Is this the correct way to write this sentence? The Ohio Board of Nursing (OBN) provides legal oversight for the practice of nursing in the state of Ohio.

Question

Is this the correct way to write this sentence?   The Ohio Board of Nursing (OBN) provides legal oversight for the practice of nursing in the state of Ohio.

anonymous · Answer

It looks correct to me. I don't know enough about the subject matter to say whether it is a true statement or whether this is the way the relationship is typically expressed. The board provides legal oversight for the *practice* of nursing? Or it provides legal oversight for nursing itself? If I were reviewing this sentence, I would query that.

anonymous · Answer

What kind of an assignment is this for? The sentence may not be "incorrect" as such, but if you are studying certain other aspects of writing, it may be that you're meant to trim or revise in some way. It might be possible, for example, to trim "provides legal oversight for" to "oversees" -- however, in doing so, you would be losing the "legal" portion of the equation, which could well be necessary. It is not a change to be made lightly. If a rewrite in order, the more likely candidate is "the practice of nursing." Does the board provide legal oversight for nursing or for nurses? 

I don't find a rewrite in this case compelling though. If the sentence is meant to be an example of a sentence calling out for revision, it doesn't seem to do so as strongly as it might. The additional padding it seems to have is, unfortunately, difficult to get around, particularly with the first phrase "provides legal oversight for."