing a book. It's called "Beach Killer". It's bases on the Honolulu Strangler in 1985. This is Chapter 1. Lmk what you guys think !

I got a phone call a couple of minutes after I got settled into my hotel room. “Mrs.Lynn, this is detective Chase Daniels, but call me Chase. I am working on the missing person case of Gail Purdy.” he said as it sounded familiar to me. It was like I knew him from somewhere, the way he talked in a sweet, but stern voice.
“Okay. I’m LA Times crime reporter Mrs.Lynn, but you already know that I assume. I am an ex-detective and cop, so they thought it would be best for me to work on this case, and do interviews, and help out basically.” I wanted to make sure he knew what I was doing, so I won’t get pushed around because I am a reporter. “Meet me in your hotel lobby, and we can start from there Lynn.” as he hung up the phone like he was in a rush, I hung up the phone as well and started to gather my things- pen, notebook, jacket, badge, my .9 millimeter gun for protection, my tape recorder, and also my sunglasses. I walked out to the lobby and there he was in less than 10 minutes already sitting down in the lobby waiting for me. He kind of looked familiar too, but I couldn’t put my mind to it. We shook hands and exchanged smiles. “Well I am glad an experienced detective and cop like you is on this case helping me. All the other people didn’t know what to do.” I chuckled a little and gave off an appreciating smile. “15 years in experience can take you a long way. Let’s go ahead and get started.” We started to head towards his Jeep, and we drove off.
We arrived at a restaurant named Merriman’s Honolulu. It looked very nice, and as if it was just built. Chase led me to a table with 1 other person. “These is Gail’s husband, Gary Purdy. Gary this is Mrs.Lynn, a LA Times reporter working with me on the case.” he introduced us to each other. The three of us sat down, and soon me and Chase ordered some water, and Gary ordered a Caketail.
We got straight to work. Chase began to explain to me where she was last seen at. “The last person she was seen by was a taxi driver who drove her from the Blue Water Cafe and dropped her off at the Shorebird Hotel at around midnight.” he said looking at Gary’s eyes water up. I sat and thought about if there were any security cameras at the Shorebird Hotel.
“If there are any security cameras outside the hotel, then it should have caught something around that time.” I felt confident in my

Question

I'm writing a book. It's called "Beach Killer". It's bases on the Honolulu Strangler in 1985. This is Chapter 1. Lmk what you guys think !

I got a phone call a couple of minutes after I got settled into my hotel room. “Mrs.Lynn, this is detective Chase Daniels, but call me Chase. I am working on the missing person case of Gail Purdy.” he said as it sounded familiar to me. It was like I knew him from somewhere, the way he talked in a sweet, but stern voice. 
“Okay. I’m LA Times crime reporter Mrs.Lynn, but you already know that I assume. I am an ex-detective and cop, so they thought it would be best for me to work on this case, and do interviews, and help out basically.” I wanted to make sure he knew what I was doing, so I won’t get pushed around because I am a reporter.  “Meet me in your hotel lobby, and we can start from there Lynn.” as he hung up the phone like he was in a rush, I hung up the phone as well and started to gather my things- pen, notebook, jacket, badge, my .9 millimeter gun for protection, my tape recorder, and also my sunglasses. I walked out to the lobby and there he was in less than 10 minutes already sitting down in the lobby waiting for me. He kind of looked familiar too, but I couldn’t put my mind to it. We shook hands and exchanged smiles.  “Well I am glad an experienced detective and cop like you is on this case helping me. All the other people didn’t know what to do.” I chuckled a little and gave off an appreciating smile.  “15 years in experience can take you a long way. Let’s go ahead and get started.” We started to head towards his Jeep, and we drove off. 
We arrived at a restaurant  named  Merriman’s Honolulu. It looked very nice, and as if it was just built. Chase led me to a table with 1 other person. “These is Gail’s husband, Gary Purdy. Gary this is Mrs.Lynn, a LA Times reporter working with me on the case.” he introduced us to each other.  The three of us sat down, and soon me and Chase ordered some water, and Gary ordered a Caketail. 
We got straight to work. Chase began to explain to me where she was last seen at. “The last person she was seen by was a taxi driver who drove her from the Blue Water Cafe and dropped her off at the Shorebird Hotel at around midnight.” he said looking at Gary’s eyes water up. I sat and thought about if there were any security cameras at the Shorebird Hotel. 
“If there are any security cameras outside the hotel, then it should have caught something around that time.” I felt confident in my

Ferrari · Answer

I like the story so far. It seems like a professional one! Good job.

P.S My great uncle was a serial killer, so I research a lot of them, and I have heard of the Honolulu Strangler.

2kayaa · Answer

@ferrari wrote:

I like the story so far. It seems like a professional one! Good job. P.S My great uncle was a serial killer, so I research a lot of them, and I have heard of the Honolulu Strangler.

Oh That is crazy! Thank You !

Alhamdulilliah · Answer

This is wonderful, I love it so much!!!!!!! I'm looking forward on reading the whole book, keep it up!

2kayaa · Answer

@alhamdulilliah wrote:

This is wonderful, I love it so much!!!!!!! I'm looking forward on reading the whole book, keep it up!

thank youu so muchh !!

mcSqueaks · Answer

I am trying constructive critism. But when someone new starts talking you start a new line.

Zeldris · Answer

it's a really great story keep up the good work

Zeldris · Answer

you'd make a really good writer someday

madz2345 · Answer

@zeldris wrote:

you'd make a really good writer someday

agree