Question

I need help with my character essay, I need someone to review it and then help me write a good conclusion.

Answer 1

Here is the paper:

Answer 2

What is the actual assignment (beyond "write a character essay"), what sort of class is it for, and what level are you at? Oh, and what's your timeline? When would you need it back by?

Answer 3

It's for an English glass, I'm in 8th grade, I need it back by Monday, I have the guidelines from my teacher

Answer 4

Okey doke, thanks for the assignment too, that helps. I will be out (and away from the computer) for the next couple of hours. I could take a look later in the day. Does that work for you?

Answer 5

Yea! Thanks a whole bunch!

Answer 6

I'm taking a quick look now, just to see if there's anything you might be able to work on in the meantime, if you were so inclined.

Your thesis statement is the final sentence in the first paragraph, right? This doesn't seem to be a statement anyone could argue with -- to understand how the feelings of the character influence his actions (is this what you mean?), we would need to pay close attention to those feelings -- or maybe you mean we ought to pay close attention to his actions? -- beginning with his plan. Would there ever be a case in which this is not so? When we could come to understand the feelings or actions (or even how they interact, or one affects the other) of a character *without* paying close attention to them as presented in the text? You would make a stronger argument if you could say something definitive ABOUT those feelings or actions. Maybe I am not understanding what you mean by "take a toll on." I know how one thing ordinarily takes its toll, but not how feelings can take a toll on actions.

Where are you within the process outlined in this assignment sheet? Is this the prewriting, the first revision, the second revision, or . . . ?

The thesis is the crucial component, as it summarizes just what it is you want to say, why you are writing this, and what I (or whoever else) will come to understand about the story after having read what you have to say about it. (Er, I haven't read this story for about 30 years, so I'm a little rusty on it. :)

In terms of overall approach with respect to the text, I see a lot of quoting, which is good, but the balance of the quoted material to your own analysis of it seems a little out of whack in the fourth paragraph. By that I mean, there are eight lines quoted from your text, but only two sentences of your own -- the entire paragraph is pretty much taken up by Poe's words. You would need to add far more analysis here to successfully use such a large chunk of quoted text. A better approach would be to extract some smaller pieces of this large chunk, and then weave them in with your own writing. In your writing, you explain something (not just summarize plot) and then use bits of text to show us that your explanation is built on something. You didn't just spin it out of nothing, but rather you found it in the text itself, by reading closely and thinking about what you read. Make sense?

Answer 7

I see what you're saying, I'll try to redo the first and fourth paragraph. What do you mean by "You would make a stronger argument if you could say something definitive ABOUT those feelings or actions."?

Answer 8

In terms of your conclusion, it would then be closely connected with your thesis. Right now, it is going to be a little difficult to write a conclusion because it would be in essence (though not this simply, not in these words), "so we can see that by reviewing Edgar's actions, from his initial plan through its completion, we understand more fully how his feelings . . . "

You conclude the second paragraph by saying that what Edgar does after realizing that he cannot simply carve the old man's eye out confirms out suspicions that he's mad. This statement already tells me more than the thesis, and I can see that you are thinking through these ideas about this character as you write. But *how* does what he does next confirm those suspicions? In the next paragraph, you relate a couple of those next actions, through your own words and through the words of the text, but you do not explain. Why do you think he goes so far as to dismember the body? What does this show us? Do you think this is a rational response? (For that matter, what's up with this eye? Is *that* a rational response that Edgar has? Why do you think he has this response? What does it say about him, Edgar?) What does it mean that Edgar "smiles gaily" after not only killing the old man, but taking him apart? What does this response say about the connection of feeling to action (or lack of it)?

Then, the conclusion of the third paragraph seems at odd with the conclusion of the fourth. At the end of the third paragraph, I read "his moment of joy and triumph was short," and so I am expecting some kind of disaster, or at least a downturn, in the following paragraph. But now I see -- after a large block of the original text of the story -- that Edgar is in fact "at ease," that "he doesn't fear the old man's eye anymore." If he has no more fear of the old man, and if he is completely at ease with the murder, thinking he has gotten away with it, then why do you tell me in the preceding paragraph (which prepares me for this one) that his joy and triumph are about to be overturned? You might argue one or the other -- that he will not be joyous and triumphant at the end of this, or that he will -- but not both at once, inconsistently.

But can you really argue that he has gotten away with it? Or at any rate, that he is at ease? What is the tone in the passage that you cite in that fourth paragraph? He says he acts "in the wild audacity" of his "perfect triumph," but do you believe him? What else might it say, that he puts his chair right down where he does?

You have chosen a difficult character study, I think, because in this story there is a kind of distance between what the character says and thinks about himself, and what we are invited to think about what he says and thinks about himself. You will need to address that distance in some way in order to use quotations from the text and then explain them (analyze them) such that your own conclusions will not match those of the characters. That is, Edgar may say that he is triumphant and at ease and all of that. But you may need to say something different about him. You may need to dig beneath those words a bit.

Remember: your own words in the essay should not primarily simply restate what you have quoted. You need to *add to* what you have quoted, by situating it within your own thought. And you should not summarize plot, but rather take elements of the plot as being evidence of something else, something that you are arguing for. Don't think in terms of, "He did this and this and then this," but rather, "When he did such and such, it means this." You won't write it that way, but you might have to think it that way. Know what I mean? To keep yourself focused on NOT retelling the story, but rather saying something about the story.

If you are at the final stage of the process, this will all be too much for you to take on right now. I am thinking you might be in the first or second revision?

I also have not worked with someone as young as you in a long while. You will have to tell me if this is too much for you to think about, period.

Answer 9

Yea, I see what you mean, Edgar is a little difficult, and yes, this is my first revision. Do you think I should try to choose a different story?

Answer 10

Just saw your two responses! (They didn't come in while I was typing.)

You ask . . . What do you mean by "You would make a stronger argument if you could say something definitive ABOUT those feelings or actions."?

Okay, I mean the statement is general, irrefutable. What kind of feelings, what kind of actions? Really, everyone has feelings that drive their actions, don't they? I'm a little uncertain of what you mean by "takes a toll on" with respect to those feelings and actions. Maybe if you tease this idea out, you'll have a more definitive -- a more concrete, defining -- statement that you want to demonstrate through your essay about those feelings and actions.

Answer 11

Well, you've put so much work into it, haven't you?

Answer 12

What did your learning coach say about your prewriting sheet?

Answer 13

Ohh I see, and yes I have, but if the essay is going to only make it harder for me to hand it in on time, and if I have other choices for my topic that won't take the last 6 days I have left (which also has to be divided with my argumentation essay) then I think it would be a better choice to choose the latter. If yo uthink that's an incorrect assumption please tell me, the last thing I want to do is make this harder

Answer 14

My learning coach hasn't been able to help me with my assignments since they have five other kids that need their immediate help which is why I'm seeking internet help. I also don't have a prewriting sheet since my teacher was unable to provide one until today. She (my teacher) wanted to add something extra to it or something

Answer 15

Oh, my gosh!

Answer 16

Why did you go with this one in the first place, what about it appealed to you? Which of the others might you want to go with instead, if you were to do that, and why?

Answer 17

Well, the other options are:
"The Glass of Milk"

"Gumption"

"To Build a Fire"

"The Piece of String"

“The Lottery"

"The Lady or the Tiger?"

"The Piece of String"

"The Lottery"

"The Lady or the Tiger?"

I chose The Tell-Tale Heart because I love Edgar's works, but I didn't think about how his works are complicated.

Answer 18

My computer duplicated some, sorry about that

Answer 19

Oh, yes, I've got your assignment sheet, so I see the options. I was wondering which of those your backup might be.

But if you love Poe's work, maybe you do want to stick with this. What about his work do you love? Maybe that will help you into what you want to say here. (Not in the guise of "here's what I love," but in the sense of what about technique or tone can you talk about in the essay.)

Answer 20

Well I enjoy how he shows how (in the story) that the guilt does eventually eat you, driving you mad until you can't take it any more (which happened at the end of The Tell-Tale heart)

Answer 21

Oh, that's great! You need to work that into the essay! I mean, this is a character study of the narrator of the story, not an essay on Poe's techniques, but you can use this idea -- that guilt eats at him, drives him mad -- in the context of that character study.

I think if you spend some time thinking about this gap between what the narrator of the story -- who is not really Poe himself, even if the narrator uses "I" -- tells us and what we understand, in between the lines as it were, you will find your way to something more to say about the narrator.

He's unreliable, you know. Have you discussed that in class, the convention of the unreliable narrator?

Answer 22

No, my teacher didn't discuss anything about unreliable narrators, she's a little bit unreliable herself (which is why I don't have a pre writing sheet) so I doubted that she would at any time.

Answer 23

Okay, with an unreliable narrator, you cannot take what the narrator says at face value. The narrator may be hiding something from us, or the narrator may simply not know him- or herself very well, may be in a sense hiding from herself (or himself). See what I mean?

Answer 24

Not really, you're saying that with an unreliable narrator, they might not understand themselves as well as they think they do, and they might just go with what pops up in their head first or seems the most logical to what they're think they're feeling?

Answer 25

Ummm, no. I mean that the author has set out for himself a difficult task, that of telling a logical and coherent story through the eyes of someone who is either hiding something from us (and so lying) or hiding something from himself (and so deceived or deluded). We cannot accept the story exactly as the narrator presents it to us. We have to play detective.

Answer 26

The narrator of this story says he is not mad. Do we think he is not mad?

Answer 27

Is the narrator saying Poe isn't mad, or the narrator isn't mad? I always thought Poe was narrating the story

Answer 28

No, Poe has fashioned a narrator, another character, through whom he is telling the story. It is a mask.

If an actor in a movie says "I," we know he is speaking in character, right? Same thing.

Answer 29

Ohhh, yea, I see what yo mean. I think, it's like Poe's narrating his own story, but he makes the narrator a whole different person?

Answer 30

Yep. You don't think Poe really dismembered someone and then lay his body beneath the floorboards, right?

Answer 31

Not really, it seemed a little extreme

Answer 32

I'll say! That would be one mighty unpopular writer.

No, he is imagining the thoughts and feelings of this character, and then presenting them to us through the vehicle of that character.

Answer 33

It is a portrait of a madman, really.

Answer 34

Hm. That's...complex to the max. So, really, Poe just killed the guy and then that was it?

Answer 35

No . . . he imagines himself in the mind of a madman. What would it feel like, how would you justify it to yourself, what might be the motivation, what would be the outcome?

He could have written it in third person, but he went with first person to get us inside the mind of this person. He wanted us to see the self-delusion and the madness from within.

Answer 36

Ohhhh, I see, he's spinning a story about how a madman would go about a murder?

Answer 37

Yes, a particular madman. This one.

Answer 38

And then how he would think about it himself, in his own mind. Well and how he would speak about it to others.

He is speaking to someone as the story opens, right? I've found a copy of it and have been scanning it now as we speak.

Answer 39

Yea, I see what you mean, he's

Answer 40

is talking to someone in the beginning

Answer 41

Yes, maybe to us. It sets the tone for the story, doesn't it? He tells us that the disease "had sharpened" his senses, but not destroyed or dulled them. And he wants to convince us that he is not mad by telling us his story calmly.

But isn't that calm what makes him seem more mad? The way he can detail how and why he did it? The fact that he thinks he hears the dead man's heart because his sense of hearing is now "acute." But why do we think he hears that heart?

Answer 42

I think he hears the heart because he's mad and it possibly could be his own heart as the guilt eats away at his conscience

Answer 43

And there you are, understanding more about him through his story than he can understand about himself. Which is what Poe wants you to do. That's where the impact of the story lies.

Answer 44

So Poe's story, the Tell-Tale heart is actually a fake murder case that forces us to be the detectives to understand the murderer right?

Answer 45

It's not fake. It's fiction.

Answer 46

It's a real murder within the context of the story.

Answer 47

fiction I mean, a fictional murder case

Answer 48

Unless you wanted to interrogate the text and argue that the narrator didn't actually murder anyone . . .

The point is, whether a story is told with the pronoun "he" or whether it's told with the pronoun "I," it's every bit as much the same fiction. In the context of story-telling, the writer is not the character of the story, whether that writer is using "I" or "he."

Answer 49

In Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the author is not the wimpy kid, right? Same thing.

Answer 50

Right, I see what you mean now

Answer 51

Cool . . .

Now, to continue with this idea of calmness, our narrator says he proceeded "wisely" and "with caution." He says of his actions, "what foresight . . . what dissimulation." But it is this very caution and so-called wisdom that ought to make us feel horror. WE see what the narrator is and what he is doing, but HE does not.

The real movement of the story is told in this gap between what the narrator knows and understands and what we know and understand.

Answer 52

ohhh

Answer 53

That would probably be the thesis statement I need to put in my first paragraph, correct?

Answer 54

Well, IF you were writing an essay about the story itself, you could well do that. But this is meant to be a character study, so I don't think you'd want your thesis statement to address "the real movement of the story."

Can you think of a way to write about the character, some aspect of the character, in light of what you now think and understand about the story?

Answer 55

You could use that idea of the unreliable narrator and the movement of the story as support in the discussion of that character, though. That might be quite nice. It would be part of your analysis, and you would need to support those statements.

Answer 56

True, that's a good idea, I'm still trying to figure out how to answer your first question, but I think that the character's calmness only adds to the suspicion that he's mad. So, the actions of the character counter-acts his efforts to prove that he isn't mad in the beginning of the story. Is that right?

Answer 57

If you can make a good argument to that effect by citing from the story, then it's right.

In these essays, you will be practicing just that: coming up with an argument -- a statement that you want to persuade your readers is correct -- and then demonstrating the validity of that argument with evidence from the text.

Answer 58

But, yes, I think that's right. The character's own thoughts and actions -- because we have both, although the actions are told only through his eyes -- counteract his assertion to us that he is not mad.

Answer 59

The main character isn't Poe right?

Answer 60

What I mean is, in my essay, I said that the character is Poe, but if he isn't Poe, then it means I need to change the words "Edgar" and "Poe" to "the main character". Right?

Answer 61

Right.

Let's say you wanted to write a story about Little Red Riding Hood, from the point of Little Red. You'd use "I" and tell it from her side. Now suppose you wanted to tell the story from the Wolf's point of view? You'd again use "I," but now you're in the character of the wolf. And if you wanted to tell it from the grandmother's point of view?

In fiction, "I" is every bit as much an imagined character as is the character we read of with "he" or "she." The author is inside the character telling the story, or the author is outside the character telling the story. Or sometimes a bit of both, when we are told character's thoughts even if the pronouns are "he" or "she." There are many gradations of this.

Answer 62

Ah, your second question came through only after I'd posted. Right. You need to speak of him as the narrator. He hasn't got a name.

Answer 63

so it should be "the narrator" correct?

Answer 64

Yup, exactly.

Answer 65

In the short story “The Tell-Tale Heart” written by Edgar Allen Poe the main character is Edgar himself. Edgar lives with an old man, but is troubled by his glass eye (132). He stated in the book “Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold…” that lets the reader see how he feels about the old man’s eye (132). To fully understand how Edgar feelings take a toll on his actions readers need to review each of them; starting with the plan.
In this paragraph (the first one) I should make it so that it says "the main character is an unknown narrator"?

Answer 66

I'd rewrite that whole paragraph, if I were you.

Answer 67

Okay, think of all you've done so far as prework. You have a new, deeper understanding now, right? Don't try to hold onto that old text. Rewrite.

Answer 68

The work you have done so far will not got to waste. It all paved the way for where you are now.

But you need to open up and think in a new direction now.

Answer 69

By rewrite you mean to fix everything so it weaves itself together to fit my thesis statement and to fix all of the part that say "Edgar" or "Poe" instead of "the narrator" right?

Answer 70

Take a new sheet of paper, virtual or actual. Think now about what you'd like to say, how you'd like to begin. Write.

Don't even look at that other stuff. It's just going to weigh you down, slow you down.

Answer 71

Ok! Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it, I hope I didn't take up too much of your time. I'm going to do my best at rewriting this and hopefully tomorrow, it'll be a better improvement then what I had.

Answer 72

I'm sure it will be. : )

Ping me when you've got something you'd like reviewed. I'll check here later on tonight and then again in the morning. I review better in the morning, though, when I'm fresh, so I might not look at it until then even if you send it tonight.

When you've got the essay more unified around a single governing idea (the thesis) and you've got good solid support, we can talk about other issues of sentence structure if you want. You might be thinking of that as you write, and you ought to be, but from my point of view there was no point getting into any of those other issues when the main thrust of the piece was weak. Strengthen that, and we can tackle other issues if you like.

Once you have a better idea of where you're going though, some of that other stuff -- the interweaving and so on -- may fall more into place. I see you've got a good sense of transition already.

Anyway, i'm outta here . . . it's been a lot of fun. I can't wait to see your next draft!

Answer 73

Thanks again! Have a good night!

Answer 74

You too . . . ciao.

Answer 75

Here's what I have so far, I'm going to bed (I know it isn't much for how much time passed, but I got a lot of writers block and had to take two breaks to ease myself)

“The disease had sharpened my senses—not destroyed—not dulled them.” That excerpt is from the short story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allen Poe. The speaker is an unknown narrator who is the main character. He’s living in a house with an old man that has a glass eye. The glass eye provokes the narrator’s annoyance immensely whenever he sees it. “He had the eye of a vulture…Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold…” says the narrator (132). When the narrator can’t bear to see it anymore, he resolves to kill the old man. The beginning of the story brings us to the narrator telling us that he isn’t crazy. “Hearken! And observe how healthily—how calmly I can tell you the whole story…Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded—with what caution—with what foresight—with what dissimulation I went to work!” (132). Unfortunately, the narrator’s actions counter-act all of the things he says to prove that he wasn’t crazy.

That's the first paragraph!

Thanks again for all your help!

Answer 76

Oh my gosh, this is so much more focused and unified! Bravo, you have done beautifully. Not to worry, writing takes time. Sometimes it goes more swiftly, sometimes it goes more slowly. And you're learning a lot not only about what you want to say, but also about how to go about saying it. So you're doing wonderfully.

I love the quotation you open on. It packs a lot of punch. And with it, you've jumped right into the midst of things -- as the story itself does, right? -- before it leads us back through prior events. Throughout the paragraph, your statements are upheld by what you quote. You tell us the glass eye provokes the narrator's annoyance (maybe as you work with the paper, you'll come up with a stronger term here, as he does seem more than annoyed), and then you support that statement with another direct citation from the text. (Ah, and note here how he himself says his blood runs cold when it turns its gaze upon him. What feeling, then, does seeing the eye look at him arouse in him? And why, do you think? You would not get into the why here probably, but you might want to keep that in mind as you work on subsequent paragraphs. You might come up with an idea why you think that the eye looking at him disturbs him so deeply.)

Then comes that great passage which clearly shows us the narrator arguing against his being mad, and finally your own assertion -- which you will set out to demonstrate in the paper -- that he is mad, demonstrably mad through his own actions.

Now you can push on to the following paragraph and begin to lay out your evidence, showing what about his actions leads you to conclude that he is mad. You might make some mention somewhere in the argument of the fact that he is an unreliable narrator. You probably do not want to get too much, if at all, into what this means for the story (even though we talked about it) because this really begins to veer off from your mission in this paper, which is to sketch for us his character.

At the risk of meddling too much, and too early, in the process, let me remind you as you read over your work with fresh eyes in the morning (and whenever you are taking a break from pushing forward to review what you have) to keep in mind opportunities for combining thoughts and ideas, in terms of the structure of your sentences.

You might, for example, as you work with the text do something like this with your second and third sentences --

“The disease had sharpened my senses—not destroyed—not dulled them.” So begins the short story "The Tell-Tale Heart," by Edgar Allen Poe. The speaker, an unknown narrator, lives in a house with an old man who has a glass eye. This glass eye . . .


Why? "So begins the short story" is a little more suspenseful than "That excerpt is from the short story," and in terms of calling it an excerpt, you are telling me (the reader) what I can already see -- that it's a quotation. I don't know yet where it's from. I don't know yet what its import is. And all of that is what the rest of the paragraph begins to lay out for me.

It's really beautiful work. I'm impressed.

Answer 77

Hmmm, and to edit myself, I would say too that he's more an *unnamed* narrator than unknown, don't you think? What might that detail tell us about him, or how does that detail affect our response to him and to his story?

Answer 78

So in my enthusiasm for illustrating how else you might situate that opening quotation, and introduce us to your text, I misspoke. This of course is *not* the line Poe begins with: it is the line you are beginning with. So ignore my very bad example in that respect, but do think of what else you might use there besides "This excerpt is from."

I am also wondering, in your class are you looking at examples of critical essays, or have you done so in another class? That is, have you got a reader not only of the stories you will be reading and analyzing, but of models of the sorts of essays you will be writing? It helps to look over analytical essays and to critique them. It helps to have models of what you are to be doing.

Answer 79

Ohh, ok, I see what you mean, and yes I do have one. Sorry I'm juts replying, things have been extremely hectic. My comp broke while I was working on it this morning so I had to use a stationary one. Here's the model: http://online.k12.com/media/Eighth_Grade/Language_Arts/Unit2347/Lesson13477/MS_INTENGCC02_01_model.pdf

Answer 80

Oh, no, I was saying that it helps students to have models of the sorts of writing they'll be doing, and I was just checking to see that in your class, you were covering that. But actually, it will help me to see the level that's expected of you, so that is good you attached it. Helps better orient me to your context. Thanks.

How's it coming along? You been getting anywhere on it today? Sorry to hear about your computer. Drag.

Answer 81

It's coming good, but the stationary is super slow and I'm having writers block again. I'm not sure how to start the next paragraph. I'm thinking it should be how his plan counter-acts what he says first. Is that good?

Answer 82

Should I start it with another quote?

Answer 83

If you're having writer's block, perhaps you are not certain of where you are going now with your argument. It's hard to tell another person how to proceed: each of us has our own process for thinking through issues. You could try rereading the story and noting down where you find support for your thesis. You could try "mapping" those ideas on a blank sheet of paper. You probably ought not to approach the next paragraph with the idea that now you're just going to start writing and it's all going to come together. Sometimes that does happen, but generally that's because you've already done quite a bit of the work already. You may not even want to think in terms of your final paragraphs just yet, but rather get that mix of ideas going and then once you have them, you can start grouping them.

Does that make sense?

You could also try explaining, less formally, what you mean as a way to start. What do you mean when you say that his plan counteracts what he says at first?

Answer 84

His plan is crazy, like he says he's going to puts his head in and he's gonna carve his eye out (which is completely madness) and then he says that a madman wouldn't take such care. Does that make sense?

Answer 85

It's not exactly writers block, I'm just not sure how to put down what I'm thinking into something character essay worthy

Answer 86

So, how is he trying to prove to us that he is not a madman? Elaborate.

Answer 87

First he says that he's more careful and cautious than a madman would be when he's trying to kill someone.

Answer 88

"Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I thrust it in! I moved it slowly, very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as he lay upon his bed. Ha! would a madman have been so wise as this? "

Answer 89

Then he said "If still you think me mad, you will think so no longer when I describe the wise precautions I took for the concealment of the body. The night waned, and I worked hastily, but in silence."

Answer 90

Uh huh. So he says that he is NOT mad because he was careful and cautious. And because he took "wise precautions."

So what is his definition of a madman, apparently?

Answer 91

Someone who's careless and doesn't think through before they act

Answer 92

well, not exactly careless, but not very cautious as they could be

Answer 93

Someone who is reckless, in other words. Someone who acts in haste?

Answer 94

Someone who acts out of passion, perhaps?

Answer 95

Yea, passion and haste would describe it better

Answer 96

If you hear a news report about someone who commits murder in a moment of wild rage, what are your feelings about this person?

If you hear a news report about someone who very calmly and methodically planned a murder and then carried it out, what are your feelings about this person?

Answer 97

Well, if they did it in a wild rage I would say that person might not be crazy since they were in rage. Anger is capable of overriding all rational thoughts and making you act on the spur of the moment. Like for example, when someone's mad they might say "I HATE YOU!" but that's their anger talking, not necessarily them so it would hurt, but you most likely wouldn't believe them. But, if the murderer is calm and methodical and planned the murder and proceeded to carry it out. I would instantly say he was without a doubt mad because anyone who is calm about murdering someone and thinks about what he's doing and then continues to do it is beyond the point of thinking a certain thought is irrational and therefore is indeed crazy. To use my first example, if someone says "I hate you." calmly without anger in their voice, you are more likely to believe them because they said it calmly.