Question

Help me rewrite this into a good thesis statement please? "In this essay, I think two things that are good to compare are motorcycles and bikes"

Answer 1

ok never ever use "I think" in an essay. it doesn't look good at all

Answer 2

"Two excellent subjects to compare are motorcycles and bikes, as brought up in this paper."

Sorry, that's the best that I can do. Maybe give me the rest of your intro paragraph?

Answer 3

@RandomSelena

Answer 4

Start by developing an opinion on your subject. Which is better? Motorcycles or bikes for example. Be sure you base your opinion on logical fact otherwise you will have a very hard time writing your thesis. When developing your thesis and its statement, thoroughly research your subject. Knowing all the pros and cons to your argument will not only solidify your understanding of the subject, it will be crucial in developing your thesis statement.

After I have done my research, I like to do a little bit of free writing on the subject, just to get some of my thoughts out on paper. This is not always necessary, but you will probably find it helpful because it will bring out your thoughts and understanding on the subject and help you develop your argument. It will also often bring up the materials that you need to develop your statement.

When you start working on your thesis statement, you want to start by defining four things:

1. Your opinion or argument
2. The strongest point supporting your argument.
3. The second strongest point supporting your argument.
4. The strongest point against your argument.

These things will become the foundation for your thesis statement and the substance of your argument. The three points (2-4) will become the talking points of your paper. Some argue, "why should I include the strongest point against my argument? Isn't this counterproductive to what I ultimately want to accomplish, which is win the reader to my side of the argument?" The answer to this is "no" and here is why.

When you are writing a persuasive essay, you definitely want to create a strong argument. And your two supporting points are going to be your vehicle to do this. But it is important to have that point against because a) it will show that you are not being biased, b) it will show that you did your homework (research), and c) that you are not afraid to let your evidence and argument stand up against the strongest point against it. For example, if you write a persuasive essay and you only include points that support your argument, those who know your subject matter well enough (like your instructor) are going to see that you did not consider that very important contrary point (remember, it is the strongest point against your argument. So ignoring it in the hopes that it will go away or not be noticed is not realistic). Ultimately you will come off as biased and lose credibility. So having this contrary point will actually improve your paper if you argue it right.

Once you have these four elements state each in a simple sentence, i.e., Cats make better pets than dogs. Once you have a sentence for each element, you can plug them right into a thesis statement template with very little alteration. There are many templates with different connecting words and such, but most follow these three structures:

Even though [contrary point], [your argument] because [strongest supporting point] and [second strongest supporting point].

OR

[Your argument] because [first or second strongest supporting point].

OR

While [contrary point], [your argument].

A lot of instructors that I have had want to see something more like the first template, where you mention in your statement all the elements of your argument. The other templates are more concise and to the point of your argument and are perfectly fine to use, but be sure you know what your instructor is looking for in a thesis statement. Many prefer the first example because it tells them exactly what they will be reading in one complete sentence. A good idea is to create your thesis statement and then just read it to your instructor and ask his or her opinion. they will tell you how they want it or what they think it needs.

Also, even though you use one of the more concise templates, you still want to cover all the points that you came up with for your paper. Just because you don't mention these things in your statement does not mean you can leave them out. They should be mentioned in your introduction and covered in your body.

To close I will give you a very (intentionally) simple example. Let's say the syllabus says to write a thesis comparing cats to dogs. After doing my research I might come up with the foillowing:

1. Cats make better pets than dogs. (opinion)
2. Cats are more cuddly. (strongest point)
3. Cats don't slobber on you. (2nd strongest point)
4. Dogs are more loyal than cats. (counter point)

With those I might come up with the following thesis statements:

Even though dogs are more loyal than cats, cats make better pets than dogs because cats are more cuddly and cats don't slobber on you. (Rough)
Even though dogs are more loyal than cats, cats make better pets because they are more cuddly and don't slobber on you. (better)

OR

Cats make better pets than dogs because they are more cuddly.

OR

While dogs tend to be more loyal, cats still make better pets.

In the first thesis statement above I showed how you will probably have to refine the statement to make it flow smoothly and sound more natural.

Hope this helps.

**Yes I totally plagiarized myself, because I have answered questions similar to this one many time on OpenStudy.