Is this a good paragraph for a time I felt powerful:

A time where I felt powerful was at Cascade Lake with all of my church and we were jumping off the high dives into the lake. The high dive was about 15 feet tall, just looking at it made me extremely nervous. I was with a bunch of people and they were all cheering everyone on to do it, and so we all did. I slowly climbed the ladder up to the high dive, my knees shaking, I looked down. Advice, NEVER look down from that high up, it made my heart rate go at a speed I never felt before. Then, I took a deep breath and jumped, it felt like

Question

Is this a good paragraph for a time I felt powerful:

	A time where I felt powerful was at Cascade Lake with all of my church and we were jumping off the high dives into the lake. The high dive was about 15 feet tall, just looking at it made me extremely nervous. I was with a bunch of people and they were all cheering everyone on to do it, and so we all did. I slowly climbed the ladder up to the high dive, my knees shaking, I looked down. Advice, NEVER look down from that high up, it made my heart rate go at a speed I never felt before.  Then, I took a deep breath and jumped, it felt like

anonymous · Answer

years on the way down until I finally hit the water. The thrill of doing that was amazing and it took away all of my fear to ever jump off another high dive or anything that high again.

geometry_hater · Answer

it seems legit but im not a grammer Nazi and thus cant spot mistakes as easily

anonymous · Answer

does it flow right? should I change anything?

anonymous · Answer

The flow is ok.  You should use more descriptive words and again, start the paragraph off with something exciting...it dosn't matter if it's chronological.

geometry_hater · Answer

i agree with r.arena the flow i thought was fine but i think  the falling part could been a little more descriptive.

anonymous · Answer

I agree with the previous comments. Your answer will work, but it could be greatly improved by using stronger language, such as more descriptive verbs. Your opening sentence, while technically 'correct,' would be stronger if you showed the reader what you meant instead of told them.

lgbasallote · Answer

Here's a revision I made which might help. I added a few details, and corrected some punctuation errors.

A time where I felt powerful was at Cascade Lake with all of my church, and we were jumping off the high dives into the lake. The high dive was about fifteen feet from the ground; just looking at it made me extremely nervous, as if I know that if something goes wrong, then it's over. I was with a bunch of people and they were all cheering everyone on to do it, giving them the confidence they need to do it, and so we all did. I slowly climbed the ladder up to the high dive, my knees shaking. I looked down (advice: NEVER look down from that high up). It made my heart rate go at a speed I never felt before, like my heart just wants to get out of my ribs.  Then, I took a deep breath, let go of all my fears, and jumped. It felt like years on the way down. I felt as if my body is falling, but everything inside it was being left behind. The strong wind blowing against my face as I fell made the jump even more scary. Then, after what seemed like minutes, or even hours, or years, l finally hit the water. The thrill of doing that was amazing and it took away all of my fear to ever jump off another high dive or anything that high again. 

does that help?