Question

What is emtional intelligence?

Answer 1

This sounds like a psychology question. And a really good one. The problem is that the definition of emotional intelligence is different, depending on which psychologist you ask.

I can help you understand emotional intelligence, the way that I've been taught.

But first, I have a question, since you're here! lol

Do you recognize any of these names of terms?.....

- The marshmallow study
- Daniel Goleman
- John Gottman

Answer 2

or * terms.

Answer 3

Okay, you were here, but then you left. So, I'll just chip in what I understand about emotional intelligence, alright?

Some psychologists believe that "emotional intelligence" is our ability to CONTROL our emotions, and to substitute our negative emotions with positive emotions.

I've read books written by John Gottman, a psychologist and relationship expert.
John Gottman disagrees with that definition of "emotional intelligence."

He believes that people operate their best when they are able to "experience the whole breadth of their emotional palette, and then use those feelings in the service of the goals they most desire."

Many psychologists agree that we cannot control our emotions. We can control our behaviors, and (to some extent) our thoughts, but NOT our emotions.

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In order to better explain emotional intelligence, let me summarize the Marshmallow Study, a very famous study that was done with 4-year old children, at Stanford University.

1. Researchers took a group of 4-year old children, and put each of them in a separate room.

2. The researchers gave each child a marshmallow.

3. The researcher then told the child, "Okay, here's a marshmallow. I have to leave now. I'll be back in 15 minutes. You can eat the marshmallow anytime you want.
BUT if you don't eat the marshmallow until I come back, I will give you another marshmallow!"

4. After 15 minutes, the researchers then separated the children into two groups:

--Children who COULDN'T wait 15 minutes, for another marshmallow

and

--Children who DID wait 15, in order to get another marshmallow.

5. The researchers noticed some very big differences between the children in these two groups!

By high school, the kids who COULDN'T wait for the another marshmallow were seen as more shy, stubborn, and indecisive. They had lower self esteem. They didn't do as well in school.

But by high school, the kids who DID wait for another marshmallow were happier, more sociable, more open minded, and got better grades!

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Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, looked at this study, and wrote a book about his idea of "emotional intelligence."

He wrote, "They were able...to distract themselves while maintaining the necessary perseverance toward their goal--the two marshmallows."

And that IS what the children did. The ones who waited were very good at distracting themselves.

Daniel Goleman believed that the more "emotional intelligent" children were able to suppress their desires to eat the marshmallow right away.

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John Gottman agreed with Daniel Goleman. But John Gottman believed that "emotional intelligence" is more than that.

John Gottman pointed out that the "emotionally intelligent" children were able to "get into touch with their desire for marshmallows, and allow that desire to motivate them to wait."

"....they were able to project themselves into the future, and imagine how happy they would be when they finally achieved their ultimate goal--two marshmallows."

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I personally do agree with John Gottman's idea of "emotional intelligence."

I agree that emotional intelligence is our ability to see ourselves in the future, and accurately predict how our actions, and the consequences of our actions, will affect our emotions, and our well-being.